Liz’s Listicles: Adapting to Life After Quarantine

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Liz Barrett is a New-York based stand-up comedian and writer. Raised in a military family and moved all around the world, Liz is deadpan, dry, engaging, and offers shrewd observations about life and womanhood. You’ll remember her one-liners long after you see her. Liz has appeared on AXS-TV Gotham Comedy Live, Laughs on FOX, Lifetime, Funny or Die and New York Post Videos. You can also hear her on SiriusXM. Liz’s Listicles will appear on theinterrobang.com monthly.  Follow Liz on @LizComedy and on Instagram @LizComedy.

Are you just trying to make it through these days? Are you just hanging on and ready to fall out of the unstable hammock that is life? Are you tired of feeling like you need to be perfect? Comedian Liz Barrett is here to help. Each month, Liz will help you not live your best life, but a perfectly fine one.

This month Liz’s Listicles discusses how to adjust back into society after this pandemic.

Adapting to Life After Quarantine 

 

Start visiting your adult clothes in the closet. We’ve all lived in sweatpants and stained T-shirts for a year, and the thought of putting on pants and a whole “outfit” in the morning and heading out of the house gives you agita. Open your closet now and start visiting the clothes that have been ignored for a year. Say hello to your dresses, cardigans, and shoes. Tell them you’ve missed them, and you don’t hate them, but circumstances beyond your control took over. Try them on and make them feel special, but don’t demand too much of them too quickly. Don’t ask that your pants go from zero to 14 hours a day all at once. Start wearing pants one hour a day, and each day add another hour. Your pants will thank you.

 

Go in disguise. For a while, go incognito for your first few outings in the world. You should wear a hat, dark glasses, and a mask. No one will be able to tell it’s you. If you add headphones, you’re practically invisible.

 

Walk don’t run. That’s the advice. There is no need to run anywhere.

 

Realize your Mom is still your Mom. Yes, you missed your family, but know your limits. Don’t sign up for a two-week cruise with them. Your Mom still drives you crazy, and you don’t need to be on a boat with her, with no way off. You start with a weekend visit and build up to the holidays.

 

Stay in. That’s right, stay in. Have friends over to your house. You’re giving your friends the gift of getting out of their houses, while you still don’t have to leave yours. Win, win. But really, no yoga pants allowed.

 

No is still an option. You can still say no to your second cousin’s bridal shower in Boise or your friend’s cat christening in Williamsburg. Just because we’ve all been isolated for a year, it still doesn’t make these types of events fun or mandatory.

 

Start putting money away for a pet therapist. Our dogs and cats are used to us being home all the time, they — or at least the dogs — are going to go through a major traumatic time when we aren’t there all day. Set aside some money so they can bark and meow about their abandonment issues to a real pro.

 

Remember home is not your enemy. Many people are saying that once they are vaccinated, they are leaving their house and never returning. That technically makes you homeless, and there is no homeless person who’s going to tell you that’s a good idea. You’re still going to want a place to go at the end of the day, maybe just not a place where you have to do the dishes all the time. Seriously, what is with all the dishes?

 

Don’t throw out the carbs. Carbs made a huge comeback in 2020. The world had rejected them, but then people remembered during times of stress, carbs are a blanket of love. Don’t forget that feeling. Just because the pandemic ends, doesn’t mean you don’t need a hug from some mac and cheese every now and then. 

 

 

Comedian Liz Barrett (Sirius XM, Gotham Comedy Live, Laughs on FOX, Lifetime, Funny or Die) wants people to stop being perfect, and start being real. Follow Liz @lizcomedy on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.

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Liz Barrett
Liz Barrett