Once again we teamed up with SiriusXM’s Bennington show for Super Bowl Sunday to guarantee we are delivering the best comedy coverage of the biggest sports event of the year. Of course nothing is more important that knowing what funny people think is going to happen in the game. This is the coverage ESPN wishes they had.
This year it’s the Kansas City Chiefs vs the San Francisco 49ers. Garoppolo vs Mahomes, Shanahan vs Reid, Beauty vs the Beast, Tech City vs BBQ City, the Midwest vs the Coast, the Red Team vs the Red Team. Will the Ghost of Colin Kaepernick be in play? Or will the history of the Patriots be a factor. Even in the Big Game, its still Any Given Sunday and the only thing we know for sure is that the Titans won’t be pulling off a miracle today.
It’s Super Bowl 54, and we’ve got predictions from 54 of the funniest comedians on the planet. Read and listen to those predictions right here, right now. Who ya got?
Wil Sylvince. Kansas City 49. San Francisco 7.
I think the Chiefs will win only because I feel like they should win. I think San Francisco is all these big tech companies over there and they’re already winning. So do we need to let that place win anymore? The more they win, that just means more homeless people will be homeless. That’s my theory and why I think the Chiefs should win and also we should stop calling them Chiefs probably also. We should just call them Kansas City football team. The score will be 7 to 32 or 49? Yeah, 49. Yeah. That’s great.
Sean Donnelly. Kansas City 30. San Francisco 0.
I believe that the Kansas City Chiefs are going to win the Super Bowl 30 to zip because that seems like a nice round number. The reason is because they haven’t had it in awhile and they’re the underdog and also Patrick Mahomes is a really fun name to say. Say it with me. Mahomes. Come on they’re going to win.
Bridget Everett. Kansas City 49. San Francisco 23.
Put it all on the line for the Chiefs who are going to take it home this weekend with a 49-23 game. That’s what its going to be. The will be tears, there will be laugher, and there will be joy. And the tears laugher and joy will becoming from Kansas City where I will be watching with my family.
Earl Skakel. Kansas City 45. San Francisco 28.
Even though I’m a diehard Pittsburgh Steeler fan I’ll go with the Kansas City Chiefs in this one. I’ll go with a final score of 45 to 28. The only reason I’m picking the Chiefs, is when I was about 20 years old I was eating dinner with my overweight friend Eric at the Bel Air Country Club. Sitting next to us was Hank Schram, the legendary and winner of Super Bowl 1 Coach of the Chiefs. He got up to leave. He looked at my fat friend about to eat a huge piece of chocolate cake and said, easy on that cake cowboy. GO CHIEFS!
Jared Freid. Kansas City 40. San Francisco 22.
I got Kansas City winning 40-32. That’s your score. I got Kansas City covering. And the reason is because I don’t want anyone from San Francisco winning this game. I don’t want some guy who moved out to Palo Alto because he had an app idea and he wears a patagonia fleece and tells you about IPOs to have anything more than he already has. He lives a perfect life, he doesn’t need to also win a football game. Andy Reid and everyone from Kansas City who looks like him and is covered in bbq grease deserve it more.
Gilbert Gottfried. Kansas City 37. San Francisco 15.
The team thats going to win is the team…I forget their name but they have a black guy. There’s the Chiefs and they’ll win….whatever the numbers are. 37? Oh good, 37 and losing number 15. The 49ers, I did a 49 with my wife last night and I’m in traction right now. It’s hard to explain. You have to bend your legs all the way back, lie on your back and then she tilts her head over while you…its really…don’t try it. It’s very painful to do a 49. Bet everything you got on this.
Andrew Collin. Kansas City 35. San Francisco 21.
I think the Chiefs are going to win. I’m guessing probably 35 to 21. Patrick McHolmes..is it McHolmes? He’s good. He’s got good hair. I like it. It’s curly. I think the curly hair will take on Jimmy Garoppolo’s short hair and the long curly will win in the end. I always pick long curly over short.
Josh Gondelman. Kansas City 37. San Francisco 24.
