Did You Hear? With Kashmere! November 11

Between dealing with kids, dealing with work, and dealing with Take Your Kids to Work Day, you may have missed some of the most insane things celebrities did this week. Well, have no fear — because Kashmere is here with his finger on the pulse and his eyes on every Instagram account of anyone worth talking about. From Oscar winners to reality TV royalty, to even actually royalty; here are the craziest stories going on this week. Welcome to our newest series, “Did You Hear? With Kashmere!”
Kashmere (also known as Danny Murphy) is a comedian, writer, and pop culture connoisseur (despite not really knowing how to spell connoisseur). He currently writes for Betches and Marie Claire and has also been featured in Glamour, Seventeen and Town & Country. When he’s not drinking red wine or iced coffee while watching Bravo, he’s performing around New York and hosting PASS THE AUX at The Stonewall Inn and DO I SEND IT? at Branded Saloon. Follow his fake reality show AKA his Instagram stories, @kashmeredanny.

Anyone else ready to just call it a year? We all tried our collective “best” in 2019, let’s just ride it out with a mix of chocolate and carbs until 2020 comes and we pretend to ourselves that we are completely turning over a new leaf.

You Can’t Handle the Truth — So You Need A Drink:

This is very 2011 of me, and also very sponcon of me (I wish), but I just got back into Starbucks refreshers and I’m not even over exaggerating when I say they’ve changed my life. I’m sure there’s 88 grams of sugar in them, but they make me feel innocent, youthful, and REFRESHED. Strawberry Acai will give you life. .

Shocked to Not

Let’s rank the five most shocking (or not remotely surprising at all) stories from this past week.
  1. Madonna is Being Sued for Being A Diva | this lawsuit is the funniest thing I think I’ll read all day. Yes, a fan is suing Madonna cause she starts her concerts late. Did he forget that bitch, she’s Madonna? Asking her to start on time for you is like asking the hostess at brunch if you can sit before your full party arrives — you know it’s not in their nature. Can’t wait for Madonna to just ignore this as she should.
  2. Miley Cyrus is Silent Until 2020 | After her whirlwind year in the public eye, it almost seems like getting vocal surgery is the best thing for Cyrus. She won’t be able to talk until January, so hopefully that means she’ll be able to go a week without being a headline, but knowing her she’ll learn ASL and tear shit up.
  3. Sarah Hyland: No Ifs, Ands, or Butt Tattoos | Since she got her fame from a show Modern Family, I guess it’s no surprise that she is modern herself. From finding love with an ex-Bachelorette contestant to sharing the process of removing her butt tattoo on Instagram. It was apparently a purple dinosaur tattoo on her butt, which I feel like the punishment for getting that as a ratio should be keeping it forever.
  4. CrossFit Founder’s Convict Fiancé is Bailed Out! | Talk about a love story. I’m kind of considering them to be MY royal family, and I will be bowing down to them. They shared their first kiss after he was freed on a $2 million bond. That’s love. ❤️
  5. Faith Evans Blazed It with a Whitney Houston | We talked last week about how Whitney’s friend is writing a tell all book about how they’d basically sit and kiss to kd lang, so it’s nice to have some stories that I’m sure Whitney would be more okay with coming to light being told. This story is a great way to remember the icon, because wouldn’t want to get high with these two? At a COUNTRY CLUB no less. That is class.

The More You Know: Our Weekly Life Lesson From the A-to-Z List

Don’t get a purple dinosaur tattoo anywhere on your body, especially your ass. I thought they taught kids that in DARE but I guess it’s up to me to remind the world. 

Blast From the PAST:

In honor of the holiday season OFFICIALLY ARRIVING, the throwback for us all is, of course Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas is You.” It’s been changing the game for 25 years, and I will not judge you for a second if you listen to it every other song today.

Stream or Scream?

This is the year that major singers are reminding everyone that some of their favorite songs are from 4 years ago but still slap. I mean, Lizzo’s two top ten hits this year came out in 2016 and 2017. With that, Ariana is jumping on the bandwagon and reminding everyone that she released an R&B Christmas EP and TBH I will be listening to it on my walk to get spiked not chocolates. It’s called Christmas & Chill because of course it is.


Read more comedy news.

The following two tabs change content below.
Dan Murphy is a freelance writer in Buffalo. Pre-order his new book documenting the rise of women’s wrestling from sideshow to WWE main event on Amazon.com, "Sisterhood of the Squared Circle: The History and Rise of Women’s Wrestling"
Dan Murphy
Dan Murphy
Dan Murphy is a freelance writer in Buffalo. Pre-order his new book documenting the rise of women’s wrestling from sideshow to WWE main event on Amazon.com, "Sisterhood of the Squared Circle: The History and Rise of Women’s Wrestling"