41 of The Funniest People on the Planet Make The Funniest Predictions in the Universe for Football’s Biggest Game of the Year: 2022 Edition: Rams v Bengals
Yes!!! It’s that time again! The day when we team up with SiriusXM’s Bennington show for Super Bowl Sunday to deliver the most important Super Bowl predictions anywhere! Are they accurate? NO! Will they win you money? NOT LIKELY! But will they be entertaining? PROBABLY!
We may not deliver winning bets, but we always deliver the best comedy coverage of the biggest sports event of the year.
This year veteran quarterback Matt Stafford heads to his first shot in the big game hoping to prove he was a champion all along and only had to leave Detroit to make magic. With him will be a formidable team, the LA Rams. The Rams have been to the Super Bowl four times before this year, and only once as the Los Angeles Rams and they’ve never won as the Los Angeles Rams but they hope to change that on Sunday. But to do that, they’ll have to beat Joe Cool himself, Joe Burrow and the Cincinnati Bengals. The Bengals have been to two Super Bowls, losing both times. But and after this Sunday they’ll have played in the coldest and hottest Super Bowls in history. It seems like everyone is hoping to see Burrow come out of this on top, because they love the story. Stafford vs Burrow, The Vet vs Joe Cool, West versus Midwest, Tigers vs Rams, helmet against helmet, the orange and black against the blue and the gold, guacamole vs chocolate chili.It’s still Any Given Sunday and the only thing we know for sure is that the Tom Brady isn’t in it.
It’s Super Bowl 56, and we’ve got predictions from 40 of the funniest comedians on the planet. Read and listen to those predictions right here, right now. Who ya got?
And without further interruption, here are the picks!
THEY PICKED THE RAMS! (13)
Pete Lee. Los Angeles 49. Cincinnati 3.
I predict that the LA Rams are going to win the Super Bowl. I think the score is going to be 49-13. Rams win even though their uniforms look like the Best Buy logo.
Rich Vos. Los Angeles 34. Cincinnati Forfeit.
Of course I’m going to go with the Rams. I played on the Rams in little league, so the Rams were always my favorite team. And I also played on the Orioles. In college after football I was drafted by the Rams. I didn’t play. I pursued major league basketball. Anyhow thats all in the past. And I think its going to be a low scoring game, so I’m going to go with the Rams. The Rams 34, and the Bengals forfeit. 34-forfeit. That’s good.
Denny Glasser and Owen Wilson. Los Angeles 38. Cincinnati 12.
HI GUYS II’m Denny Glasser, and I’m going to make the Super Bowl pick today. Actually, take that back, I’m going to need my friend Owen Wilson to help me. One moment. Owen: Wow what’s going on compadres. I think the Los Angeles Rams are going to win the Super Bowl. A, because I’m in Los Angeles and b, we’re big steelers fans .I think the score is going to be 38-12. Yeah the Rams are going to hold the Cincinnati Bengals to 12 points. Unbelievable. Wow. Why? Because they’re loaded with Super Stars. Von Miller, Aaron Donald, The list goes on and on. Enjoy the Super Bowl. Enjoy the halftime show too. It’s going to be amazing. Eminem is going to be there. Waaaaow.
Mike Vecchione. Los Angeles 35. Cincinnati 21.
I predict the Rams with the victory, 35-21. I think its going to be not very close, I just think the Rams are high powered and the Bengals are the underdog and they already won that big game in Kansas City. So coming off that big emotional win, even though the Super Bowl is the biggest game, I think there’s going to be a drop off. I think they’re happy to be there and I think the Rams run away with it.
Bridget Everett. Los Angeles 24. Cincinnati 13.
I think the Rams are going to take it this year, 24-13 because the defensive line is impenetrable and that is not just because i want to say impenetrable.
Dave Hill. Los Angeles 35. Cincinnati 26.
No one loves the Super Bowl more than I do. The pageantry. The snacks. This year, its the Cincinnati Bengals with their so great at football. And then the Los Angeles Rams. I had a Los Angeles Rams helmet as a kid so I gotta go with them. Cause it gives me an excuse to break out the helmet if my dad didn’t throw it out. Ohio! All the cities in Ohio hate each other so theres no way I would root for a team outside of cleveland. The score is going to be at least 78 to 12. Something in there. No lets go 35-26. Is that possible?