I think the Kansas City Chiefs are going to win the Super Bowl by a score of 37 to 24 and I think that it is going to be a curse that Colin Kaepernick has levied against the league until the owners stop colluding to keep him out. Or he ages out of being able to be a quarterback.
Mitchell Walters. Kansas City 38. San Francisco 27.
It’s real simple. Higher area code covered in the playoffs. Tennessee and Texas, it was all Tennessee, 614 over 214. It was Texas over, let me see, 615 over 504. Texas over New Orleans, that was another winner. Then we had San Francisco and Green Bay. SF 415, Green Bay 414 another San Francisco winner. Kansas City 816 against 415 San Francisco. Super Bowl goes to Kansas City. Thank you Andy Reid for a wonderful season. That’s my story. High area code wins it all. As far as the score, its definitely going over. I’m giving it 38/27.
Joe List. Kansas City 34. San Francisco 26.
I believe the Kansas City Chiefs or the Queefs as I call them, right folks? They’re going to win the game. 34-26 because it is their time to thrive. I messed up the part that was supposed to be funny. I got nothing.
Adam Ferrara. Kansas City 31. San Francisco 24.
I’m taking Kansas City I think its going to be 31 24 and the reason I think that is because I’m picking Kansas City. I’m praying real hard and god owes me. Alright. God Bless America.
Sam Morrill. Kansas City 31. San Francisco 21.
My pick is Kansas City. I think they’re going to take it. I’m sorry to all the 49ers fans I know but you live in San Francisco you’re probably doing pretty well. You guys have maybe some tech connections. Also Garoppolo is a little too pretty for me. You’re already a quarterback you’re already getting laid constantly, do you have to look like a leading man on an NBC soap? So I’m taking the Chiefs but if the niners win whatever. They’re both winners because I’m playing both SF and KC in April. I think the score is going to be 31 to 21.
Jimmy Shubert. Kansas City 24. San Francisco 17.
I think that the Chiefs are going to beat the very complete San Francisco 49ers. They’re a beast but I think the KC Chiefs are going to win. I’m pulling for Andy Reid, cuz he used to coach the Eagles. I think he’s a Coach that’s kind of due. I think the score is going to be 24-17 KC Chiefs. That’s my prediction, there you have it.
Michael Rapaport. Kansas City 35. San Francisco 27.
I have no real dog in this fight but I think that Patrick Mahomeboy and the Kansas City Chiefs are going to win the Super Bowl this year and I think its going to be 35 to 27. I think it’s going to be a very competitive game, a very fun game. J LO is going to be out there. Shakira is going to be out there. Patrick Mahomes is going to be the MVP of this year’s Super Bowl and I cannot wait.
Andrew Santino. Kansas City 28. San Francisco 21.
I highly highly advice everyone to be a Kansas City Chiefs fan. The Chiefs are boss, shit dude. Patrick Mahomes. Come on man. Who has that kind of completion record with that kind of footing? Anybody knows the real champ is going to be the midwest best. Kansas City Chiefs. They’re going to take them down. Everybody likes a team with a racist mascot. And I’m going to say its gonna be Chiefs 28, 9ers 21. It’s going to be pretty close, pretty close game. Might be a little bit higher than that but Kansas City baby all day.
Carmen Christopher. Kansas City 28. San Francisco 21.
This is the Battle of the Reds because both teams got red jerseys for the Lombardi trophy and the Chiefs are going to win 28-21 although they’ll be down 21-0 at halftime. But the Niners will be mesmerized by JLo’s performance and they’ll be guessing her age like that new app on Instagram where Insta guesses your age and they’ll get all discombobled and the the ghost of Colin Kaepernick will fight against the Niners because they did him dirty. And then the Chiefs will run away with it 28-21
Chris Distefano. Kansas City 21. San Francisco 15.
Kansas City chiefs are going to win 21-15 and I believe they’re going to win because Garoppolo is going to be banging porn stars the night before. So he’s not going to have as good a game as he hoped. He’s going to be all fucked up from banging porn stars.
Josh Adam Meyers. Kansas City 42. San Francisco 38.
