Liz’s Listicles: Liz Barrett’s Guide to Avoid the Traditional Holidays and Instead Celebrate Brown Shoes and Cashews

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Liz Barrett is a New-York based stand-up comedian and writer. Raised in a military family and having moved all around the world, Liz is deadpan, dry, engaging, and offers shrewd observations about life and womanhood.  You’ll remember her one-liners long after you see her.   Liz has appeared on AXS TV Gotham Comedy Live, Laughs on FOX, Lifetime, Funny or Die and New York Post Videos. You can also hear her on Raw Dog Comedy on SiriusXM.     Since 2013, Liz has produced her own monthly show Grin and Barrett which has been described as “puntastically named” and “one of the best shows in the city produced by a female comedian.” Liz’s Listicles will appear on theinterrobang.com monthly.  Follow Liz on Twitter @LizComedy and on Instagram @LizComedy.

Are you just trying to make it through these days? Are you just hanging on and ready to fall out of the unstable hammock that is life? Are you tired of feeling like you need to be perfect? Comedian Liz Barrett (Sirius XM, Gotham Comedy Live) is here to help. Each month, Liz will provide tips on how you can cut yourself some slack. With her tips, you may not live your best life, but a perfectly fine one.

This month Liz’s Listicles tells you how to avoid the traditional holidays and instead celebrate some weird national holidays. Avoid the Traditional Holidays and Instead Celebrate Brown Shoes and Cashews

I took a very unofficial poll and the five people I asked all wanted to call 2020 already and not “do the holidays.” We’ve been battered more than shrimp in tempura, and the consensus is we don’t have the bandwidth to handle the traditional Thanksgiving and Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanzaa this year. If we could, we’d fast-forward to 2021, but that’s not a possibility. According to physics or something, time has to pass. However, I suggest we all just boycott the usual holidays. Don’t worry about them. Don’t worry about the fight with your in-laws about how Thanksgiving dinner for 27 people in a poorly ventilated cabin can’t happen this year; what gift you get your Aunt Trudy; what to make for your gluten-free, nut-free, vegan cousin; or what to do on New Year’s Eve. Instead, put these weird, fun holidays in your calendar, celebrate however you want, and wait until next year to get back to the big ones. Here are a few little-known national holidays, all easy to celebrate, coming up in the next few weeks.

National Cranberry Day, Cashew Day, and Espresso Day (November 23) Now we all know the best celebration of a food is National Taco Day (October 4, 2021), but this one is pretty good. It packs three foods into one. Celebrate by eating a cranberry muffin, a handful of cashews, and an espresso and mark another day off the calendar. With all that caffeine, you’ll have plenty of energy to brag about celebrating three holidays in one. 

Eat a Red Apple Day (December 1) Here’s a gimme. It’s so easy — find a red apple, eat it, and you’re done. Just don’t eat a green apple, because then you will have to eat two apples.

Wear Brown Shoes Day (December 4) I’m not sure how the brown shoe lobby got its own day, but who cares. Do it. Even if it’s your old brown slippers that used to be tan, it counts, and you’re celebrating!  

Bathtub Party Day/Repeal Day (December 5) This will be a fun day. All you have to do is enjoy a bath instead of a shower while drinking to the 21st Amendment, which ended Prohibition. Bathtub gin is the preferred intoxicant, but no matter what you drink, you’ll be clean and tipsy.

Chocolate-Covered Anything Day (December 16) On this day, you can throw chocolate on anything with abandon. Normally, I call this day “Tuesday” and celebrate it 52 times a year, but let’s go big on December 16th — it might be as good as it gets this year. 

Wacky December 21st Day  This is a nutty day that seems to celebrate everything. First, it’s Crossword Puzzle Day, that’s nice. Do a crossword — I think even a word search or Sudoku counts. Don’t be puzzle-shamed into doing what “the man” thinks you should enjoy. It’s also National Flashlight Day. I mean, who doesn’t love a nice bright flashlight, but not quite sure why we need a national holiday for it. It’s also Look on the Bright Side Day, Humbug Day, and the Winter Solstice for all you druids and wiccans out there. Really, this day has something for everyone. You can force yourself to look on the bright side of everything, but it’s great because by boycotting the holidays, you’re celebrating Humbug Day all season long.

Declare Your Own Day. You can just wing it and make up a national holiday and celebrate it. I have been celebrating Keep Candy in Your Pocket at All Times Day for six months. I don’t think I have to explain it, but rest assured it is wonderful to always have slightly melted Reese’s Peanut Butter cups in your pocket at all times.

Also, for all those who think I don’t research my lists, I do. I found there is a National No Pants Day, but no Put on Pants Day. That’s just nuts. Who’s wearing pants every day? Go out with a bang this year and declare one day in December a day where you definitely put on pants, just so you can show 2020 who’s boss. 

And finally, do your own thing during the end of this difficult year. If you want to go big with Christmas and drink eggnog all month and collapse in a pile of tinsel, do it. If you want to ignore the holidays, do that. Just remember the only answer for what to do this New Year’s Eve is hide under the covers with a bottle of champagne and a straw.

 

 

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Liz Barrett
Liz Barrett