Sunday January 31: Daily Links

Published by Interrobang Staff at January 31, 2021

SUNDAY 1.31

NEWS STORIES

China Says the Butt is Better

Chinese say they have a better way to test for Covid, but you’ll have to bend over. Anal swabs! Instead of sticking a q-tip far up your nose, how about one two inches up your rectum?

Finally you can be proud to say you’ve got a stick up your ass. This is going to be great when they start doing it a drive thrus.

TMZ: UFO sighting in LA

TMZ is boasting about having the best clear shots of what may be a spaceship spotted in Thousand Oaks. Straight out of Close Encounters, they say.

Congrats TMZ you just got a great shot of cigar smoke.

Anti Vaxxers Shut Down Covid Vaccination Site at Dodger Stadium

50 Scamdemic Protesters blocked access to an LA vaccination site, shutting it down for over an hour. They wanted to “educate” the sheeple.

Hey dont you guys have a something better to do? Like bum rush the capital?

Where Are the Grape Nuts!?!?!?!?

The pandemic strikes again, this time leaving America with massive shortages of Grape Nuts cereal. Some people have paid as much as $50 to score a box.

Here’s a life hack for ya. Put some gravel in milk. Done.

CDC Making a National Mask Mandate for All Public Transportation

Beginning on February 1, all passengers on any public conveyance traveling in the US will be required to wear face coverings. That includes, planes, trains, ships, ferries, subways, buses, taxis and ride shares anywhere in the US. The rule also applies to terminals and stations.

A rule to rule them all. What a model idea. Sure was fun leaving our health and safety up to city transportation but this works too.

Suck My Nuts Banner Flies Over Robin Hood Headquarters

A plane carrying the banner, ‘Suck My Nuts Robinhood’ flew over the company’s San Francisco’s headquarters over the weekend. The ‘Deez Nuts’ banner was being used for a flyover over L.A.

SPORTS

Trent Dilfer Still Mad Ravens Released Him After Super Bowl Win

20 years after winning a Super Bowl with the Ravens, Trent Dilfer is still upset that the Ravens made him the first QB to get released after winning a championship. Trent, if the defense had its way, you would’ve never got a Super Bowl ring.

Matt Stafford To The Rams - He Would Have Went Anywhere Except New England

Matt Stafford is now on the Rams but it turns out he didn’t care where he went as long as it wasn’t New England. Most likely it was because they don’t have an offense and the ex-Lions coach, Matt Patricia is coming back to the team. He has nothing to worry about now since he’ll probably never stop winning Super Bowls until he’s 55 with Sean McVay.

Jay Gruden Gives Insight On How Dan Snyder Affected The Draft

Didn’t matter what research the coaching staff put into drafting for the Washington Football Team cuz Snyder just made the decision anyway. Spoiler alert: Dan Snyder’s a dick.

Jay Gruden: "When it came our time to pick, we’d always talk about the picks, where we’d like to go, what happens if [the player] is gone, and did all our scenarios. And then [owner Daniel Snyder] would come in off his yacht and make the pick.” https://t.co/lODMzDAmPb

— Nicki Jhabvala (@NickiJhabvala) January 30, 2021

CELEBS & ENTERTAINMENT

Kevin Nealon Burglarized!

A thief or thieves made off with over 100k of jewelry and handbags after robbing the home of former SNL star Kevin Nealon.

The real shock here is finding out Kevin Nealon owns 100k worth of anything.

Sex and the City will take on Covid Era Topics and Problems

Sarah Jessica Parker told Vanity Fair that COVID-19 will “obviously be part of the storyline, because that’s the city [these characters] live in. And how has that changed relationships once friends disappear? I have great faith that the writers are going to examine it all.”

No Samantha and global pandemic? Sounds like a real hoot.

Pudgy Pope Must Go On A Diet

Doctors have advised Pope Francis that if he wants avoid surgery to ease his sciatica, he must stop ease off the pasta, cake and lose at least 4 lbs. Now he encouraging the fellow Cardinals to join him on The Pope Power Walk.

Matthew Perry’s Flirty Faxes Helped Him Hook Up With Julia Roberts

Matthew Perry wanted Julia Roberts to appear on the 1996 Super Bowl edition of Friends so badly that he wrote a paper on quantum physics paper at her request. The two actors flirted with each other via fax and eventually dated. They broke up when she found out that Neil deGrasse Tyson ghost wrote the physics paper.

Tom Cruise Still Being Impossible On The Set

Sources say that morale is really low on the Mission Impossible set because of Tom Cruise’s obsession with maintaining COVID protocols. Crew members want to quit, but can’t leave the UAE because of travel bans. The behind the scenes documentary is going better than the movie.

VIRAL VIRAL

Australia has a Body and Board Surfing Duck

His name is Duck.

Hey who could have guessed that a duck would take to water.

STUDIES, SURVEYS, RANKINGS

Pilots Rusty after the Pandemic

The LA Times reports that lack of frequent flight experience has caused pilots to make mistakes now that they’re flying again. One pilot forgot to disengage the parking break while departing the gate, another had trouble landing on a windy day, while another pilot forgot to turn on the anti-icing system.Pilots and airlines blame being out of practice. “The key to flying safely is frequency,” said Richard G. McSpadden Jr., senior vice president at the Aircraft Owners and Pilots Assn.’s Air Safety Institute.

Maybe they could get some extra practice if we fill those planes with vaccines and start getting them out around the country.

Done. Next problem?