Liz’s Listicles: Stages of Getting in the Shower During Quarantine

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Liz Barrett is a New-York based stand-up comedian and writer. Raised in a military family and moved all around the world, Liz is deadpan, dry, engaging, and offers shrewd observations about life and womanhood. You’ll remember her one-liners long after you see her. Liz has appeared on AXS-TV Gotham Comedy Live, Laughs on FOX, Lifetime, Funny or Die and New York Post Videos. You can also hear her on SiriusXM. Liz’s Listicles will appear on theinterrobang.com monthly.  Follow Liz on @LizComedy and on Instagram @LizComedy.

Are you just trying to make it through these days? Are you just hanging on and ready to fall out of the hammock, which is life? Are you tired of feeling like you need to be perfect? Comedian Liz Barrett is here to help. Each month, comedian Liz Barrett (Sirius XM, Gotham Comedy Live) will provide tips on how you can cut yourself some slack. With her tips, you will not be living your best life, but a perfectly fine life.
This month Liz’s Listicles talks about marriage during the pandemic.

This Month: Liz’s Listicles Discusses the stages of showering during quarantine.

I have always said showering is half the battle to tackling life. Just the thought of working up the energy to shower is enough to send me under the covers. It’s even worse in the winter, not to mention during quarantine. Showering becomes an epic battle with yourself, but you have to do it sometimes. Here are the stages I go through from the time I shower until the time I drag myself to the shower again.

Stages of Getting in the Shower During Quarantine

Phase 1: Top of the World. You just showered and you’re feeling great. You think, “Why don’t I do this every day?” You’re taking selfies of your washed hair, putting on clean sweatpants, and using all sorts of lotions and face masks to mark the event. You’re king of your body’s castle.

Phase 2: Feeling Good. The next day you’re still feeling confident. You showered yesterday — you’re still clean! 

Phase 3: Doubt. You’re starting to wonder if the shower you took three days ago is still working its magic. You decide to pretty up. You put on a different pair of sweatpants, use that deodorant, and spray some dry shampoo on the old hair. You’re good to go.

Phase 4: Denial. The ambition you would need to shower flew out the window last March. You can’t deal with getting all wet and then having to get dry again. You’re fine; never been better. You grab a baseball hat and put it on your head, where it will stay until further notice.

Phase 5: Bargaining. You finally realize you might need to do this, but start negotiating with the shower gods. You ask for one more day. You say to yourself in the mirror, “I will shower tomorrow.” Even though you know, and your reflection knows, you’re going to add a day to that tomorrow.

Phase 6: Hiding Out. You promised yourself that today would be the day, but decided to stay in bed. Does an armpit really stink if no one is there to smell it?

Phase 7: Psyching Yourself Up. You decide this is it, shower day. Even your pets are avoiding you. You give yourself a pep talk, head to the bathroom, and turn on the water. This is it.

Phase 8: Enjoyment. You’re there under the water, and you know what, it’s pretty good to get the stink off. Who would have thought?

And much like the shower itself, just rinse and repeat till next time.

Comedian Liz Barrett (Sirius XM, Gotham Comedy Live, Laughs on FOX, Lifetime, Funny or Die) wants people to stop being perfect, and start being real. Follow Liz @lizcomedy on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

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Liz Barrett
Liz Barrett