Friday March 31 Daily Links
FRIDAY 3.31
NEWS STORIES
Gwynning! Paltrow Wins Ski Lawsuit
A jury has found that Gwyneth Paltrow was not at fault in the most publicized ski accident of modern times. They decided he was at fault. so he gets nothing and she wins the $1 she sought in her countersuit.
Gwynnocent!!!! Our long national nightmare is over.
Surprise! Grand Jury Indicted Trump Yesterday
The NY grand jury that has been hearing evidence about Donald Trump shocked everyone yesterday. After saying they were taking a month break, and would not decide anything until they returned, they handed down a 34 count indictment. Trump is expected to come to NY to be arraigned on Tuesday. The details of the indictment will remain sealed until then.
Our new national nightmare has just begun.
WSJ Tells Us About Evan Gershkovich
Gershkovich is a Wall Street Journal reporter who was detained in Russia and accused of espionage. Russian officials alleged “on the instructions of the United States, he was collecting information about one of the enterprises of the Russian military-industrial complex, which constitute a state secret.”
At some point, did it dawn on you that it might be a bad time to be in Russia?
Florida Principal Who Got Scammed Resigns
Jan McGee got scammed and sent $100,000 of school funds to a fake Elon Musk, and now she has stepped down from her position as school principal.
Her next plan was to help get an African prince out of the country and make a few bucks herself.
Biggest Black Hole Ever Found and You'll Never Guess How Many Suns Big It Is
The answer is, the ultramassive black hole measures the distance of 300 billion sons.
Black hole suns. Billions suns. Wash away the raaaaain, black hole suns. Won’t you come. Won’t you come.
The T-Rex May Have Had Lips, Scientists Now Say
Current science thought is, that the tyrannosaurus rex may have had lips that covered its teeth like a lizard and it looks a lot less scary. A drawing of this lippy predator appears in science news.
Forget the lips. That tongue is really terrifying.
Neil DeGrasse Tyson Says Don't Fear AI
After every major tech giant signed a letter asking the world to stop moving forward so quickly on major Artificial Intelligence projects, everyone’s favorite fun scientist says no, AI is not a threat, and we shouldn’t be afraid.
How do we know this is really Neal saying this?
SPORTS
MLB Has First Clock Violator
The new pitching clock rule went into effect officially on opening day Thursday and our first violator is the Chicago Cubs Marcus Stroman.
Congratulations Marcus. You are a footnote in baseball history.
UConn Coach Will Not Change His Clothes Till Final Four is Over
As per ushe, Danny Hurley will be wearing the same clothes and the same pair of dino underwear as long as his team keeps winning.
The teams good but the coach really stinks. #washyourclothes
Travis Kelce Doesn't Know Who the Fuck Some of These Coaches Are
On a podcast this week, Kelce failed spectacularly in his attempt to name all the coaches in the NFL annual head coach photo and his brother Jason enjoyed roasting him for it along the way. Some he could name by their team affiliation, others not at all. “Chargers, Giants, San Fran… Who the f*ck is that guy?” and “There’s no way, man. There’s no way that guy coaches in the NFL.”
“You don’t know any of the two Eagles coaches that got head coaching jobs,” Jason said, laughing. “Oh my god, this is so good.”
Can we get a CTE check?
Isiah Thomas Demands Apology from MJ
Isiah Thomas wants a public apology from Michael Jordan after the former Chicago Bull called him an “asshole” in his ESPN documentary The Last Dance.
But Isiah, you ARE an asshole. And you look like Latoya
NHL Reconsidering Pride Nights
The National Hockey Leagues “Hockey is For Everyone” initiative has been active for years, and teams have typically warn pride uniforms during their warmups to show support. But now NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman said the league will “evaluate” Pride Nights in the offseason due to opposition from players this season.
What could be gayer than hockey.
CELEBS & ENTERTAINMENT
Lorne Michaels Producing Lou Gehrig TV Series for Apple TV
Michaels and his son will helm the project adapting Jonathan Eig’s book, Luckiest Man: The Life and Death of Lou Gehrig.
Spoiler alert. The last episode is going to be a real tearjerker.
Entire Original Cast Will Voice Scott Pilgrim Anime Series
Michael Cera, Elizabeth Winstead, Satya Bhabha, Kieran Culkin, Chris Evans, Anna Kendrick, Brie Larson, Alison Pill, Aubrey Plaza, Brandon Routh, Jason Schwartzman, Johnny Simmons, Mark Webber, Mae Whitman and Ellen Wong are all on board to reprise their roles for Netflix’s upcoming Scott Pilgrim anime series.
The worst thing that could happen is they find out it was better than the movie.
Bam Margera Arrested
The Jackass star was apparently drunk and belligerent when he showed up at a Thai restaurant in the middle of the afternoon, where his wife and son were eating.
Wow, that doesn’t sound like BAM.
Billie Eilish Went Acoustic in Mexican Downpour
The show was cancelled, but that didn’t stop her from performing. “I thought it was stupid for me to leave without coming out saying thank you for being here, and standing in the f***ing pouring rain.” Then she added she was still going to sing a few songs acoustically if the fans were down.
See, nobody really gets canceled anymore.
Tarantino Has Finished Writing His Last Film Script
“I have finished the script of what will end up being my last movie,” the 60-year-old said while being questioned by Thierry Fremaux, director of the Cannes Film Festival, at the launch of his new book in Paris. “I imagine we’ll probably shoot it I guess in the fall.”
Well we’re all excited because we’ve always wanted to know what he has to say about a movie critic.
Jonah Hill is Gonna Have a Baby
He and his girlfriend Olivia Millar are expecting their first child. They’ve been dating since late summer 2022.
Kanye is waiting for his call about being the baby’s godfather.
TRENDING & VIRAL
Fuck Yo Blue Check, Twitter
Everyone hates Elon Musks plan for a paid blue checkmark and media outlets are lining up to say no thank you including the New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, and Buzzfeed.
Nobody wants your money-wasting blue ribbon of shame. Everyone should just go to Truth social.
Catturd Pissed at Twitter Too
Right wing influencer Catturd has always had Musks back but no more. The account is pretty pissed at Musks plan to charge $11 a month to get something its always enjoyed for free until now. “So basically, advertisers get to advertise directly to my 1.6 million followers without paying me a dime. Not only that, I have to pay Twitter $11 per month who gets 100% of the advertising dollars.”
It’s really great to see catturd and the NY Times on the same side.
STUDIES, SURVEYS, RANKINGS
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