Socially distancing from reality seems like a dream, right? How many Friday afternoons did you cry at the fact that you have plans, when all you wanted to do was watch Netflix on your couch with a bottle of wine and no obligations? Well… I guess we all need to be careful what we wished for because that’s our current reality with COVID-19 until 2048 with. Kidding… I hope. I figured since there are no stand-up shows, podcast tours, or sets to go to with everything shut down — comedians are most likely going stir crazy. And since I’m a nosy bitch, I had to find out just how they were passing the time. As always, I’m Kashmere and these are the Social Distancing Dispatches.
You all are in for a treat because I was able to get the amazingly talented Emmy Blotnick to sit down and fill us in on how she is handling quarantine! When I try to explain how great Emmy is, my words fail, so like usual, Lady Gaga sums it up best. After you finish reading our chat, be sure to listen to her hilarious album PARTY NIGHTS! Remember parties?! Ugh, same. Also be sure to follow her on Twitter because it’s one of the five apps we all spend 22 hours a day on now.
I mean how prepared were you for this? Did you have toilet paper at the ready or were you panic running around to bodegas trying to find like, ramen noodles? . I literally ran into Costco naked and dunked my head into a 10-gallon drum of martini olives.
Are you an introvert or extrovert? Do you feel like this is your thrive time or are you making up conversations with inanimate objects. . I’m an introvert, but I do miss seeing humans. These days, I try to make up for it by talking to myself constantly and over-watering my house plants. Wellness!
Is your lockdown a table for one or are you doing it with roommates / a significant other? What’s the best/worst part of whichever of either doing it alone or with someone. . I’m in lockdown with my fiancé, Nick. Best part: he’s a chef. Worst part: when I eat crunchy snacks, there’s nowhere in our apartment you can’t hear it.
Have you come up with a random quarantine meal/snack that you would never eat during your normal day-to-day? . I’ll say that more of my meals have involved hamburger buns than I ever expected. But do not underestimate their versatility! They can support so many great sandwiches. If you’re doin’ grilled cheese, may I suggest: melt cheese on the outside-facing sides of the bun, inside of the bun face down on the pan — it’s a revelation.
The most random show that you’ve found solace in during this… no need to be embarrassed, I’m rewatching Real Housewives of New Jersey to feel right now. . I watched a Japanese Carly Rae Jepsen concert special that revived me somewhat! Also, this is not a show, but I scroll through Petfinder a lot, and there’s a pit bull terrier puppy in my area named Jonathan van Ness. That’s gotta make you feel something, right?
Be honest: when do you start drinking, and how many bottles of wine have you had? I just had a big martini and I’m about to eat chocolate-flavored hummus with a spoon because I saw it on Shark Tank ⚡️
What do you want to accomplish during this time that you have been putting off because you “don’t have the time”?. I’ve been meaning to submit some receipts to my health insurance for months, but now I’m putting it off by telling myself, “I bet the health insurance people are swamped right now. This is no time to bother them about eyeglasses.”