Taliban troops are at the front door of Afghanistan’s capital, Kabul, and are negotiating the surrender of their forces as America gets out as many people as possible. Can we get Max Fischer to write a high school play about this?

Read more at the AP.

A bored British guy ended up in Afghanistan while the Taliban is running roughshod all over the country and went to Twitter, 4Chan, and Twitch to document himself trying to get out. This makes the Amazing Race look pretty pussy.

Read the full thread on Twitter.

there's currently a british guy called Lord Miles in Kabul having a wonderful time. pic.twitter.com/nW4R9d6VVB

— Rimmy (@Rimmy_Downunder) August 15, 2021

Conspiracy heads are counting the money already, because they’re convinced that their “pure” unvaccinated sperm is going to be worth big bucks in the future. One person on reddit is planning to retire and become a ‘cum cow’ with golden balls.

Just because you act like a jackoff doesn’t mean anyone wants your jack offerings.

Read more at vice.com.

The museum says it can’t afford to complete plans for special exhibitions for the 20 year anniversary, and they’re restricting the annual names ceremony to victims families only.

Maybe you shouldn’t have uninvited Biden if you need some cash.

Read more at nypost.

It starts as just a fight but ends full on beatdown at Rams preseason game. This was the first time fans have been allowed into the new stadium.

Guys relax its a pre-season football game, not January 6.

Huge fight at the Rams-Chargers game at SoFi Stadium… pic.twitter.com/aOrndTxdKF

— BLACK ADAM SCHEFTER (@B1ackSchefter) August 15, 2021

God, why has thou forsaken me?

Read more at Fox News.

Tebow absoluteley lowering the hammer. Think he might of killed two guys on these blocks https://t.co/i6J9TCyNaE

— PFTCommenter (@PFTCommenter) August 15, 2021

OH NOOOOOO Tebow pic.twitter.com/3z30sd4lNF

— Gump Cathcart (@bubbagumpino) August 15, 2021

The 21-year-old knocked out his opponent in 70 seconds during a fight in Oklahoma this weekend.

Don’t get excited– his opponent was Derek Frasier from Big Brother, Joe Frasier’s son.

Read more at BBC

Rodgers is seeking Clay Matthews, he’s hoping for a reunion tour.

Yeah, you can get the band back together, but the band is Korn.

Looks like Aaron Rodgers wants to get the band back together 👀 pic.twitter.com/pNdQWdywai

— PFF (@PFF) August 14, 2021

The former Chicago QB lost a gig as a spokesstar for Uber Eats because his anti-vax views are incompatible with the company’s work trying to encourage vaccinations and mask mandates. Cutler was unbothered as he says he likes to cook at home anyway, and seems to be planning to run for the school board.

Forget his political views, how did he get a commercial with his NFL record?

Read more at USA Today

White Lotus is on HBO which means sex and nudity and pushing boundaries. But people are upset that a salad tossing scene doesn’t seem to follow logic. America is mad because they say nobody eats ass standing up.

This seems like progress.

Read more at yahoo.

A cafe is upsetting parents with a sign that advertises a bacon sandwich

with a sign that shows a drawing of peppa pig + a slice of bread equals happiness. Parents are worried it will turn their kids off eating.

Great, your fat kids shouldn’t be eating bacon anyway.

Read more at NY Post.

Travis Barker survived a terrible plane crash in 2008 and hasn’t flown since– until now. This weekend he and his hunny bunny Kourney Kardashian took a flight to Cabo.

The trip was safe but his entire life is now a Kardashian car crash.

Read more at Page Six.

Don’t know who she’s marrying, but whoever it is- she’s trading up.

Read more at Radar Online

Winger says she quit the film when they cast Madonna, despite already spending 3 months training with the Chicago Cubs. She said the thought the casting was a sign that the movie wasn’t going to be taken seriously. The role went to Geena Davis.

Way to skip what would have been the last hit of your career.

Read more at The Wrap

He believes he is persona non gratis in LA because of the drama between him and ex-Amber Heard.

Ya think?

Read more at Variety

Britneys not the only one in a battle over who will control her life . Nichelle Nichols who played Lt Uhuru in the Star Trek series has dementia. She is stuck in a legal battle between her son and her manager who each say the other is taking advantage of the star.

Beam me up, Scottie.

Read more at The Daily Beast.

Korn pulled the plug on their concert Saturday night just hours before the show saying someone “within the Korn camp” tested positive for COVID.

And just like that. Earls night was ruined…

Read more at Billboard

“With a slightly heavy heart I am no longer a member of the Cure ! Good luck to them all,” he wrote in the brief statement.

You didn’t quit dude, you retired.

Read more at People.

Unions are discussing some kind of visible proof of vaccination- like a badge or a landyard, to clearly and visibly identify vaccinated staff.

They better not be shaped like the Star of David.

Read more at Deadline.

The Curb creator said he was starting to get nervous that he’d be asked to perform on short notice, and he said he had nothing.

Larry, relax. Nobody is looking for Bernie Sanders impression anymore.

Read more at yahoo.

EVERYTHING

What if I want that medium rare?

@danny.kim

Hey @gordonramsayofficial , how did my chef friend do?🤔 #BeefWellington #FastFoodGourmet #TikTokFood

♬ original sound – Danny Kim

A new study says moms with young kids are drinking 323% more after pandemic started

“Our study shows that people didn’t just increase their alcohol consumption for a month or two at the beginning of the pandemic — the trend held for nearly the entire year,” said Carolina Barbosa, a health economist at RTI, in a statement.

We gotta get these kids back in school. Stat.

Read more at NY Post.