Between dealing with kids, dealing with work, and dealing with Take Your Kids to Work Day, you may have missed some of the most insane things celebrities did this week. Well, have no fear — because Kashmere is here with his finger on the pulse and his eyes on every Instagram account of anyone worth talking about. From Oscar winners to reality TV royalty, to even actually royalty; here are the craziest stories going on this week. Welcome to our newest series, “Did You Hear? With Kashmere!”
Kashmere (also known as Danny Murphy) is a comedian, writer, and pop culture connoisseur (despite not really knowing how to spell connoisseur). He currently writes for Betches and Marie Claire and has also been featured in Glamour, Seventeen and Town & Country. When he’s not drinking red wine or iced coffee while watching Bravo, he’s performing around New York and hosting PASS THE AUX at The Stonewall Inn and DO I SEND IT? at Branded Saloon. Follow his fake reality show AKA his Instagram stories, @kashmeredanny.
Happy Super Bowl Hangover Week! Are you still bloated from all of the mini weenies and buffalo chicken dip? Unfortunately I didn’t catch the majority of the game because I was at a brunch that continued five hours longer than expected, but I need Jimmy G to know that I am here to comfort him whenever he needs. Like Shakira said — whenever, wherever.
You Can’t Handle the Truth — So You Need A Drink:
Something tells me all of our complaints about January going so slow was foreshadowing of this year. February is inching by already, so my drink choice for you all is what I like to call a Connecticut Four Loko. AKA, white wine and a cold brew. You don’t black out, you just black out memories the Connecticut way!
Shocked to Not:
Let’s rank the five most shocking (or not remotely surprising at all) stories from this past week.
Jay-Z Explains Why Him & Bey Sat During National Anthem | it’s funny how much hot water Jay-Z finds himself in for being a rapper most commonly known to the world as the man who cheated on Beyonce, but alas! Apparently they said they were studying Demi’s performance, which… just sounds like you’re shading both her and America.
Lady Gaga Has A New Bad Romance | Off her pivot to Oscars and beauty, Lady Gaga also swooped up a new piece of arm candy to rub her own lipstick onto. His name is Michael Polansky and honestly, Little Monsters I approve. 🔥
Harvey Weinstein Nudes Shown to Jurors | After hearing testimony of his mitigated genitalia, the jurors obv needed some answers to this… for judicial reasons, of course. My new diet plan is to 100% stare at these pictures while eating kale on a treadmill. You can see the artist rendering of them here if you dare.
Jessica Simpson Turned Down The Notebook? | In her new tell all, she’s spilling all of the juicy stories from her past. The one that has people confused on a professional level is that she turned down The Notebook due to a sex scene… I feel like it’s more so she turned it down cause she can’t act.
Are the Oscars Betting On Themselves? | Oscar pools are popular in offices and online, but you would assume if you work for the Oscars, you probably can’t publicly do one, right? Well tell the Oscars Twitter account that, who quickly tweeted and deleted their own prediction. Weird CATS wasn’t on it.
The More You Know: Our Weekly Life Lesson From the A-to-Z List
If you feel like you’re indefinitely single, just win an Oscar and launch a new multi-million dollar company. Love will find its way to you!
Blast From the PAST:
I mean… in honor of her new book release, we need to watch the most iconic Jessica Simpson moment of all time: Is it chicken or is it fish?
Stream or Scream?:
STREAM AND BUY AND READ JESSICA SIMPSON’S NEW BOOK SO I HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK ABOUT IT WITH.