Between dealing with kids, dealing with work, and dealing with Take Your Kids to Work Day, you may have missed some of the most insane things celebrities did this week. Well, have no fear — because Kashmere is here with his finger on the pulse and his eyes on every Instagram account of anyone worth talking about. From Oscar winners to reality TV royalty, to even actually royalty; here are the craziest stories going on this week. Welcome to our newest series, “Did You Hear? With Kashmere!”
Kashmere (also known as Danny Murphy) is a comedian, writer, and pop culture connoisseur (despite not really knowing how to spell connoisseur). He currently writes for Betches and Marie Claire and has also been featured in Glamour, Seventeen and Town & Country. When he’s not drinking red wine or iced coffee while watching Bravo, he’s performing around New York and hosting PASS THE AUX at The Stonewall Inn and DO I SEND IT? at Branded Saloon. Follow his fake reality show AKA his Instagram stories, @kashmeredanny.
Happy Thanksgiving week! Or basically, happy week where time is just an illusion. I can’t tell if it’s Monday morning or Thursday night, but I can tell that I definitely need a size up on my pants. Are you hosting and cooking or just showing up to your cousins house, drinking wine in a corner, and then leaving? Either way — I hope your holiday is great and acquaintance free!
You Can’t Handle the Truth — So You Need A Drink:
Last night at dinner I accidentally ordered kahula in my coffee (don’t ask me how these accidents happen, it’s kind of like one time at dinner when I almost got a plate of rabbit) but can I tell you? It was divine. It’s the perfect ending to a meal that maybe had some tension (IE: a family thanksgiving meal) so I definitely say stock up for Thursday!
Shocked to Not:
Let’s rank the five most shocking (or not remotely surprising at all) stories from this past week.
Hoda Kotb is ENGAGED! | There are few people that bring me automatic joy quite like Hida. I feel like she’s constantly just working or being kind — and she’s kind because she truly is a nice person not cause she feels she has to. Talk about talent. Well, her and her longtime boyfriend Joel Schiffman are officially engaged and honestly? I’m beaming for her. Can’t wait for the wedding — DM me if you feel like crashing, too!
A$AP Rocky is Going to Rock Swedish Prison | Remember that time A$AP Rocky was in Sweedish prison? That made no sense. You know what else doesn’t make any sense? The fact that he wants to go back to that prison to do a performance! He said since everyone is confined for 23 hours, it would be nice — but might be hard to get approval for. Imagine is he sets up a merch booth.
Prince William Helped Kick Prince Andrew Out of Buckingham | After Queen Elizabeth II felt ‘hoodwinked,’ which is very British, by her son’s insane antics — both her and William set the notion in place to get Andrew out of Buckingham Palace because it seems the royal family doesn’t want an Eptstein apologist in their midst. Weird flex! I mean with Harry in Los Angeles getting vegan brunch with Meghan Markle and now Andrew on the streets, the royal family clearly has room for someone else to join their ranks and I am available.
R. Kelly Case Gets An Additional Bombshell Reveal| Nothing you could say about R. Kelly would shock me anymore, besides if you revealed that he like, really loved to floss. Joycelyn Savage, who was one of his live-in girlfriends, said that the singer made her get two abortions while in his house and would keep her locked away while he had the other girls there. Ugh.
‘Model’ House Must Be Teared Down | Moment of silence for that amazing pun, because the house in question belongs to the dad of Bella and Gigi Hadid. The house is 30,000 square feet but apparently is a major danger to his surrounding neighbors — and from looking at pictures of it, clearly looks like it’s ready to fall at any moment. Mohamed, sorry for your loss, but just stay at a 5-star hotel forever? Did you forget room service exists?
The More You Know: Our Weekly Life Lesson From the A-to-Z List
This more you know comes from the AMAs red carpet last night, because it left me feeling… some type of way. And that type of way was a mix between depression and completely infuriation — because apparently every stylist forgot that it would be a televised event? The looks ranged from Hot Topic to Ann Taylor Loft, and either made me angry or just yawn. As Melania would say, BE BETTER, AMAs.
Blast From the PAST:
In honor of Thanksgiving, we cannot forget Tiger Woods INFAMOUS Turkey Day Dinner that involved his entire life being exposed. It was after he fell asleep from all the wine, turkey and heavy gravy that his wife went through his phone, found all the cheating text messages, chased him around with his golf club and then smashed his car. Personally? A level of insane and self-worth that I hope to achieve this holiday season.
Stream or Scream?:
In case you missed it, the Charlie’s Angels reboot is flopping harder in the box office than myself in 5th grade trying to jump into the pool while 50 pounds overweight. Sorry, Elizabeth Banks, but I think this one isn’t worth the 17 dollars. Loved you in 30 Rock, though!