Alright everybody, I know you’ve been waiting with baited breath to find out Josh Adam Meyers- the guy who you wouldn’t expect would know a lot about NFL football because he’s so far up the ass of Rolling Stone currently, and the band big star with his podcast. But he does watch even though his Washington Redskins are garbage. Speaking of which, I’m sick of this shit. I think I’m jumping ship, I don’t think I’m going to be a Redskins fan anymore. You can’t have a racist name and go 2 and 14. You gotta go 14 and 2 if you’re going to be racist. That being said I believe that the winner of this year’s LVI Superbowl, will be the Kansas City Chiefs with the score of 42 to 38. This will be a barnburner. And the reason I think that is because the quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs, Joe Montana is better than the quarterback for the 49ers, Joe Montana. I know, it’s hard to believe that you can time cop yourself to a different time and play quarterback for a different team but if Jean Claude Van Damme can do it so can Joe Montana.
Don Jamieson. Kansas City 28. San Francisco 24.
I’m going to go 28-24 KC. I got a lot of friends who live out there so I’m rooting for KC but mostly I’m rooting that I survive the Jim Florentine Super Bowl Party. It is the most insane Super Bowl party. It is the most insane Super Bowl party ever. I’ve been to the NFL Super Bowl party. I’ve watched the Super Bowl with Kerry King from Slayer. Florentine Super Bowl Party is gonna be brutal.
Mike Feeney. Kansas City 31. San Francisco 27.
The Chiefs are favored but I still think the 49ers have the edge. Some would say the best offense is a good defense but that’s not why. It’s because Jimmy Garoppolo is a gorgeous man. He looks like he’s the bachelor essentially. Meanwhile Patrick Mahomes looks like if Eric Andre had CTE. And also, as a Giants fan I want the 49ers to win because the Patriots traded Jimmy G and anything that will make Patriots fans angry makes me happy. But now that I’m thikning about it Patriots fans will probably take credit for turning him into a Super Bowl winning quarterback, so I changed my mind, fuck the 49ers. I’m going Chiefs 31 49ers 27.
Jim Florentine. Kansas City 31. San Francisco 28.
I think its going to be a real close Super Bowl. I think its going to be real exciting. Im pretty sure the Chiefs are going to win but its going to be close. I’m htinking 31-28 Chiefs but it will be a good game. I just think Mahomes is a better quarterback than Garoppalo and usually the better quarterback wins. The guy can score points from anywhere. Take the Chiefs, the over and thats it. But what the fuck do I know?
Eddie Pepitone. Kansas City 31. San Francisco 28.
I think the Kansas City Chiefs are going to win. The reason is because I hate the San Francisco 49ers. I hate the Niners because I’m a lifelong Giant fan who watched the Giants destroy Joe Montana. I don’t know if any 49 fans remember Jim Burt giving Montana a concussion. I just hope the 49ers lose and I really like Patrick Mahomes. I think the score will be 41-28.
Paul Morrisey. Kansas City 27. San Francisco 24.
I’m Paul Morrissey, comedian and defending Bennington Show NFL HIghlander Champion. My prediction for the Super Bowl, Kansas City Chiefs, 27 San Francisco 49ers 24. Patrick Mahomes will become the new Tom Brady and other bets? Coin Toss, take heads. Halftime Show take Shakira over JLo its a lock.
Joe DeRosa. Kansas City By 1 point
I think the Chiefs are going to win in the big contest on Sunday. Whatever it is, I’m going to give it to the Chiefs simply because my good buddy Dan Soder wants the 49ers to win. This is a spite pick. And I predict that they will win- in other words I hope that they will win by one point, so it really really really hurts his feelings.
Big Jay Oakerson. San Francisco 100. Kansas City 0.
San Francisco 49ers win, 100 to nothing. Why? Cause I love Dan Soder.
Liz Miele. San Francisco 100. Kansas City 0.
