Between dealing with kids, dealing with work, and dealing with Take Your Kids to Work Day, you may have missed some of the most insane things celebrities did this week. Well, have no fear — because Kashmere is here with his finger on the pulse and his eyes on every Instagram account of anyone worth talking about. From Oscar winners to reality TV royalty, to even actually royalty; here are the craziest stories going on this week. Welcome to our newest series, “Did You Hear? With Kashmere!”
Kashmere (also known as Danny Murphy) is a comedian, writer, and pop culture connoisseur (despite not really knowing how to spell connoisseur). He currently writes for Betches and Marie Claire and has also been featured in Glamour, Seventeen and Town & Country. When he’s not drinking red wine or iced coffee while watching Bravo, he’s performing around New York and hosting PASS THE AUX at The Stonewall Inn and DO I SEND IT? at Branded Saloon. Follow his fake reality show AKA his Instagram stories, @kashmeredanny.
Happy mid-November, everyone! Aka the time of year where truly everyone is sick. Run for cover when you get to your office or the grocery store because it is truly just a symphony of coughing while people complain about how it gets darker earlier. I truly don’t know what’s worse: germs or small talk.
You Can’t Handle the Truth — So You Need A Drink:
Like I mentioned, legitimately every single person is under the weather with something right now. It’s a cold/flu hybrid that just leaves everyone performing A Carol of the Coughs, which I guess could potentially be a chic new holiday song. With that though, sub the wine for a hot toddy, or if you’re feeling nasty — a Hot Thottie which is a drink we coined on my podcast Not Another True Crime Podcast. It’s basically a Hot Toddy, but you throw in some Emergencee and a text or two to an ex.
Shocked to Not:
Let’s rank the five most shocking (or not remotely surprising at all) stories from this past week.
Sharon Osbourne Is Blasting a Music Blogger in Leaked Email | In case you didn’t know, Ozzy Osbourne has a new single out which is getting decent reviews. Go Ozzy! Apparently, critic Bob Lefsetz wasn’t the biggest fan, which turned Sharon on the major defense where she ripped into him via email. That email? Was of course than leaked. Oops.
Zayn Got Some Shade On SNL | Musical guest and host of SNL this past weekend Harry Styles of course talked about his One Direction past in between saying the phrase ‘Watermelon Sugar’ 500 times. In his opening monologue he thanked everyone who was a member of the band that made him big, except for Zayn. That’ll be an awkward reunion in 10 years when they all go on tour together again after realizing all the money is in the band
Ariana Grande Is Under the Weather | I TOLD YOU EVERYONE WAS SICK! Ari had to cancel a show last night cause of sinuses and a cold, which is fair cause I would def cancel a show if there was a rerun of my favorite Chopped episode. She has been touring for basically the whole year, so maybe it’s time she takes a break anyway.
RHONY’s Countess LuAnn Was Fashionably Late to Her Own Show | You know how you never want to be the first person at a party? Well, same definitely goes for your own show — and LuAnn knows that well. She welcomed her crowd at BravoCon last night at 9:30, which is a respectable start time if the show wasn’t supposed to go off at 8:30. It happens.
There’s A New Housewife Franchise In Town | If women in their 50s drinking wine and fighting isn’t your style, would you perhaps like it done while sober? Cause that could potentially be what the new Real Housewives of Salt Lake City is all about! Announced at BravoCon, I can’t wait to see their publicists have panic attacks when they start to speak freely and unedited in interviews.
The More You Know: Our Weekly Life Lesson From the A-to-Z List
The biggest lesson I feel comes from Sharon Osbourne’s story, and that is SET IT AND FORGET IT. Mad at a music blogger? Just ignore them. Or, if you’re as rich as her, make your assistant write out what you want to send before throwing it into a Malibu bonfire on the beach.
Blast From the PAST:
While this is the semi-recent last, I want to let us all collectively LOL at the fact Nicki Minaj said she was retiring this summer, mainly because she just released a new song — in Spanish, no less. Even though trying to learn a new language seems like what everyone would try to do for the first two weeks of their retirement before they just commit to watching Judge Judy.
Stream or Scream?:
Remember The Preppy Murder from the 80s? Well, AMC made a do I series and it is definitely worth the stream if you’re into feeling outraged and disgusted at the same time!