Paul Virzi. Los Angeles 27. Cincinnati 18.
I think the Los Angeles Rams are going to win the super bowl by a score of 27-18. The reason I think this is because the bengals weakness is their Offensive line and the Rams strength is their Defensive line. As much as I’d love to see Joe Burrow win, I don’t think they’re going to be able to do it
Joe List. Los Angeles 30. Cincinnati 26.
I believe the St. Louis Rams will win, 30-26. Lotta field goals. Rooting for the Bengals but I think the Rams are gonna win. I know they moved to Los Angeles. 30-26 Rams over the Bengals. Bet your house on it.
Paul Morrissey. Los Angeles 27. Cincinnati 24.
Defending highlander champion Paul Morrissey! I’m a current resident of Los Angeles, so the Rams having a home Super Bowl, tremendous advantage, Matthew Stafford, Cooper Cupp, the whole gang. But Cincinnati gets to the Super Bowl once in your lifetime. And they usually lose. So I am picking the Rams but 27-24.
Tom Papa. Los Angeles 27. Cincinnati 24.
This is my prediction and you know, I am all things sports, all the time. I’ve turned down so many opportunities to host sports shows because i…I really know nothing. I pretend to though. I can talk a good game. So I’m going to say this years Super Bowl is going to be won by The Rams. The Rams are going to crush the dreams of the Cincinnati Bengals and they’re going to win by the socre of 27 to 24. Cause every game has come down to a field goal and this game will be no different. That’s the key. All you have to do is say it with authority and people will think you know what you’re doing.
Adam Ferrara. Los Angeles 27. Cincinnati 24.
The Rams defensive line is going to overpower the Cincinnati offensive line. I think the Rams are going to win but right now the spreads at four. I’m picking the Bengals because I think its going to e field goal game.Score is going to be, 27-24 and like the Rams have mortgaged their future so have I. I’m up to my eyes.
Avery Pearson. Los Angeles 27. Cincinnati 25.
Okay, number one prediction, Brady’s not in it. Yeah! And the Patriots, they’re not in it. And neither of them are ever going to be in it ever again. I’m a Bills fan, you can all eat it. We got the Bengals against the Rams. Living in LA gotta give some love to the hometown team. So we’re going to go 27 to 25 in a nail biter. That’s it. I don’t know how the 25 adds up, but thats it.
Yannis Pappas. Los Angeles by 14.
My prediction is that the rams are going to win by two touchdowns. And OBJ is going to hit the over in catches and so ar the fans, they’re going to beat him with catches of Covid.
THEY PICKED A TIE?
David Cross. Cincinnati 38. Los Angeles 38.
Los Angeles 28.I think the Cincinatti Rams are going to take this one. My reason is they can’t lose. And I think the score is going to be a tie. I think its going to be 28 to 28.
THEY PICKED THE BENGALS! (27)
Gary Gulman. Cincinnati 50. Los Angeles 0.
I want the Bengals to win because they never win. And the Rams don’t deserve to win because they don’t even have a….what is their fanbase? They keep moving around and nobody cares about them. And they’ll win just to upset fans of football. But fans of football have no morals or ethics or any kind of integrity. So I hope that the final score is 50-nothing Bengals so at least those miserable Cincinatti fans can finally have a victory.
Kevin Allison. Cincinnati 27. Los Angeles 6.
Okay, well here’s the deal. I’m from Cincinatti Ohio so I have to say that the Bengals are going to win. I don’t know where the Rams come from, I couldn’t even name that. I was the kid that was raised like not paying attention to football even though everyone else does, but it’s got to be the Bengals because good lord, come on. The final score will be 27 to 6. I don’t even know if that’s a possible number.
Jim Norton. Cincinnati 37. Los Angeles 24.
I’m taking the Bengals over the Rams 37-24 because Patrick Mahomes has looked so good for the Bengals this year and the way they ran through the Dolphins in the playoffs, is impressive and Dan Faust has just not done well post season for the Rams and they almost lost to Pittsburgh in the third, so I’m going to go with the Bengals 37-24.