I think its going to be the 49ers mostly just because that’s a number I can count up to. I don’t care or know anything about football. I’m positive the score is going to be 100 to zero. I know that seems like an outlandish number for football. But I just think somebody is going to do something amazing that night. We all know this is the most magical night of the year and I think someone is really going to do something for the history books. I think people should place bets on this and if they don’t listen to me then they clearly don’t know anything about football either.
Pete Lee. San Francisco 49. Kansas City 0.
I think the 49ers are going to beat the Chiefs 49 to zero because the football people love numbers like that. I think the 49ers offensive is going to score 49 points because Jimmy Garoppolo is so handsome that the Chiefs defense is going to feel dizzy with gayness and not be able to do anything that they should do in that game.
Gary Gulman. San Francisco 49. Kansas City 2.
San Francisco 49ers 49, and Kansas City Chiefs 2, because the 49ers have 49 in their name and the Chiefs are plural meaning 2. Okay there’s your winner.
Christi Chiello. San Francisco 28. Kansas City 8
I think that the San Francisco 49ers are going to beat Kansas City because I’m a big fan of the New England Patriots and so is my whole family and my dad taught me that the quarterback for the 49ers used to play with Tom Brady, I think for the Patriots. I think the final score is going to be Patriots 28 to Kansas City’s 8.
Yannis Pappas. San Francisco 29. Kansas City 12.
I am going with the San Francisco 49ers cause it just seems these liberal towns are winning everything. We’ve got a Golden State dynasty that just happened and I think now its the 49ers turn. You got Garoppolo, I think he’s hungry, he wants to stick it his old team Tom Brady and the Patriots for letting him go, that’s just in the back of his mind. If he doesn’t get Tonya Harding’ed by Tom Brady before this game, no question, the 49ers are going to beat the Chiefs. I’m going 29 to 12 because Garoppolo is a handsome kid and he’ll score two touchdowns with his jawline alone.
Bill Burr. San Francisco 38. Kanas City 23.
The 49ers are going to win even though they have a glorified Mark Sanchez at quarterback who’s just a game manager. I think their defense is better. I think whats his face from Seattle with the messed up Achilles locks down that whole side of the field, and I don’t even think its going to be a game. I think ….if Goodell would just let them destroy them they would but there’s an unwritten rule that you can’t go up by more than three scores cause people turn they channel. So they always make em comeback with a bad pass interference call. And then I would also like to talk about the game within the game. Alright? Both teams, Kansas City and the 49ers love to dance after gaining 3 yards on a sweep or something. They love to celebrate everything that they do. So the game within the game is, can Shakira and JLo follow the dancing thats’ going to happen in the first half before the halftime show. Is it going to feel like more of the same. Like when the opener touches on too many of your subjects and then you just seem tired as a headliner. Alright? 49ers win the game, 38-23.
Anthony DeVito. 27. Kansas City 13.
I think that the Niners are going to beat the Chiefs. I say it’s going to be 27 to 13. And I think they’re going to win because Andy Reid’s head is going to explode on the sidelines and then Chiefs are going to be too distracted by all the blood and guts and they’re not going to be able to pull it off.
Greg Proops. San Francisco 34. Kansas City 17
I’m from San Francisco and Super Bowl 405 played in Joe Robbie Nectar Orange Juice stadium is going to be won by the San Francisco 49ers over Kansas City 24 to 17. Because when you add up 34 and 17 you get a big number and that’s what the Niners are all about. And Pat Mahomes can pogue Mahomes.
Robert Kelly. San Francisco 35. Kansas City 24.
This years Super Bowl will be won by the San Francisco 49ers. The score is going to be 35-24. And the reason why is because Dan Soder. It’s his team. He loves that team. And little Dan, his luck is like magical. Everything he touches turns to fucking gold. He’s never had a bump in his career, he went from slinging guacamole to being on Billions, to being on the Bonfire to being a funny ass touring the world, having a smoking hot girlfriend that loves sports, keeping his hairline. I mean why not have his team win the Super Bowl? Shit if the Pats aren’t going to be there, might as well be lucky Dan Soder.
Greg Stone. San Francisco 32. Kansas City 22.
Its going to be the Niners are going to take it 32-22. Gotta go with the Niners cause I’m a Joe Montana guy for life.
