It’s Halloween time and that means TV specials like “The Great Pumpkin” and the edited version of “Friday the 13th: The One Millionth” will be on. But if you’re looking for scary, and we mean wrath of God type scary, then there’s one place to go. The original book of horror stories, the Bible. Sure, there’s plenty of nice angels, beautiful miracles and “Love Thy Neighbor” in the Bible, but there’s some really ghastly frightening things in there too. Forget Jason Vorhees and pick up a Bible. Here are some Bible stories that are better than horror movies.
If you have any kids in your family that have been caught playing with matches or a lighter, lay this fire story from the Bible on them. Nadab and Abihu are Moses’ nephews. Their father Aaron is the big deal priest in the community and the only person who is suppose to make sacrifices to God. These decide they’re good enough to burn an offering. And we know how God hates it when anyone in the Bible starts feeling too good about themselves. So God sends an all consuming fire from Heaven that engulfs these guys and fries them on the spot. They are left charred where they stood. Any kid will get nervous when you just turn on the oven after hearing this story.
There is no need for the story of Sleepy Hollow this Halloween as long as you have a Bible. King Herod had John the Baptist arrested. While John is in jail, Herod throws a huge party. And the entertainment is Herod’s niece, dancing for the all the guys. And she apparently does a great job because her creepy uncle promises her anything she wants. Of course, she wants John the Baptist’s head. Herod doesn’t want to look the ass, so he has John’s head cut off and served on a huge platter in front of everyone. Those guests must have gone home thinking, that party started so nicely, where did it go wrong!?
The story of Lot in the Bible is pretty freaky to begin with. Sodom and Gomorrah is ready to be destroyed. Lot wants to throw his daughters out of the house to some rapists as a distraction. As he’s getting out of town, his wife gets turned into a pillar of salt. And this isn’t even the craziest part of the story. Once Lot and his daughters escape, they’re hiding out in a cave. The daughters have no other men around, so they take turns getting their dad drunk and having sex with him. And it’s all okay because it’s continuing his lineage. You could show your kids “The Exorcist” over and over again and it wouldn’t freak them as much as Lot’s crazy family.
Not all the Psalms are like the very sweet, “The Lord is my Shepherd…”. Some are just brutal. Here’s a scary lullaby for the kids. This Psalm is talking about how the Children of God have been taken from their home and conquered by Babylon. It’s really some nice daydreaming about what the Israelites are going to do to get their revenge. And it includes getting a hold of their newborn infant babies and smashing their still soft little skulls against the rocks until an entire generation is wiped out. The Children of God will not only destroy you in the present, they’ll kill your future while they’re at it.
Just like in the movies, no bad guy in the Bible every has a nice death. King Herod shows up again and is doing some public speaking. After he’s challenged, he still refuses to acknowledge the one true God. Big mistake. Get ready for this kids. King Herod is immediately struck down by God. He’s not dead yet, but he wishes he was because he has the slow painful process of being eaten alive by worms from the inside out. The smell had to be awful.
This is a Bible story that starts out like any bad horror film. A couple decides to spend the night in a strange place. A Levite was traveling home with his concubine and they stay the night in the town of Gibeah. This place is dangerous. It makes Detroit look like Epcot. They find a place to stay with an old man. Some horrible people show up looking for a good time and sex. The old man and the Levite throw the girl out to them who they spend the night, raping her to death. The next morning, the Levite finds her dead outside the door. He wants revenge. So he gets it by chopping up her body. He cuts it up into 12 pieces and sends those off to the 12 tribes of Israel so they attack Gibeah. If you’re looking for a Halloween horror story, this has it all. Rape, murder and dismemberment.