Five Headliners Give You The Best Advice For Valentines Day: Gary Gulman, Jen Kirkman, Lachlan Patterson, Justin Willman and Steve Byrne

Valentine’s Day is coming fast.  Chances are, whether you love or hate Valentine’s Day, you are stressing about it.  Doing the right thing, making the right plans.  Forget the gas station roses, forget the overpacked restaurants with bad specials.  This year, whether you’re on a date, in a group or going stag, the perfect way to spend February 14th is watching comedy.  We talked to five headliners who are performing stand up this Saturday night, and asked them for some good solid V-day advice.  Gary Gulman, Jen Kirkman, Lachlan Patterson, Justin Willman, and Steve Byrne have everything you need to know to have a solid weekend.

Take their advice and go see them in New York City, Buffalo, Philadelphia, Raleigh North Carolina and Portland.  If you’re not in any of those areas, just check your local clubs for the perfect date, or anti-date night.

Why a comedy club is the perfect plan for Valentines Day…

Gary Gulman:  Comedy is a great cure for loneliness because people go up there  and talk about personal things that are embarrassing or sad. Whatever it is they make it funny and then you don’t feel so alone on valentine’s day.  And if you’re a couple you can look at each other from time to time to check in to see if you have the same sense of humor and if you do, wow you’re really sharing something incredible there.  I never went to a club on Valentines day but I remember taking dates to comedy clubs and it was a real winner.  As long as they didn’t wind up going home with one of the comedians.

Steve Byrne:  I think at the end of the day a comedy club is better than a movie because a movie, there’s no real interaction other than just staring at that screen. But here you can grip somebody’s hand, you can give them a judge-y look if there’s something that the person has talked about that hits home a little more.  Comedy clubs are a great spot for people who are dating.  As far as a comic to meet girls, it’s the worst place because that’s where everybody comes to on a date.  So the last thing you’re going to do is meet a girl at a comedy club.  Also, I like to make things as uncomfortable as possible and it usually comes at the expense of other people’s relationships. So don’t sit in the front.  Give yourself a twenty yard radius.

Jen Kirkman: I think that the people who spend Valentine’s Day at a comedy club are cool. It’s a cool thing for Valentine’s day. I think its good for single people because I think it’s the one day of the year where you could feel badly, so you can come to the show and laugh.  It’s good for everyone.  The cool people who don’t get too shmaltzy on Valentine’s Day, and the single people that just want to laugh and drink.  But don’t heckle or throw up. I’ve had people faint at my shows, throw up, talking loudly cause they’re drunk.  Do your two drink minimum, and then booze it later.  I don’t want any rowdy in-love people. I mean what’s worse?  Or overly depressed singles who are going to drink and then they’re crying.  Keep it in moderation.

Justin Willman:  There’s something about magic, something about magic and comedy together, magic, comedy and romance is the trifecta.  It’s sexy.  Love is a magical thing.  I don’t know how love works and I don’t know how magic works so that might factor into the booking.

What you can do to make Valentine’s Day better

Justin Willman: It’s always flowers and chocolate. It’s cliche for a reason but if you skip that, it’s just — you have to do it.  If you’re going to do an iPhone do it on top of the flowers and chocolate. That, and you gotta not wait till last-minute to make that dinner reservation because you never want to end up at Applebees on Valentines Day.  That might be the golden rule.

Steve Byrne:  I think most guys are kind of forced into celebrating Valentines day.  It’s either something where you have to do it as a guy or instantly you become lonely on New Years Eve.  There’s just no happy medium. Anytime you don’t fight on Valentine’s Day, that’s the mark of success.  At the end of the day it’s just another day you’re wine-ing and dining a girl and you just hope to god it winds up in the bedroom. That’s ultimately what it is. It’s just a more formal version of a Tuesday night.

