Between dealing with kids, dealing with work, and dealing with Take Your Kids to Work Day, you may have missed some of the most insane things celebrities did this week. Well, have no fear — because Kashmere is here with his finger on the pulse and his eyes on every Instagram account of anyone worth talking about. From Oscar winners to reality TV royalty, to even actually royalty; here are the craziest stories going on this week. Welcome to our newest series, “Did You Hear? With Kashmere!”
Kashmere (also known as Danny Murphy) is a comedian, writer, and pop culture connoisseur (despite not really knowing how to spell connoisseur). He currently writes for Betches and Marie Claire and has also been featured in Glamour, Seventeen and Town & Country. When he’s not drinking red wine or iced coffee while watching Bravo, he’s performing around New York and hosting PASS THE AUX at The Stonewall Inn and DO I SEND IT? at Branded Saloon. Follow his fake reality show AKA his Instagram stories, @kashmeredanny.
Hi again! You look fantastic. No, I mean it. Okay, but stop blushing so I can start talking about celebrities. Great. This column got a FACE LIFT because that’s how Hollywood works, once you turn eleven, or play someone named Eleven, you get bitten by the bug and need to keep up with the chicness to survive.
You Can’t Handle the Truth — So You Need A Drink:
Because I personally can’t process any information without a cocktail, carbohydrate, or all of the above, I figured this section would be essential to help you process everything you’re about to ingest by giving you something to ingest before-during-and-after reading. This weeks? A glass of sparkling wine or prosecco that at first glance you think that is way too expensive for one glass of anything. You’re ordering it this week because we’re off the heels of MADONNA’S BIRTHDAY. You know she’d want you to.
Shocked to Not:
Let’s rank the five most shocking (or not remotely surprising at all) stories from this past week.
The More You Know: Our Weekly Life Lesson From the A-to-Z List
Look, I don’t just obsess over celebrities and pop culture every week because I have nothing better to do (ha… ha…) but it’s also because I’m obsessed with learning. Well, actually don’t ask my teachers that because they’ll probably just say: learn? He would just sit in the back of the class and Google “Julianna Margulies” and see if she was up to anything new. BESIDES that, I do try to get something from the news stories of the week and I feel like this week we were reminded: Always walk slowly when you’re eating at a Hibachi restaurant.
Blast From the PAST:
I mean… I swear this isn’t sponsored by 90210, but I’m definitely open to that. In honor of our weekly lesson and one of our news series, my blast from the past for this week must obviously be: Tori Spelling Recovering from Burns After Falling on Hot Hibachi Grill.
Stream or Scream?:
500 things are released everyday, and let’s be honest, 97.6% of new releases are full trash. Here’s where I help you by absorbing a little bit of everything and showing you the best of the best — so you don’t have to deal with the duds. The best this week? NORMANI. She’s “that bitch,” according to Nicki Minaj in 2018 and also to every single person who’s seen her music video for her debut solo single, “Motivation.” Watch it and dance your way onto a basketball court.