Dave Temple. Cincinnati 28. Los Angeles 17.
I am going for the long shot. Cincinatti Bengals and I’m predicting a score of 28-17. 28-17 bet that! And I know they’re the longshot. Here’s the reason why. San Diego, they’re playing in California, its a bit of a home game. I get that pressure, everyone’s expecting you to bring something home, for California during the pandemic. Well guess what, Cincinatti doesn’t have that kind of pressure and they’ve been rolling hot. With the momentum that they got and the zen of nothing on the line and an away game where nobody’s expecting them to win, that’s when teams perform well. Cincinnati Bengals, 2022 Super Bowl champions, Dave Temple, I called it.
Casey Balsham. Cincinnati 24. Los Angeles 13.
We’re going to have the Bengals at 24 and the dumb Rams at 13. If there’s anything that we know about this post season it’s that there will be field goals. Technically I wish both teams would lose because my niners didn’t make it. But If I have to give it to someone let’s give it to the team that did not beat my team. Bengals 24, Rams 13.
Amy Miller. Cincinnati 38. Los Angeles 28.
I think the Bengals are going to win, 38-28. That feels good. Nice sexy round numbers. I think Cincinnati even though I live in LA, because I’m a Raiders fan and also I like to make up a big pot of chili with chocolate on it, dump it on spaghetti and then pile some cheese on that shit. I love Cincinnati. Go Bengals.
Sam Roberts. Cincinnati 69. Los Angeles 62ish.
Super Bowl is coming up and people want to know what my prediction is. I think its pretty easy. When you’ve got a team that is fighting for more than just a team, that is fighting for a cause you’ve got a team that can win. Thats why my money is on the Cincinnati Bengals who are fighting for not only a super bowl championship, but for Harambe. I think it will be a close game. I think the Rams will score somewhere in the low 60 points believe it or not, because if you ask me, I thing the Bengals win this thing at 69.
Nate Bargatze. Cincinnati 37. Los Angeles 30.
I’m going to go, just being a fan wise, I’m not a fan, I’m a Titans fan. They lost to the Bengals, the Cincinnati Bengals. I will pick the Bengals to win. I like Joe Burrow. I like Matthew Stafford too, I’m glad that he’s got a shot at it. But I’m going to go Cincinnati Bengals and the score will be 37-30.
Brad Williams. Cincinnati 35. Los Angeles 28.
My predictions for the big game- I think that despite the fact that I live in Los Angeles and I’m a Rams fan, I think the Bengals are going to win the Super Bowl. Teh reason why I have to say that is because my wife is Chinese and its the year of the tiger. We just celebrated Chinese New Year and Happy Wife, Happy Life. So I’m going to go with the Bengals, Ancient Chinese Secret, That’s my prediction. I think the score is going to be 35-28, Bengals win in a shoot out.
Jimmy Shubert. Cincinnati 34. Los Angeles 27.
The LA Rams were there a couple years ago, I really like the head coach Sean McVeigh. But I like the Rams. I’ll be rooting for the Rams but those god damn Bengals beat Kansas City twice in January. OH boy. I take the Bengals with the points, but I’m rooting for the rams and final score is 34-27.
Big Jay Oakerson. Cincinnati 34. Los Angeles 21.
I think that the Bengals are going to win the Super Bowl 34 to 21 because Dan said it and he knows more about it than I do.
Dan Soder. Cincinnati 31. Los Angeles 24.
This Sunday I think the Bengals are going to defeat the LA Rams 31 to 24. And bring the first Super Bowl to Cincinnati. Because if the 49ers would have played the Bengals they would have won.
Chris DiStefano. Cincinnati 45. Los Angeles 40.
What’s up! I got the Cincinatti Bengals winning 45 to 40. And the reason they’re scoring 45 points is in honor of our great dear leader Donald Trump.
Josh Adam Meyers. Cincinnati 32. Los Angeles 28.
