Pope and Mirrors? He’s Popular. He’s Praised. He’s Pope Francis.

Pope Francis Person of the YearWith his emphasis on the plight of the poor, his acceptance of homosexuality, and his efforts to repair the Church’s ineffective handling of sexual abuse charges, Pope Francis has built a reputation as the most progressive pontiff since Vatican II, when Pope Paul VI convinced the Catholic Church to ditch the Latin Mass and to lighten up on all that either-you’re-Catholic-or-you’re hellbound dogma.

 Compared to his direct predecessor, Pope Benedict XVI – who actually went out of his way to make the Mass more archaic by changing the response to “The Lord be With You” from “And Also With You” to the enigmatic “And With Your Spirit,” and introduced us to the surefire Scrabble winning word “consubstantiation” – Francis is a breath of fresh air.

On gays: “Who am I to judge?”

 On unchecked capitalism: “A new tyranny.”

 On sexual abuse of children: “Act decisively … promoting, above all, measures to protect minors.”

 On atheism: “The Lord has redeemed all of us … all of us, not just Catholics. Everyone!”

He also signed off on public breast-feeding (huzzah!), got Bill O’Reilly’s panties in a twist when he had the audacity to suggest that money should go to the poor instead of corporations, and named new cardinals to go over the books at the Vatican Bank.

This guy’s so left wing that he gives Janeane Garofalo whiplash. Time Magazine named him “Person of the Year” for 2013 (though, to be fair, he had a lousy showing in People’s Sexiest Man Alive poll). He has been heralded as the new savior of the Catholic Church, the hip septuagenarian who’s going to appoint female priests, approve divorce, and allow us all to eat meat on Fridays during Lent. Like Kevin Bacon in “Footloose,” he’s here to teach us all how to dance and to thumb his nose at The Man. Keggers in every rectory and drive-through absolution for everyone! He even has his own Twitter account.

Not quite. Unfortunately, this pontiff isn’t necessarily the greatest thing since sliced Communion wafers.  At least not yet.

Pope Francis deserves admiration and respect for eschewing some of the perks of papal privilege and advocating for the sick and the poor, but he’s not quite the liberal superman that he has been made out to be. Spoiler alert in case you haven’t read the book: His most “progressive” ideals come directly out of the Gospel of Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.  Yep, this dogma-smashing “Man of the Year” is cribbing off Jesus.

 The welfare of kids? Matthew 19:14 (“Let the little children come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom from heaven belongs to people like these.”)

Capitalism? Matthew 19:24 (“Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.”)

 Gay rights? Well, Jesus never went into detail when it comes to equality; he didn’t delineate between races, genders, sexual preferences, eye colors, or S.A.T scores. He pretty much covered all the bases with “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:39). No asterisks. Pretty straight-forward stuff.

Somehow, the Bible belt got the whole message confused, like a group of school kids playing the telephone game. This pope comes dancing in from Argentina and tells us the same stuff we learned in Sunday School, and Time’s slapping him on its cover like he was in One Direction.

popejamesdeanWe’re all still on a bit of a “new pope high” right now, but let’s put things in perspective.  Pope Francis looks dynamic because Pope Benedict was a dud, and Pope John Paul II was approximately 110 years old for the last two decades of his papacy.  It would be hard for Francis to not come across like James Dean in comparison.

 At his “State of the World” address this week, he spoke out against abortion, calling it “horrific.” Not unike a business executive facing a PR crisis, he formed a “panel of experts” to further investigate the litany of abuse charges leveled against the Church over the past 15 years, choosing to remain uncharacteristically quiet on the subject himself. He also reportedly lost his mind over a bill to legalize gay adoption in Malta and called gay marriage “a destructive attack” on God’s plan.

 You can almost hear the uncomfortable silence as liberal America tugs its collar like Rodney Dangerfield in a flop sweat. “Oh boy, Francis, you’re killin’ me.”

 Meet the new pope. Same as the old popes?

 At the very least, Francis is a step in the right direction. He may not be the progressive force so desperately needed to bring the Catholic Church into the 21stcentury (or even the 20th century), but he’s preaching inclusion, compassion, and tolerance.

 It’s a start. Now let’s see if he can bring back “And Also With You” … cause this “With Your Spirit” thing is for the birds.

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Dan Murphy is a freelance writer in Buffalo. Pre-order his new book documenting the rise of women’s wrestling from sideshow to WWE main event on Amazon.com, "Sisterhood of the Squared Circle: The History and Rise of Women’s Wrestling"
Dan Murphy
Dan Murphy
Dan Murphy is a freelance writer in Buffalo. Pre-order his new book documenting the rise of women’s wrestling from sideshow to WWE main event on Amazon.com, "Sisterhood of the Squared Circle: The History and Rise of Women’s Wrestling"