God damn Covid ! Guitar Center better not fade away! Where else am I going to go to rock out on Smoke on the Water?!

Read more at reuters.com.

“Turn out the lights
The party’s over
They say that all
Good things must end
Call it a night
The party’s over
And tomorrow starts
The same old thing again.”

Read more at cnn.com.

A New Hampshire distillery is now adding a venison-flavored whiskey to its weird list of offerings, and you can buy it at artintheage.com.

Sounds like something to knock back in the ol’ man cave, am I right fellas? …

Fellas?? Why are you all projectile vomiting?!?

Read more at pennlive.com.

If you work for Tesla and live in Cali, you don’t have to follow the stay at home order, because the state deems you to be an essential worker.

One thing is for certain, billionaires will find a way.
Read more at gizmodo.

While Ted Cruz worries about the war on Turkey Dinners, his State has Mobile Morgues that are filled with Covid Death.

You wanna try and ruin Ted Cruz’s Thanksgiving just to save lives during a deadly pandemic?? This tough guys has something to say (but don’t worry, probably nothing to do) about it.

Read more at buzzfeed.

pic.twitter.com/HSCSdXkst9

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) November 22, 2020

Yesterday, the Texas Division of Emergency Management announced that a team from the National Guard had been mobilized to "provide mortuary affairs support" because there are more dead bodies than the state government can handle.

And you play tough guy about a turkey. https://t.co/m4ppaW4ra7

— Max Kennerly (@MaxKennerly) November 22, 2020

A third viable covid vaccine has been announced by AstaZeneca. It’s up to 90% effective and is cheaper than Pfizer’s and Moderna’s. Looking forward to picking up this vaccine at the Dollar General.

Read more at apnews.

The Governor of New Jersey was spotted eating dinner outside at a restaurant, was recognized and then heckled. He needs to stick to ordering from Door Dash, it’s just better optics.

WATCH: New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy is confronted while having dinner with his maskless family. pic.twitter.com/UvQl1t2Uvb

— GrantB911 (@GrantB911) November 23, 2020

Oxford usually adds one new word a year to their dictionary but 2020’s been such a mess they’ve decided to add 47 of them.

Some of the words on the list include bushfires, COVID-19, WFH, lockdown, circuit-breaker, support bubbles, Black Lives Matter, keyworkers, furlough, remotely, unmute, moonshot, anti masker, BC (before covid), BLM, Blursday, cancel culture, coronavirus, covid-19, covidiot, defund, doomscroling, flatten the curve, furlough, hygiene theater, infodemic, juneteenth, lockdown, mail-in, netzero, plandemic, ppe, Rona, Sanny, social distancing, self-isolate, superspreader, systemic racism, take a knee, twindemic, wet market, virtue signaling, wokeness, veronica bucket, workation, zoom bombing.

Unfortunately, Cooooom, isn’t one of them.

Read more at countryliving.com.

You won’t see Patricia Richardson’s hair dye streaming down her face during a big interview. She’s a natural woman.

In other news Tim Allen is a Proud Boy.

Read more at yahoo.com.

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A post shared by Patricia Richardson (@prichardsonla)

Danny Elfman and Bridget Fonda are selling their classic 1920’s Beverly Hills mansion. Beverly Hills dude. You should buy it.

Swimming pools. Movie stars.

Via digg.

You ever wonder what it would be like to see the The Joker’s hospital scene accompanied by Kenny G?

THE WEEKND x KENNY G SHUT DOWN LOS ANGELES #AMAs pic.twitter.com/OiDNRLNK6v

— Complex Music (@ComplexMusic) November 23, 2020

John Cleese has been accused of being transphobic after he made a number of tweets supporting author J.K. Rowling. There’s an online campaign to strip him of his Minister of The Silly Walks title.

Read more at nypost.

Harvey Weinstein is being filmed around the clock by prison officials to avoid the mysterious circumstances surrounding Jeffrey Epstein’s death. Weinstein’s lawyers are trying to secure final cut.

