Thursday September 15: Daily Links
THURSDAY 9.15
NEWS STORIES
Trump Makes Huge Announcement- He'll Never Run for Office....With Mike Pence
The Don is still mad Pence didn’t help him stay in the White House and says he couldn’t possibly run for any office with Pence ever again.
We figured that out when your fans tried to hang him and you went to lunch.
Most of the staff that have been picking up after Prince Charles for years got the word that their services won’t be needed by King Charles.
You really think you’ll find someone else to put toothpaste on your brush dude?
Amtrak Cancels All Long Distance Trains
An impending labor strike could bring rail travel to a halt outside of the Northeast, so Amtrak is taking preliminary measures to cancel all long haul trains just in case. Northeast corridor routes will remain active.
What’s next? They gonna stop the Pony Express?
Ukraine Scientist Says UFOs Are Everywhere
A new research paper claims the skies over Ukraine are full of UFOs. “We see them everywhere. We observe a significant number of objects whose nature is not clear. Flights of single, group and squadrons of the ships were detected, moving at speeds from 3 to 15 degrees per second.”
No, not UFOs. We’ve identified them. They’re bombs.
SPORTS
NFL Foot Fetishist Gets Dream Job
Former NFL Coach Rex Ryan has always been rumored to have a foot fetish, and now he’s announced a deal with Dr. Scholls. He told Pat McAfee, “I’m an expert in football and I’m an expert in feet. So, what the hell — I’m gonna do it? And I flat out own it!”
Looks like this little piggy’s going to market.
Brett Favre Biographer Walks Back His Entire Book
In light of new revelations about Brett Favre’s multi million dollar welfare fraud scandal, Jeff Pearlman is regretting his largely glowing bio of the former QB. I wrote a biography of the man that was largely glowing. Football heroics, overcoming obstacles, practical joker, etc. Yes, it included his grossness, addictions, treatment of women. But it was fairly positive,” Pearlman wrote on Twitter. “And, looking at it now, if I’m being brutally honest—I’d advise people not to read it. He’s a bad guy. He doesn’t deserve the icon treatment. He doesn’t deserve acclaim. Image rehabilitation. Warm stories of grid glory. His treatment of [Jennifer Sterger] was … inexcusable.” He doesn’t want you to buy the book, or even read it for free, and concludes Favre should shuffle off into the abyss, shamed by greed and selfishness.
How come no one is calling Favre a welfare cheat?
Both Teams DQed in High School FootBrawl
CELEBS & ENTERTAINMENT
Ryan Reynolds Loses Bet, Gets Colonoscopy
Reynolds doctor found a polyp during a colonoscopy and told the actor, “This was potentially lifesaving for you. I’m not kidding. I’m not being overly dramatic.” He filmed the procedure after losing a bet with his Wrexham co-owner Rob McElhenney about whether he could learn to speak Welsh.
Could we have one day without this asshole being in the news?
Britney Spears Cries on Camera While Dancing
Disney World Going From Happiest to Crappiest Place on Earth?
The Magic Kingdom has a reputation for being immaculate. It’s a place where if bad things happen, guests never see it because its corrected or at the very least hidden. Visitors are complaining of broken down rides, dirty facilities, aging attractions and an overall deterioration.
This is the time-square-ification of Disney. Seems only fair.
Terrible experience —park has deteriorated greatly ! Broken rides —cost—service.
— MAGreen (@Michael77853472) September 13, 2022
@WaltDisneyWorld @DisneyParks @emilyclairek_ Sad to see the water fountain on Miss Tilly is still not working at Typhoon Lagoon. Will it ever be fixed? So many maintenance issues around the property, stuff just being left broken.
— Myles (@MasterlyAmateur) September 7, 2022
Disney Had to Disable Dislike Button After Reactions to Mermaid Trailer
While Tiktok and IG are overflowing with beautiful positive reactions to the Little Mermaid trailer, Disney had to put a stop to the “thumbs down” reactions because they were off the charts. 1.5 million people smashed that dislike button when they saw the trailer.
Why would a bunch of old racists care about a mermaid movie?
Marine Biologist Tries to Use Science to Explain Black Mermaid
A scientist said Deep Sea Fish are darker, so it makes sense that a mermaid would be…blah blah blah.
If you need science to tell you why a mermaid can be black, it’s already too late for you.
Springsteen Questions Rolling Stone
The Boss and Rolling Stone boss Jann Winter sat down on stage at the 92nd Street Y and during the hour, Bruce questioned Jann about why Rolling Stone snubbed him for the cover when Born to Run came out.
Bruce you won. Stop complaining.
Wendy Williams Enters Wellness Facility
With various mental and physical conditions on her roster, Wendy Williams has checked into a treatment center to focus on her well being and health.
It’s being run by Jamie Spears. She should be fine.
TRENDING & VIRAL
Kids Love Vintage Rock TShirts
Fashion retailers have licensed rock shirts, and they’re selling like hotcakes at places like target, pac-sun, and urban outfitters. Kids love the shirts, but if you ask them about the bands or the songs, they get confused.
Yea, logos are so much better than music.
Watch Shark Leap Onto a Fishing Boat
The shark was quoted as saying, hey guys, i think we are going to need a bigger boat.
STUDIES, SURVEYS, RANKINGS
Americans Too Worried To Sleep
A new survey by Ohio State University has revealed that 20% of us can’t sleep at night and fear of the state of the world is a major factor.
It’s over, the least you can do is get a good night’s sleep.
Screen Crush Picks the Worst Movie Titles Ever Created
If “Stop or My Mom Will Shoot” Isn’t on the list, don’t bother reading it.
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