Socially distancing from reality seems like a dream, right? How many Friday afternoons did you cry at the fact that you have plans, when all you wanted to do was watch Netflix on your couch with a bottle of wine and no obligations? Well… I guess we all need to be careful what we wished for because that’s our current reality with COVID-19 until 2048 with. Kidding… I hope. I figured because since there are no stand-up shows, podcast tours, or sets to go to with everything shut down — comedians are most likely going stir crazy. And since I’m a nosy bitch, I had to find out just how they were passing the time. As always, I’m Kashmere and these are the Social Distancing Dispatches.
Dan Soder — you know him, you love him, and now you know how he’s spending his quarantine. You don’t need me to tell you who he is, but here’s a reminder to be sure to listen to Dan and Big Jay Oakerson on his radio show The Bonfire Monday-Thursday exclusively on SiriusXM’s Comedy Central Radio at 6PM and watch his breakout HBO Special Son of a Gary on HBO on demand any time. You can also see him as Mafee on Billions, which returns for Season 5 on May 3.
I mean how prepared were you for this? Did you have toilet paper at the ready or were you panic running around to bodegas trying to find like, ramen noodles? I had butt wipes ready to go but that was about it. I had to go to the grocery store and bought all the wrong stuff, don’t know why I thought I needed two family size boxes of Ritz crackers, but it’s April and I think I’ve just had a half of sleeve. Went back to the store a second time and finally got stuff I actually needed.
Are you an introvert or extrovert? Do you feel like this is your thrive time or are you making up conversations with inanimate objects. Definitely thought I was more of an introvert before this but being quarantined made me realized that I’m definitely missing interacting with people.
Are you quarantined alone or with a significant other? How is? I’m quarantined with my girlfriend and it’s the perfect way to find out if a relationship is going to last or not. Thank God it’s been going great. I think if I was in a shitty relationship this would be torture, just a lot of hard silences and then snapping at each other all the time. Right now we are averaging about one argument a week, which is pretty great.
Have you come up with a random quarantine meal/snack that you would never eat during your normal day-to-day? I’m eating a lot of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with chips. I haven’t ate this many pb&js since elementary school
The most random show that you’ve found solace in during this… no need to be embarrassed, I’m rewatching Real Housewives of New Jersey to feel right now. I’d be going crazy without video games. Got into Rocket League (trying to get Big Jay into it) and started playing God of War, which I should have finished within the week.
Be honest: when do you start drinking, and how many bottles of wine have you had? I don’t drink but I smoke weed, and I’ve been smoking a lot of weed. My quarantine rule has been no smoking before noon, but that rule has been broken several times and probably will continue to be, so it’s really just a rule I’m not respecting.
What do you want to accomplish during this time that you have been putting off because you “don’t have the time”? I really wanted to clean my apartment and organize my room, but I’m staying with my girlfriend so that’s not going to happen till after the quarantine, which means it’s not going to happen.