Between dealing with kids, dealing with work, and dealing with Take Your Kids to Work Day, you may have missed some of the most insane things celebrities did this week. Well, have no fear — because Kashmere is here with his finger on the pulse and his eyes on every Instagram account of anyone worth talking about. From Oscar winners to reality TV royalty, to even actually royalty; here are the craziest stories going on this week. Welcome to our newest series, “Did You Hear? With Kashmere!”
Kashmere (also known as Danny Murphy) is a comedian, writer, and pop culture connoisseur (despite not really knowing how to spell connoisseur). He currently writes for Betches and Marie Claire and has also been featured in Glamour, Seventeen and Town & Country. When he’s not drinking red wine or iced coffee while watching Bravo, he’s performing around New York and hosting PASS THE AUX at The Stonewall Inn and DO I SEND IT? at Branded Saloon. Follow his fake reality show AKA his Instagram stories, @kashmeredanny.
Are we all quarantined yet? I mean, I’m pretty sure that has now gone from a crazy, last case scenario to something that is basically a day or two away from happening. With that — make sure you’re stocked up on the essentials! And by essentials, I mean wine and popcorn.
You Can’t Handle the Truth — So You Need A Drink:
We have a winner on The Bachelor! Sort of. If you watch you know that it was a race between two brunette girls that are too young for marriage but are doing it anyway. Hannah Ann, the world’s Plan B, and Madison, a girl who left and came back 800 times. Madison won and in honor of her and her virginity, this week’s drink is a virgin pina colada. Yum!
Shocked to Not:
Let’s rank the five most shocking (or not remotely surprising at all) stories from this past week.
Prince Harry Should Start Screening Calls | I guess the Queen not only is taking their titles, but is also taking all of their security with them as well because Harry just fell for a prank call by someone posing as Greta Thunberg. Come on, we all know Greta wouldn’t waste power and energy to talk to you, Harry.
Does Daniel Radcliffe Have Coronavirus? | I guess “they have coronavirus!” is the new “are they gay?” rumor that will be getting spread about various celebrities for the next year, and Daniel Radcliffe was the first victim. Luckily for him, the rumors wasn’t true — guess that invisibility cloak protects him from more than just Voldemort.
Corey Feldman Accuses Charlie Sheen or Rape | Feldman’s much teased documentary final debuted, and his explosive claim has been revealed that he said Charlie Sheen raped Corey Haim — which is confusing, because he said it was an A-list Star. Sheen and Haim’s family already denies this, so maybe documentary making isn’t Feldman’s specialty,
Harvey Weinstein sought help from Mike Bloomberg and Jeff Bezos, emails show | In an alternate universe, this is the Cheetah Girls.
T’yanna Wallace is tired of just being known as Notorious B.I.G.’s daughter | I’m sorry, girl. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t know who you are at all.
The More You Know: Our Weekly Life Lesson From the A-to-Z List
The overall lesson from the week? Just stay inside. Coronavirus is SOMEHOW EVERYWHERE, even in the tabloids.
Blast From the PAST:
In honor of Prince Harry having phone issues, let’s look back to when Alec Baldwin had phone issues of his own and left a now iconic voicemail to his daughter.
Stream or Scream?:
Katy Perry released a new song to go along with her pregnancy announcement, and it’s worth the stream just because I love her long blonde hair so much and we need her to embrace the positive reinforcement.