**Singing** This is Josh Adam Meyers being asked to prognosticate like Punxsatawney Phil who I think is going to win this year’s Super Bowl. Super Bowl triple X as in, behind the green door, the Marilyn Chambers Super Bowl. Being that I’ve been right every year that I’ve given my prediction, everybody is waiting with baited breath to see who I pick. And this year, I’m going to go out on a long shot. I’m going to say that the Rams defensive line is not going to be able to stop who I think will be the Next Tom Brady, the next Joe Montana, the next Payton Manning, the next great quarterback in the NFL. ARGUABLY one of my favorite players since I saw him smoke a cigar after I saw him win the national championship at LSU. I want to call him Broadway Joe Burrow even though other people have a different nickname for him. I honest to god think he is a winner. Joe Burrow is a winner. He is 100% not going to shine in this situation. People are saying I’m wrong. Rams defense are stacked. I don’t give a fuck. Cincinnati will win this game 32-28. Cincinnati will beat the rams on their home turf. SOFI is going to be so fucked because everyones going to have to drive home on that 405 traffic, back to the Valley where they live because their team lost. Even though I’ve lived in LA for 14 years, I don’t give a flying fuck. Also, ban Washington Commanders! To be it will always be the Washington Football Team. ***singing****
Brad Williams. Cincinnati 35. Los Angeles 28.
My predictions for the big game- I think that despite the fact that I live in Los Angeles and I’m a Rams fan, I think the Bengals are going to win the Super Bowl. The reason why I have to say that is because my wife is Chinese and its the year of the tiger. We just celebrated Chinese New Year and Happy Wife, Happy Life. So I’m going to go with the Bengals, Ancient Chinese Secret, That’s my prediction. I think the score is going to be 35-28, Bengals win in a shoot out.
Robby Slowik. Cincinnati 28. Los Angeles 24.
The Cincinnati Bengals take it over the Rams 28 to 24 only because Cincinnati needs a win more than LA
Dan Perlman. Cincinnati 28. Los Angeles 24.
I think I’m going to take the Bengals. I feel like…in fairness I only know two players playing in the Super Bowl. I know Matthew Stafford is the Rams quarterback, and I just found out about Joe Burrow last week. I feel like Burrow is young and cool and so it feels like he’ll win even though it feels like Cincinnati is a team that will lose, because its like who cares about that place. But I feel like he’s a cool new guy so he’ll get the win even though you would think LA would win because it just feels like the Rams, that is the kind of thing that would happen. But I’m going to go Bengals because I jut think they match up really well in terms of the weird reasons I just said. Final score, 28 to 24.
Monroe Martin. Cincinnati 24. Los Angeles 20.
I think that the score is going to be 20-24 Bengals. Meaning….I thing the Bengals may take this out. And for my reasoning? I have no idea, I haven’t even been keeping up with this season. All I know is Eli Apple is from Philly and he’s been losing.
Roy Wood Jr. Cincinnati 31. Los Angeles 28.
I think that the Cincinnati Bengals are going to win the Super Bowl final score 31-28. And I think they’re going to win because I really like Joe Burrow. Thats a arrogant white boy right there. He beat Alabama, talked that shit. Won that Heisman, talked that shit. Smoking cigars. They asked him if his diamonds was real. He said I make too much money to wear fake diamonds. Talk your shit Joe Burrow! Bengals win the Championship! Everybody in Cincinnati gets drunk. They eat Chili spaghetti from Skyline Chili. Everybody get diarrhea the next day.
Tommy Johnagin. Cincinnati 27. Los Angeles 24.
I think the Cincinnati Bengals are going to win the Super Bowl. I’m going with a 27 to 24 final score and I think the Bengals are going to pull it off with this Joey Burrows and ice cold sunglasses and jewelry and Ja’marr Chase. And also they’re fueled by skyline chili. It’s just pure diarrhea fumes coming out of those guys.
Seaton Smith. Cincinnati 27. Los Angeles 24.
I’m gonna flip it. I was going to go with the rams cause I felt like the coach- I dont think he’s going to mess it up two times in a row. But I dunno man, what if they got that cocky Cincinnati Bengals dude. I might ride that wave. Aight. Cincinnati Bengals win its going to be like 27-24. I think somebody’s gonna mess something up. Gonna be a small game. Somebody’s gonna choke. Not gonna be a good game. That’s my prediction.