Robby Slowick. San Francisco 31. Kansas City 21.
I think its going to be the niners, 31 to 21 and I think its because Garoppolo is the real deal. He sat behind Brady for years and Brady would come off the field and towel off, Garoppolo would grab the towel and wring it out into his mouth. So that’s where the source of all his power comes from- drinking Brady’s sweat.
Rich Vos. San Francisco 34. Kansas City 27.
This is the first time I’m doing this because I didn’t really gamble then, but I dabble now. I think — and we talk about this a lot backstage when we’re on tour with the Kreeps with Kids and we’ll probably talk about it February 7th and 8th at the Ridgefield Playhouse because the Super Bowl will be over. I’ve been on the San Francisco bandwagon all year, yet of course when they played Green Bay I took Green Bay with eight points and I lost but I’m still on the San Francisco bandwagon. I think the score is going to be 34 to 27 and the reason I think its going to be high is because I took the over in the game. So if you are a gambler and you want to win money do the exact opposite of what I say. I have nowhere to watch the Super Bowl cause I have to watch my kid.
Paul Virzi. San Francisco 31. Kansas City 24.
I think the Super Bowl will be won by the San Francisco 49ers 31 to 24 and the reason why is because their quarterback is Italian. No, I just think the defensive front is that good and I love their running game and I think they’re going to be able to stop the Chiefs up front and Mahomes so 31-24 Niners.
Brad Williams. San Francisco 35. Kansas City 28.
The Kansas City Chiefs have a high powered offense, something that we’ve never seen before. And its BBQ vs Chinese food. You gotta go Kansas City. They have every reason to be the winner and that’s why I’m packing the San Francisco 49ers because I’m a diehard Denver Broncos fan and I don’t want those dirty dirty Chiefs to win. The score will be 35-28 San Francisco. Enjoy the game.
Liza Treyger. San Francisco 34. Kansas City 27.
I think the team with the woman coach will win. It’s hard for me to remember which team is which because they’re both red. I think it will be a close game. Let’s say 27 to 34. Is that a possible score? That’s what I’m going to go for.
Casey Balsham. San Francisco 34. Kansas City 27.
I”m excited for the game this year. Both teams have been so crazy offensive this year but I’m a lifelong 9er fan. I think its going to be exciting back and forth. I’m going 34-27 in favor of my boyfriends the Niners and if they do reach that score I will personally lick all of their buttholes.
Tom Papa. San Francisco 27. Kansas City 21.
There’s a lot of experts in Miami and on talk radio and the networks trying to figure out who is going to win the Big Game. It all stops here. I already know who is going to win. I know without a doubt that San Francisco is going to upset Kansas City. And they’re going to win 27 to 21. Do I sound confident? Are you wondering how does Tom possibly know more than anybody else? Yes, I am confident. I do know more than everybody else. I was just in San Francisco, and I was doing some shows and met a guy on the street who didn’t look like he’s lived inside for awhile and he told me that San Francisco was going to win. Was he a homeless person? I don’t know. Was he an oracle? Most likely. San Francisco 27 to 21. Guaranteed.
Dan Soder. San Francisco 34. Kansas City 31.
I’m Dan Soder from the Bonfire flying high because of my Buddy Big Jay’s pick. My pick of course the San Francisco 49ers. Please 9ers pull it off. Please. The score is going to be a billions to zero. No, its going to be 34-31 San Francisco. Go 9ers. Its too tense. This kind of stuff makes me have to poo.
Tommy Johnagin. San Francisco 20. Kansas City 17.
My score is 20-17 49ers because I’m a niners fan and good things happen to me and bad things happen to everyone else. Go niners.
Amy Miller. San Francisco 49. Kansas City 46.
I’m pretty sure its 49ers, because I was born in San Francisco. And since I’m a white lady from the Bay. I feel like the Chiefs are a little racist. Obviously. I’m going to go 49ers, 49 honestly. And Chiefs 46.
Nate Bargatze. San Francisco 35. Kansas City 32.
