Liz’s Listicles: Liz Barrett’s Guide to Keep Your Shit Together Until Election Day

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Liz Barrett is a New-York based stand-up comedian and writer. Raised in a military family and having moved all around the world, Liz is deadpan, dry, engaging, and offers shrewd observations about life and womanhood.  You’ll remember her one-liners long after you see her.   Liz has appeared on AXS TV Gotham Comedy Live, Laughs on FOX, Lifetime, Funny or Die and New York Post Videos. You can also hear her on Raw Dog Comedy on SiriusXM.     Since 2013, Liz has produced her own monthly show Grin and Barrett which has been described as “puntastically named” and “one of the best shows in the city produced by a female comedian.” Liz’s Listicles will appear on theinterrobang.com monthly.  Follow Liz on Twitter @LizComedy and on Instagram @LizComedy.

Are you just trying to make it through these days? Are you just hanging on and ready to fall out of the unstable hammock that is life? Are you tired of feeling like you need to be perfect? Comedian Liz Barrett (Sirius XM, Gotham Comedy Live) is here to help. Each month, Liz will provide tips on how you can cut yourself some slack. With her tips, you will not be living your best life, but a perfectly fine life.

This month Liz’s Listicles helps you make it to Election Day with your sanity intact.

How To Keep Your Sh*t Together Until Election Day

This year is a relentless punch in the face, and now we have just 13 days until Election Day on November 3rd. We are almost there, but how do we make it without going crazy? Sure, everyone should vote and volunteer, but I’m talking about just surviving until then. How do we keep going until the day finally arrives? Here are my tips for getting through the next few weeks.

Take naps. This is pretty simple. Check out once in a while, close your eyes, and let your brian shut down. That’s it, that’s the advice.

Embrace your vices. Does chocolate make you happy? Keep some in your pocket. Does a little alcohol mellow you out? Now is not the time to become a teetotaler. Does a cigarette soothe you? A few more cigarettes the next few weeks won’t kill you.

Everyone calm down about the last tip. If you want to be healthy, start that diet instead of embracing your vices. You’ll be hungry and distracted. Also, you’re more apt to nap because sometimes it’s the only way to avoid eating.

Write handwritten notes, not emails. Emails take only minutes, but mail takes up time. For those who don’t know how to send mail, it is a process. You have to write the letter, usually with a thing called a “pen,” address the envelope, buy a stamp, and drop the mail at a post office. After that whole process, you’ll most certainly have killed a few hours.

Turn off your phone. Go off the grid. I promise you, no matter what gets posted on the Tiktok Twittergrams, you aren’t going to miss much, and there will always be time to catch up.

Stay in the bubble. Now is not the time to venture out to red states to see what’s happening or call your crazy right-wing cousin. Keep with what you know for the next two weeks. It’s fine to stay in Brooklyn with like-minded hipsters, but just know that’s not reality and that’s ok for now.

Avoid the news. Check the news once a day, but prepare to be disappointed in humanity. Do you really need to know Kirstie Alley is endorsing Trump? That Jeffrey Toobin was pleasuring himself on a Zoom call? That the Dow is down? What is the Dow anyway?

Really Keep Up With the Kardashians. This is some wacky math, but there are 19 seasons of this show. There are 260 episodes and 5 specials, so about 265 hours of viewing entertainment. From today, Wednesday October 21st, until Election Day there are 13 days, or 312 hours, left. Time you have to kill. If you watch all of the Kardashians, you will only have 47 hours left to come up with something to do, and that could be sleep. That is about three hours a night of sleep, which is the amount of sleep anyone I know is currently getting.

Also, you may just realize after watching the Kardashians that society is doomed, so nothing matters. This might sound depressing, but it’s not. I assure you it will relieve your anxiety. Woot woot! Nihilism!

It’s a perfect time to read very long books. These books aren’t pick-me-ups but attempting to read them could result in napping. Try War and Peace, a 1,225-page story about the French invasion of Russia; Les Misérables, a whopping 2,783 pages about the wretched poor in France; or The Stand, a post-apocalyptic dark fantasy clocking in at only 1,152 pages. Face it, when will you ever have the time to read these classics, or in the case of The Stand by Stephen King, a long book.

Develop your escape plan. If everything goes south on November 3rd, you’re going to have to have a plan. Work on it now. You have things to decide. First, where are you going? If you’re headed to the woods, you have to know how to build a cabin that’s off the grid. If you’re headed to the desert, you have to start sewing your loose, breathable fabric outfits now. If you decide to go to Mexico, get to know your hot peppers. Get on it.

 

Comedian Liz Barrett (Gotham Comedy Live, Laughs on FOX, Lifetime, Funny or Die) wants people to stop being perfect, and start being real. On her new show Gettin’ By, Liz along with a funny guest, will cover a universal topic, with a comedic approach, and discuss how to relax, chill, and let the small stuff go. Visit lizbarrettcomedy.com or follow Liz @lizcomedy on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook for details. 

 

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Liz Barrett
Liz Barrett