Between dealing with kids, dealing with work, and dealing with Take Your Kids to Work Day, you may have missed some of the most insane things celebrities did this week. Well, have no fear — because Kashmere is here with his finger on the pulse and his eyes on every Instagram account of anyone worth talking about. From Oscar winners to reality TV royalty, to even actually royalty; here are the craziest stories going on this week. Welcome to our newest series, “Did You Hear? With Kashmere!”
Kashmere (also known as Danny Murphy) is a comedian, writer, and pop culture connoisseur (despite not really knowing how to spell connoisseur). He currently writes for Betches and Marie Claire and has also been featured in Glamour, Seventeen and Town & Country. When he’s not drinking red wine or iced coffee while watching Bravo, he’s performing around New York and hosting PASS THE AUX at The Stonewall Inn and DO I SEND IT? at Branded Saloon. Follow his fake reality show AKA his Instagram stories, @kashmeredanny.
We’re back! I always knew fall was more my speed but I had no clue that I would wind up having a Hot Girl Fall because of it. I’ve feel like I’ve been out dancing and drinking tequila sodas more this past month than I have all year — some people feel invincible in the right pair of shoes, I feel immortal in an oversized sweater from H&M. We all have our strengths. Speaking of strengths, can we talk about how strong Reneé Zelwegger is for carrying the entire movie JUDY on her back? Truly, see it for her and her spot on impression of the legend. People are saying the Oscar is hers and because I think the only other movie that’s out that’s been of note is Hustlers, I definitely think she has a chance.
You Can’t Handle the Truth — So You Need A Drink:
I saw this picture of a pumpkin spiced martini on Instagram and it’s all I’ve been dreaming about. TBH, I’m considering it the adult version of a Pumpkin Spiced Latte so here’s hoping Starbucks gets a full bar liquor license and starts to give the people what they want and need.
Shocked to Not:
Let’s rank the five most shocking (or not remotely surprising at all) stories from this past week.
Jennifer Lawrence is married!| Congrats, JLAW! She’s been doing 2019 right and by right I mean she’s been spending it mainly out of the public eye. Even she said herself that she feels everyone needed a break from her and her love of pizza, and I’m glad she was able to take that time for herself to find actually love. Art men are also the new men for celebrities, so I’m going to more museums now I guess. Check out the details and guest list here!
Royal Family Feud?| Meghan Maëlle and Prince Harry are opening up the curtains this week with their new documentary, and I am here for it. Not only did Meghan open up about how yeah, she’s not loving her life right now, Harry made reference to the fact that him and Will may be on the outs. Let’s get some more camera crews there ASAP. More info here.
Prince Andrew is Tangled Up Even More with Epstein | That’s not the only Royal drama happening this week, because a detective investigating Jefferey Epstein found a notebook with multiple numbers he used to reach Price Andrew… allegedly. Let’s see how this plays out, and also what the Royal Family’s BS excuse will be. Read more here.
Joe Giudice Looks Completely Different Post Prison | It seems like the Giudice’s are good at a few things: forging financial documents, making red sauce, and working out while incarcerated. The first picture of Joe Giudice since being sentenced came to light this weekend and Juicy Joe looks a little less juicy, which I guess is good for him because he is highly likely to be spending the rest of his life in Italy where he’ll just be eating bread and drinking wine all day. Wait, should I get deported to Italy, too? Check out his new look here.
Felicity Huffman Was Spotted In Prison | Not even a day after starting her prison sentence that has a shorter life span than some of my pimples, we got a picture of Felicity. And TBH? She looks very chic. I might try and get that jumpsuit for myself — and if it ends up being too expensive at Zara, I’ll just Venmo my alma mater $50 and go to prison for 45 minutes. Check out the pictures here.
The More You Know: Our Weekly Life Lesson From the A-to-Z List
Prison is actually great to go to if you’re rich and in the public eye. Seriously, how do celebrities leave looking like we always think we’ll look after sticking with our New Years Resolutions that end up committing to for ten days instead.
Blast From the PAST:
In honor of Felicity Huffman’s prison sentence, let’s take a look back at all the drama that apparently happened on the set of Desperate Housewives. From firings to menaces, it seems like the show was even more entertaining (and emotionally scarring) for the production crew. Read here and also, it seems like all signs do point to Terri Hatcher.
Stream or Scream?:
HARLEYS IN HAWAII! Katy Perry has somehow been releasing some of the best songs of her career this year, even after everyone was convinced she was ove. Guess she was right, just because it’s over doesn’t mean it’s really over. Check out the awesome music video here!