Between dealing with kids, dealing with work, and dealing with Take Your Kids to Work Day, you may have missed some of the most insane things celebrities did this week. Well, have no fear — because Kashmere is here with his finger on the pulse and his eyes on every Instagram account of anyone worth talking about. From Oscar winners to reality TV royalty, to even actually royalty; here are the craziest stories going on this week. Welcome to our newest series, “Did You Hear? With Kashmere!”
Kashmere (also known as Danny Murphy) is a comedian, writer, and pop culture connoisseur (despite not really knowing how to spell connoisseur). He currently writes for Betches and Marie Claire and has also been featured in Glamour, Seventeen and Town & Country. When he’s not drinking red wine or iced coffee while watching Bravo, he’s performing around New York and hosting PASS THE AUX at The Stonewall Inn and DO I SEND IT? at Branded Saloon. Follow his fake reality show AKA his Instagram stories, @kashmeredanny.
There has been SO many levels to this week. I feel like everyday something insane or psychotic was in the news. If you’re like me, the only way you were able to cope with it all was by having an endless bucket of mimosas and running into 500 acquaintances after said mimosas and just shouting in the street about how it’s nice out. Warning to all: approach me in public with caution, cause you never know what stage of living, laughing and loving I may be at. Luckily my Chinese food arrived and I centered myself enough to pull together the stories of the week and more for you all — because I’m so nice.
And also, special THANK YOU shout out to The Mobs Press for giving DID YOU HEAR? some love this week! We love you, and I’m considering this coverage my very own Emmy.
You Can’t Handle the Truth — So You Need A Drink:
Pumpkin has come back in a big way, because I guess global warming is scaring everyone into thinking the world will burst into flames by mid-October. With that, you can’t go into a coffee shop or grocery store without seeing pumpkin flavored dog food, lattes, and tampons. In honor of this trend, I want to give a little twist on it with a FALL DOWN. It’s named that because it’s mainly just vodka and you might fall down. Cheers!
To a shaker full of ice, add:
One shot of Pinnacle Pumpkin Spice Vodka
One shot of Smirnoff Vanilla Vodka
Mix it together and pour it into a glass of Sparkling Ice Crisp Apple Cidar and pray that it doesn’t send you into a full fall overload. RIM the glass (we’re fancy) with maple syrup and cinnamon if you really want to Pinterest your heart out.
Shocked to Not:
Let’s rank the five most shocking (or not remotely surprising at all) stories from this past week.
Felicity Huffman Has Two Weeks in “Jail” | Well, that is one prison door closed in the College Admission Scandal that took over all of 2019. Some are shocked she got any time behind bars at all, but obviously, she’s staying at the most glamourous one around (no literally, it sounds nicer than all of our houses). Read more about it here and let’s wait and see what happens to Lori! Personally, I feel like if Felicity got two weeks instead of a new Alex & Ani bracelet (what I thought the judge was going to give her) it’s not looking good for Aunt Becky. Even though, I would watch the hell out of a show called “Loughlin Locked Up.”
Zooey Deschanel Is Investing In A Property Brother | I have questions. Okay, just one. How? Why? Alright fine that was two questions, but truly WHAT IS THIS PAIRING? Did they meet at a Creative Arts Emmy party? Or a Party City? I wonder what the other sibling has to say about this since I’m still convinced the two brothers are actually dating. Don’t believe me? Look at this picture.
Meghan Markle Nephew Is Making Royal Baby Themed Weed | Gotta love family, right? They always have a way to make things just… unnecessarily complicated. Now on top of all the negative press Meghan is receiving for just existing, she’s gonna have to answer if she’s a bowl or a joint girl. Also, who wants a strain named Archie? Read up and puff, puff pass here.
Beyoncé Was Completely Shut Out at the Emmys | Looks like the Emmy voters did not get into formation this weekend, cause Yoncé was shut out of every category this year. She dropped her Homecoming performance on Netflix to critical acclaim, but I guess it just goes to show: it doesn’t matter how many dance moves you learn, James Corden’s Carpool Karaoke will always come out on top. Check the list of winners here!
Demi Lovato Is the Latest Celeb With A Bachelor Beau | Every week there seems to be another A-lister hanging out with someone on the A(BC casting call)-list. Last week, Gigi brought Tyler to her grandmothers funeral (there apparently weren’t any tables at Nobu) and now Demi Lovato is getting it on with Mike after they exchanged some hot and heavy Instagram behavior. Check out their date night details here.
The More You Know: Our Weekly Life Lesson From the A-to-Z List
MAJOR TAKEAWAY! Should I audition to be on the Bachelor? I feel like it’s now the new grad school but instead of going into debt and getting a masters degree in TV Production, I just get 700,000 Instagram followers and a date with a celebrity. ABC, SIGN ME UP.
Blast From the PAST:
In honor of the stream section pick, we have to give this week’s TBT to Jennifer Lopez’s green dress that literally INVENTED GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH. What have you done with your life?
Stream or Scream?:
HUSTLERS. I’m taking a leap of faith recommending it because it’s all anyone I’ve come into contact with has talked about, but people seem to love it and have been giving some serious buzz about all the performers. I’m seeing it today, so expect an EXTENSIVELY DETAILED review if I loved or hated it soon. I hope the world didn’t lie to me but then again, people told me to watch Friends from College. And that was rough.