Eddie Pepitone. Cincinnati 27. Los Angeles 24.
Cincinnati will upset the Rams and win this game 27-24 for two reasons. One, Cincinatti the city has nothing. It needs this. God if there is one has to give Cincinnati this. And number two, it will be nice to see Matthew Stafford suffer for another year.
Jim Florentine. Cincinnati 26. Los Angeles 23.
I’ve been doing my super bowl prediction five years now and every year I get it completely wrong. Complete opposite of what I say usually happens. But I have a hunch this year that the Bengals are going to win 26-23. They got this rookie field goal kicker the guy doesn’t miss. He doesn’t care about anything for some reason, nothing affects him. Joe Burrow is an animal, he’s 21 years old he smokes cigars I like that. And I just don’t like the Rams and the celebrities are going to be Rams fans all of a sudden. They’re all going to be at the Stadium like they’re all fans. They didn’t follow them when they were St. Louis so Bengals in an upset. 26-23
Jeremiah Watkins. Cincinnati 24. Los Angeles 21.
I think that the Cincinnati Bengals are going to take it even though I want LA to win. I think that the Bengals have that magic juice right now. It’s come down to field goals throughout the entire playoffs. And I think the Bengals are going to lead by 3 in the fourth quarter, 24-21. That’s my prediction. Who Dey!?
Tammy Pescatelli. Cincinnati 24. Los Angeles 21.
Well, listen, I’m an Ohio girl and a Browns fan. But they’re not really in the NFL. So I think begrudgingly, just like a New York fan who goes for the Jets when the Giants are out, I’m going to go for the Bengals. Just because I don’t think LA deserves a win. It’s not really fair, you just got the franchise back. And the Super Bowl’s there. Could it be any easier for ya? So I’m going to go with the Bengal sand I think its going to be a low scoring game. Maybe 21-24.
James Mattern. Cincinnati 23. Los Angeles 20.
Everything’s breaking for the Rams. They were supposed to be the best team. They weren’t the best team and then somehow they were in the playoffs, but barely. And I should want to take them. I can’t, I grew up four hours from LA. I hate the rams, I called them the worms. I hate their uniforms. I’m going to go with Joe Burrow. I’m not betting against this kid. He doesn’t know better. He’s going to show up like Joe Namath in a fur coat and a cigar. So I’m going to take the Bengals, 23 to 20. Let’s do this. The kicker will win the MVP and become the most like, the most asked of any kicker of all time and its going ot be great for him. Bengals! Who dey? Unless its who dat. I get confused between them and the saints. It’s going to be wonderful for the whole state of Kentucky. And Cincinnati. BAM!
Robert Kelly. Cincinnati 21. Los Angeles 23.
I’m telling you right now, the B more Bengals are going to win. Why? Because the Rams stink. It’s LA and they stink. It’s not even the LA Rams, what where they before? St. Louis Rams? LA just, uch. Just buy a team. They stink. Bengals. They just buy a team. They stink. Bengals are gonna win big plays like last week and they’re going to win the super bowl and that stupid helmet is going to be Super Bowl champs. And everybody’s going to buy a dumb hat with strips on it. What’s a bengal anyway? (Joe list: a tiger!) What kind of Tiger? (Joe List: A bengal tiger) Oh shit, you know what, thats kind of cool. I’m sorry. (Joe: this is getting long) The score is going to be 21-23. It’s going to be tied up, go to overtime. The Bangs are going ot get the flip and they’re going to win it, field goal.
Sean Donnelly. Cincinnati 31. Los Angeles 20.
II think the Cincinnati Bengals are going to win the Super Bowl because I was just in that town and they went absolutely berzerk when they won the playoff game. I think they’re going to win because they need it. I am a mets fan from New York and yes its a different sport but you can always appreciate an underdog. And I think the score will be close, like 21-20, like a low scoring game. They both want it really bad but I really am rooting for the Cincinnati Bengals.