Read more at tmz.

John Lydon aka Johnny Rotten revealed that he got bit by a fly on his penis while feeding squirrels around his home in L.A. Is feeding animals while going commando a new kink?

Read more at yahoo.com.

Sex Pistols star Johnny Rotten bitten by a flea on his penis after rescuing squirrels https://t.co/UVRWVGeUHt pic.twitter.com/2wGuY4mLDW

— 1 NEWS (@1NewsNZ) November 23, 2020

New York is dead and never coming back? Well the future is more really big building with people crammed together!

Future so bright I gotta wear shades!

Read more at nypost.

Hey Minnesota be easy on yourself. It’s not your fault. It’s fucking South Dakota! The CDC says
“The motorcycle rally was held in a neighboring state that did not have policies regarding event size and mask use, underscoring the implications of policies within and across jurisdictions.”

At least they got to see Smash Mouth!

Read more at mediaite.

If your kids are worried about Santa Claus being a super spreader, you can tell them Dr. Fauci says Santa is immune.

I don’t care what Fauci says, that fat man better be wearing a mask when he squeezes down that chimney.

Read more at fox8.com.

Looks like we just found the secret of the ooze, eh???

Read more at nypost.

Nothing to see here – just a sinkhole on Hastings Ave. in Leslieville #Toronto pic.twitter.com/GvOtKzqDal

— blogTO (@blogTO) November 20, 2020

Take a look at these faces – they’re not actually real people, they’ve been created by AI businesses that make fake humans. Between this and robot dogs, the human race is in deep trouble.

Recognize any of these people? From Facebook? Twitter?

These images are not real — they’re from the mind of a computer, and they’re infiltrating the internet.

We set up our own AI system to understand how this technology works. https://t.co/rNQXV2jh73

— The New York Times (@nytimes) November 21, 2020

Violence is up on public transportation in NYC and PBA Prez Pat Lynch is saying that NYers are going to have to tough it out. “While our elected leaders are closing their eyes and wishing the problem away, we recommend that all New Yorkers keep both eyes wide open while in our transit system,” he said as part of a statement.

Well the ask was to acknowledge that Black Lives Matter.
The answer OK NOW NO LIVES MATTER!

Gotcha. Can we borrow some weapons?

Read more at nypost.

17 year old Kyle Rittenhouse killed two protestors with a gun he bought using his stim check. “I got my $1,200 from the coronavirus Illinois unemployment ’cause I was on furlough from YMCA and I got my first unemployment check so I was like, ‘Oh, I’ll use this to buy it,’” he said.

What did you do with your coronavirus stimulus check? Did you buy a an illegal gun, cross state lines and kill someone?

Then you are a hero to some people.

Read more at yahoo.com.

People are going bananas for the first In-n-Out fast food restaurant to open in Colorado.

Shouldn’t be as hard to get a burger as it is vote.

Just a small section of the line here at the grand opening of In-N-Out in Colorado Springs this morning. The first drive thru customer started waiting in line on Tuesday. @csgazette pic.twitter.com/TnuMXdaPxJ

— khklann (@khklann) November 20, 2020

Scientist are splicing human genes in to monkey brains making them more intelligent.

So the idea is if a global pandemic doesn’t wipe us, let’s just try Planet of the Apes.

To quote the zoomers… y tho?

Read more at nypost.

Finally people are picking up on something that’s worse than Rudy’s dripping hair dye. Behold his disgusting snot rag etiquette.

Okay now that THAT’s how ya get covid

oh my god I missed this pic.twitter.com/OGFzvC80Fy

— Tim Hogan (@timjhogan) November 19, 2020

Sources close to Sean Payton are saying he’s starting Taysom Hill today because he “just wants to know” if Hil has what it takes to be the Saints next franchise QB. This must really be hurting Crab Legs feelings right now.

