The Mayor of Miami beach has told kids “don’t come here” after a week of headlines showing the city overrun with spring breakers. Now there’s an 8pm curfew, bridges are closing at 10pm and he declared a state of emergency.

Miami No-Vice.

Read more at Mediaite.

.A digital dog is now helping evaluate and provide medical attention to patients in isolation. Dr. Spot, who looks like a headless robot dog with an ipad for a face can perform minor procedures, assess vitals, take swabs or even place an iv catheter.

This is all great, until it kills you.

Read more at nypost.

First Assistant District Attorney Gregg Shore was looking to make some extra cash, so he started doing gig work delivering for Door Dash. It was going so well he started doing it during work hours and got caught by someone who recognized him. He’s been demoted, took a 22k pay cut, and has to give up his vacation time.

Demoted, to deputy, and cashed in vacation time to make up for it. His salary will drop by 22k as well.

Wait, was this, “I-dont-make-enough-bucks county” pa?

Guess he thought DA stood for Delivery Assistant.

Read more at foodandwine.

Sean Lannon was accused of murder in NJ, and figured what the hell why not confess to 15 more murders in another state that nobody has accused you of.

If you’re going to be a rat, rat on somebody besides yourself.

Read more at CNN.

Trump is hoping that his friend, former footballer Herschel Walker will run for Senate in Georgia next year.

Trump wrote in an email statement: “Wouldn’t it be fantastic if the legendary Herschel Walker ran for the United States Senate in Georgia? He would be unstoppable, just like he was when he played for the Georgia Bulldogs, and in the NFL. He is also a GREAT person. Run Herschel, run!”

Yes, Forrest, Run.

Trump better hope his political aspirations run a little higher than his NFL performance.

Read more at The Bulwark.

Shut down the league, Lebron is out until further notice. A brutal sprain that caused the NBA star to scream.

Looks like somebody’s afraid of the Nets.

Read more at etonline.

Bron appears to turn his ankle, stays in the game and hits a three, then heads to the locker room pic.twitter.com/OdTrDW77o1

— Bleacher Report (@BleacherReport) March 20, 2021

Jesus Carmago was arrested after a shitload of meth was found in his gear bag.

Seems like a real go-getter. He’s ready to play 162 games. This week.

Read more at barstoolsports.

Chicago Cubs prospect, Jesus Camargo was arrested after police found 21 pounds of meth in his team equipment bag. pic.twitter.com/mdXU5szVZM

— Baseball Authority (@BsblAuthority) March 20, 2021

22 women have accused NFL QB Deshaun Watson of sexual assault. He says that it was all professional- he only sought private masseuers out when his regular therapist became unavailable.

That’s all great. So why did you have to sexually assault them?

Read more at TMZ.

Overseas spectators will be banned from the Tokyo Olympics giving team Japan the biggest home field advantage in Olympics history.

The speed walkers will never notice the difference.

Read more at NPR.

The NCAA got embarrassed when one of the athletes showed off the differences between the mens and womens weight rooms for the tourney. One was a fully stocked super-gym, while the other was a set of dumbells. The upgrade is complete, and now you can see the new improved facility.

Great! Now it almost looks like a local YMCA.

.@sportsiren walks us through the upgraded weight room and practice setup San Antonio. #ncaaW pic.twitter.com/UOmsyHVpGM

— College GameDay (@CollegeGameDay) March 20, 2021

Let me put it on Twitter too cause this needs the attention pic.twitter.com/t0DWKL2YHR

— Sedona Prince (@sedonaprince_) March 19, 2021

Did they also predict that nobody would give a shit about Archie comics in 2021?

Read more at designtaxi.

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everything

everything

everything

everything

everything

EVERYTHING

When we were kids, Earthquake was the headliner.

A 5.0 earthquake in Japan just interrupted the #wrestling matches. #njcup #njpw @njpwglobal @njpwworld pic.twitter.com/dp48ulJi1r

— del james (@deljamesgang) March 20, 2021

everything