I think the 49ers will win. 35 to 32. I actually think the Chiefs…its for Dan Soder, I’m picking them for him. So that’s my pick.
Dave Hill – San Francisco by 14
The San Francisco 49ers are going to win the Super Bowl. Mostly because I dont know who they are playing and that gives them the edge in my book. I was in San Francisco when they clinched whatever title it is so they go to the Super Bowl. I think they’re going to win by several runs. I gotta a good feeling about it. We really need to shore up the defense and get our guys hitting out there. I think they’ll win by 14 points.
Bobby Slayton – San Francisco
Of course I’m going to go with the Niners. I remember when one of my favorite Super Bowls of all time was when the Niners kicked the Dolphins ass and Dan Marino and I think that Joe Montana won MVP. That’s when football meant a lot to me. Over the years, the bottom line is I don’t really care about football that much. But the Niners I definitely have to go with. And I know for a fact that the Chiefs are going to win the Super Bowl because for the last eight years, whatever team I make a bet on, doesn’t matter who I bet on, they have lost. I don’t usually do the spread, I just put a couple hundred bucks down to keep the game insteresting. God knows that the halftime show sucks now. Although who doesn’t love Jennifer Lopez and Shakira. I’m watching it now just for the football. But I have to say without a doubt that the Chiefs are going to win. Because, I’ve already put 300 dollars on the Niners who I’ve loved since the days of Joe Montana and Jerry Rice, and never…. And nobody has ever won a game that I put money on. The score? That I don’t know but I do know that unfortunately my boys the Niners are not going to win. Now of course I could have put money on the Chiefs which would have ensured the Niners winning but with my luck, it would have been the first year I’d win a bet. In any event, Happy New Year as Larry David said on Curb.
Dean Del Ray. San Francisco No Score
49ers are going to win. I’m not even going to pick a score. I’m hoping for a tight game but the reason I think they’re going to win is because I’m from San Francisco and I don’t want the other team to win. Also my guy Montana played on both those teams back in the day. But I’m a 49er guy even though I’ve lived in LA 20 years I’ll never not be a San Francisco 49er guy.
Monroe Martin. San Francisco No Score.
I think San Fran is gonna win. I don’t really know the score but I know they gonna turn the lights off like they did last time. It’s goin to be a shut out.
Bert Kreischer. TIE . 47 – 47
My prediction is a Tie. 47-47. It’s going to be an epic cricket-esque game. Everyone can’t believe its going to be a tie because the defense is going to be so good. They’re going to shut down Janeane Garafalo’s brother and Mahoney and you’er going to wake up Monday morning and you’re going to look at the tv and go…they’re still playing? And they’re going to call it Monday afternoon. That’s my prediction. Fuck both those teams.
Adrienne Iapalucci. Patriots 35. Cowboys 12.
I don’t know who is playing and don’t tell me. I think it’s the Patriots because they play every year. I’m going to assume they’re playing the Cowboys. I don’t know if any of this is true. I think score is going to be 35-12 Patriots. I think the Patriots are definitely going to win and I think Aaron Hernandez is going to score the most points and touchdowns.
Chris Gethard. Maybe the 49ers
I don’t know, I don’t even know both of the teams playing in it. I don’t watch football, I haven’t watched an entire football game in probably ten or eleven years. I think that 49ers are one of the teams so they could win. But what I do know, is that NJ’s own Seton Hall Pirates baby, they’re poised to go on a big run in the NCAA tournament this year, I’m saying elite 8 at the minimum so place your bets now everybody. South Orange NJ is going on a run in March.
David Cross. Both teams win and possibly Tennessee – Kc 152 – 49ers 152
I want to hedge my bets here. I believe that Kansas City will win as well as San Francisco. I think they’re both going to win but I also want to say there’s always a possibility of Tennessee sneaking their way in there. They’ve got a good strong team defensively and Derek Henry is unstoppable. I think the final score is going to be within 20 points I would say Kansas City 152, San Francisco, 152 so that’s what I’m going for and if you want to take that bet, I’ll give you 2 to 1 odds, 3 to 1 maybe. DM me.