The 5: Jill-Michele Melean’s Five Places to Visit in Miami to Make You Feel Like a Native
Jill-Michele Melean filmed her one-hour standup special with Comedy Dynamics. From impressions, to family to dating, her new special is filled with 15 years of hilarious stories. Meleán is a White Latina born and raised in Miami, FL to an Irish Mother and South American Father. She was the first and only Latina Cast member FOX’s MADtv, recurred on Comedy Central’s RENO 911! and she’s a national touring stand up comedienne. Her roots are dramatic acting but she quickly learned her gift of comedy timing. “I love being cafe con leche, a mix of white girl and Latina. When I moved from Miami to Los Angeles I wasn’t expecting such a major culture shock. But it was and I’ve embraced this melting pot. I enjoy taking audiences with me on a journey into my mind, telling stories based on true life experiences. I paint the colorful picture of my cartoon perception and hopefully they can escape from their reality while I’m performing. Laughter is truly the fountain of youth serum. No botox needed.” said Jill-Michele Melean. “
Comedy Dynamics released Jill-Michele Meleán: White Latina on the Comedy Dynamics Network on March 26th via iTunes, Amazon Prime Video, Google Play, Specturm, Cox, Dish and more. The album is also now available via iTunes, Spotify, Google Play, Pandora, Sirius XM and more.
When I tell people I’m from Miami, most say how much they love Florida. Immediately, I have to stop, drop, and educate. You see, Miami’s different. It’s a citystate of sorts. It’s separate from the rest of Florida. It’s a little Cuba with a splash of anything and everything. But, everyone seems to have what outsiders call a Miami accent, which is really a Latin accent buried somewhere between our vowels and consonants. Even the whitest of the white people sound like Scarface. Here’s a few places in Miami that only a true Miamian could tell you about.
#1 CALLE OCHO Want to visit a third world country without a passport? No problem. Visit Hialeah in Miami. When you arrive, grab a Cuban sandwich, croquetas and cafesito (Cuban coffee) from any of the Latin markets then try to talk English to the locals. They’ll smile and nod but will only respond in Spanish because you’re in their world now. Get ready to shake those hips while walking through the streets. The “clave” music will be blasting through old boom boxes in front of every storefront. If your ears are sensitive, make sure you pack earplugs. The Cuban culture
doesn’t understand volume control.
#2 OCEAN DRIVE Here’s a free steam room. People like to make the comment that Miamians are sexy. It’s because everyone is practically naked from the unbearable heat. Yes they are hot. Like sticky, muggy hot. So swimsuits are an everyday outfit. As you look out to the ocean on ocean drive, you’ll begin to feel the sweat drip instantly. Within six minutes under that sun, you’ll feel like you were doing cardio for an hour. You won’t get relief from a breeze. It’s not a cool feeling but more like a burp of hot breath from Mother Nature. Take a few selfies to brag you were at South Beach then run back to a restaurant with air conditioning.
#3 DOLPHIN MALL This mall is a landmark. People watching at it’s best! Not only will you get great sales but you’ll see some real natives. Fans of J.Lo might think they’re spotting her left and right but nope. It’s just a different Jenny from a different block. Everyone there looks like her. Sure she’s from the Bronx but she has a cookie cutter Cuban body.
#4 HAULOVER PARK SANDBAR If you like bikini’s, beer and food trucks then this is your jam. Miami is known for it’s butt implants and there’s enough there for a butt circus. Pull up on a boat, anchor, jump in the ocean, wander around on your floaties and grab a burger from a food boat. Pack your sunscreen and Pitbull music because that’s mandatory.
#5 CHUCK E CHEESE (HIALEAH) This is where it all started. My first job ever! I would sing and dance next to Chuck E Cheese in the party room and knee the screaming kids as I walked between the tables. If you have a teenager take them there. It’s the best birth control. I have a permanent chastity belt from this job.
There you have it! No blue hair jokes allowed when you talk about Miami because you got the
real scoop why it’s not part of Florida. Bienvenidos!