Jen Kirkman:  Nothing.  I don’t even like Chocolate.  I probably…there’s something probably wrong with me. I’m probably not human. I don’t like chocolate and I don’t like Valentines.  I think the only good thing about it, is– you know the worst is when grown ups platonically send Valentines to friends– if it’s just a day- to-day ‘I love you’ that would be different. So there’s nothing good about it.  Not one thing.  Except my show.

Best, worst and most memorable gift …

Gary Gulman:  When I was in eight grade, a girl who I never even kissed, except on the cheek on Valentine’s Day, she gave me one of those giant Hershey Kisses, which were a real novelty at the time. You couldn’t buy a 10 lb Reeses at the time, this was in 1980 something.  It was giant and she gave me a card and she signed it love comma Jenn and I knew there was something special about that.  She didn’t say I love you but she did write love at the end of it.  It was a peanuts, a snoopy card.  I can’t remember what it said but I remember Snoopy being on it and I kept it for a really long time even though the relationship only lasted a few days.

Lachlan Patterson:  For me, space.  Nothing beats some good ol’ fashioned time to ourselves.  And night vision goggles.  Those would be dope.  For her, the worst gift is red roses and the gigantic heart-shaped chocolate box.  It looks so desperate. Get lilies and some fresh strawberries dipped in white chocolate.  Don’t be such a sap.

Jen Kirkman:  I have been married, I have been in serious relationships, I have lived with people, and I still did not celebrate Valentine’s day.  One of my favorite Valentine’s Days was I went to see the band Ramones by myself.  My boyfriend wasn’t in to them so I went alone. He was actually very offended.  And we were 20, but I find it weird when grown ups indulge in Valentine’s Day. I find it a little silly.  But you know I would say every day is Valentines Day if you’re with me.

Advice for someone who doesn’t have a date…

Lachlan Patterson:  Be thankful.  Valentines isn’t really designed for men.  Valentines is more of a “Judgement Day” for men in a relationship.  Their under the microscope for the day and their women are evaluating their performance.  It’s a lot of pressure and I think that if you’re single it’s best not to go out on Valentines Day.  Go buy some night vision goggles and walk around the neighborhood all evening.

Steve Byrne:  Floss, ask a lot of questions, don’t make it about you, and most importantly do not use Axe body spray.  At any age.  Especially over 18. No matter what those commercials tell you there isn’t a sophisticated woman out there that wants to know the fellah that may be taking her out to any occasion is wearing the same kind of scented aphrodesiac as a 15-year-old linebacker on the High School football team.  It’s just the worst.

Worst Valentine’s Day ever…

Lachlan Patterson: I was on a date with a girl and it was our first ever date and it was Valentines day so there was a lot of pressure.  I have no idea what I was thinking trying to take a stranger on a Valentine’s date.  Anyway, while we were having dinner her recent X showed up and just stood over the table and talked to her for like 10 minutes with his back to me.  She chatted him up and because I barely knew her I let it happen.  Wish I had had the balls to get up and walk out.

Steve Byrne: Last time I had a bad Valentine’s Day was in third grade when I didn’t get that card in my envelope on my desk from the girl I had a crush on.  Her name was Alison Fine, by the way, which I still remember.  She gave the card to the slow kid but she didn’t give me one and I felt a little bit hurt by that, and  I still remember.

Is There a Such Thing as a Good Rom Com?

Steve Byrne:  Titanic, cause ultimately that’s how most relationships end. The guy withers away and dies,  and the girl goes on and she gets to live the rest of her life and be happy.  So that’s pretty much perfect for Valentine’s Day. You can go to the standards, When Harry Met Sally and all of hose, but when it comes down to relationships, there’s so much truth to it.  He sacrifices himself and dies, floats down to the bottom of the sea alone, and she gets a diamond at the end.

Jen Kirkman: I loved Annie Hall until I found out that Woody Allen molested everybody so that’s a good rom com.  I don’t know if I’ve seen any others.

Lachlan Patterson: Princess Bride.  Everyone Loves The Princess Bride.  It’s a romantic comedy about Fred Savage and Columbo.

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