Liz’s Listicles: What We’ve Learned in 2020.

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Liz Barrett is a New-York based stand-up comedian and writer. Raised in a military family and having moved all around the world, Liz is deadpan, dry, engaging, and offers shrewd observations about life and womanhood.  You’ll remember her one-liners long after you see her.   Liz has appeared on AXS TV Gotham Comedy Live, Laughs on FOX, Lifetime, Funny or Die and New York Post Videos. You can also hear her on Raw Dog Comedy on SiriusXM.     Since 2013, Liz has produced her own monthly show Grin and Barrett which has been described as “puntastically named” and “one of the best shows in the city produced by a female comedian.” Liz’s Listicles will appear on theinterrobang.com monthly.  Follow Liz on Twitter @LizComedy and on Instagram @LizComedy.

Are you just trying to make it through these days? Are you just hanging on and ready to fall out of the hammock, which is life? Are you tired of feeling like you need to be perfect? Comedian Liz Barrett is here to help. Each month, comedian Liz Barrett (Sirius XM, Gotham Comedy Live) will provide tips on how you can cut yourself some slack. With her tips, you will not be living your best life, but a perfectly fine life.
This month Liz’s Listicles talks about marriage during the pandemic.

This Month: Liz’s Listicles Shares What We Learned in 2020

To say this year has been rough is like saying a nuclear bomb is a little disruptive. It’s an understatement. The good news is it’s almost over. We’ve reached the homestretch, and we’ve learned some things along the way. I’m sure there will be lists of serious things we’ve learned, but I’m here to tell you the less serious things. Enjoy and don’t forget 2021 is coming. We don’t know if 2021 will be better, but at least it will be different.

What We’ve Learned in 2020

“I’ll Be Here” is the catchphrase of 2020. Honestly, where else would anyone be? Look at where you’re reading this — it’s a safe bet you’ll be here next week too. That’s how this year works. A close second is “Let me check my calendar.”

There’s a reason other people make bread. Good bread is not made by a quarantined person who hasn’t used their bread maker in ten years, or a someone who just grabbed some yeast and found a recipe on the internet. Bakers are skilled people who make bread in a place called a “bakery.” Bakers make delicious, soft, crusty bread and not rolls that could damage a brick wall. 

You can “Irish goodbye” a Zoom meeting. You do need more than three people on a Zoom to do this, but deciding you have had enough and cutting out and wandering away from your screen without saying goodbye like a proper drunk is still a great way to avoid that awkward moment when you decide you are done with a social Zoom but the other people want to keep talking.

Sanity walks are the saddest walks of all. Some very unenthusiastic people have been walking outside this year. It may be necessary for our mental health, but you can tell that these folks hate walking. They move slowly, slumped over, with a somewhat confused look on their face, trying to get some air and avoid psychotic levels of cabin fever. I predict as soon as we’re past this pandemic, our whole society will never walk again and only use motorized scooters to get around. I look forward to that day.

Sometimes showering is half the battle. You may ask yourself when the thought of a shower comes into your head, “Why bother? Where am I going?” But some days, going through the motions of how we used to live is needed, even if  it takes the whole day, a couple of pep talks and an early afternoon cocktail to get yourself into the shower. It’s a process that usually pays off, but the journey is exhausting. 

Going anywhere is a treat. An outpatient medical procedure you can actually have done; taking out your garbage and recyclables; or just a night at CVS roaming the foot care aisle is an exciting time to be alive.

Quarantine is always sweeter in the next apartment over. Single people are jealous of couples who have another person to live with during this time. Couples are jealous of single people for having time alone. Parents are jealous of anyone who doesn’t have children. It’s the circle of resentment that holds us all together.

Sweatpants, yoga pants, lounge pants, pajama bottoms are all the same. If you wear any of them for five days in a row, they still need to be destroyed. However, you can’t destroy them now because all these pants are backordered until at least March 2021. 

If you don’t wake up every morning thinking you might have COVID, how do you know you even exist. There is no such person as a hypochondriac anymore. We all think we have COVID after every cough or chill, so no one is special.

Thankfully, time only moves in one direction. 2020 hasn’t learned how to change that, so there’s something!

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Liz Barrett
Liz Barrett