Of all the reasons to start Taysom Hill over Jameis Winston, one stands out: #Saints coach Sean Payton “just wants to know,” those close to him say. Is Hill the next franchise QB? The evaluation starts today.

A look at what’s next: https://t.co/rMsx7qEooc

— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) November 22, 2020

2019 winner Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson congratulated Michael B. Jordan on being named People Magazine’s Sexist Man Alive for 2020, but jokingly added in a tweet, ‘I concede nothing’. The Rock is hoping that a Florida recount puts him over.

Read more at deadline.

Canada has some heavy COVID precautions so the Raptors are going to Tampa where masks are only worn by people
cooking meth.

USA! USA! USA!

Read more at espn.

Snooker star Ronnie ‘The Rocket’ O’Sullivan farted during his match at the Northern Island Open – then tried to pin the blame on the ref. O’Sullivan would later cop to it, claiming he had batting stomach problems. For his next game, O’Sullivan will ask the ref to pull his finger.

Read more at tmz.

Really Mark? You didn’t even keep the album? Then what was this all for?

You shit eating eating fuck stick.

Read more at yahoo.com.

Michael B. Jordan is the sexiest man alive according to People Magazine and now he is Joining Only Fans.

This better not just be cheesecake shots of your abs. We need something to get us through 2020, Michael B!

Read more at buzzfeed.com.

Euphoria star Loukas Gage shared the moment a director insulted his apartment on Zoom, thinking he was on mute.

Well that was cringey, but at least he wasn’t masturbating!

psa if youre a shit talking director make sure to mute ur shit on zoom mtgings pic.twitter.com/PTgMZcRhEw

— lukas gage (@lukasgage) November 20, 2020

Sonny Starkey, grandson of Ringo Starr and Liam Gallagher’s son Gene and model Noel Ponte all plead not guilty to charges stemming a fight at a London convenience store last year. The trio allegedly fought with a security guard after trying to buy beer after the store’s curfew. Sorry kids, the get out of jail free card only applies to actual rock stars.

Read more at pagesix.

Some influencers are not happy with how Real Housewives of Salt Lake City are representing their community.

Understood, but how did you guys feel about The Book of Mormon??

Read more at buzzfeednews.

Meryl Streep raps on ‘Wear Your Crown’, the first single from the cast album to the Ryan Murphy Netflix musical, The Prom. The multiple Oscar-winning actress is hoping to trade bars with Cardi B on the remix to ‘WAP’.

Read more at ew.com.

Speaking at a Fresh Air Fund gala, Sean Combs recalled spending time with an Amish family. Diddy called that time ‘crazy’ because the home had no electricity, but the experience taught him how to survive. Combs will detail his experiences in his new song, ‘No Power, No Problems’.

Read more at pagesix.com.

Just another day in Florida. Taking the puppy for a walk when gator snatches and takes it for a death roll.

“Fuck that noise” Yells Florida man. And never drops his cigar.

Read more at cnn.

My man saved his puppy from an alligator and kept smoking his cigar! pic.twitter.com/57s5x3U13Q

— Clay Travis (@ClayTravis) November 22, 2020

If you want to see Santa this year, you’re gonna have to do so with him behind plexiglass. So this year it’s like Santa is in prison and you’re coming by to put some cash in his commissary.

🎅🏼 Santa Claus is coming to town — but you can't sit on his lap this year.

Malls are using plexiglas screens and temperature checks to safely have Santa in their stores this year pic.twitter.com/Mi0cAlU40o

— Bloomberg Quicktake (@Quicktake) November 16, 2020

Mel Magazine is saying the episode of Degrassi where a school shooter shoots drake in the back and then gets killed himself is the most important Very Special Episode of a TV show ever. They must not have seen the Saved By The Bell where Jessie gets addicted to caffeine pills. Horrifying.

Read more at melmagazine.com.

The one true thing is that when a movie scrolls the term “based on a true story” it should read “loosely based on a true story.”

But E.T. happened right.

Read more at time.