America is voting for the best restroom in the world and one of the finalists is in Queens NY at JFK Airport. This is according to bestrestroom.com, where you can place your vote.

The only downside is somebody has taken all the toilet paper and stall #2 is clogged again.

Read more at nypost.

The country’s adult population is now 70% vaccinated which was Biden’s July 4 goal, just in time for August 4th.

Stop Celebrating, 70% is still a D.

Read more at mediaite.

Unjected — which is an app that helps anti-vaxxers hook up, has been RE-jected by the Apple App store.

Great, now how am I supposed to meet De Santis?

Read more at gizmodo.

Americans really thought this shit would be over by now, and the latest setback has got poeple acting pissed off and denying that there really is a pandemic going on.

How many more steps to acceptance?

Read more at Apple News.

Photos of the back of Kim Jong Un’s head have been getting passed around online of some sort of injury he got with a bandage on it. Maybe he’s just really into Marcellus Wallace cosplay.

See the photos at NDTV.com

Purdue College accepted too many freshman this year and they’ve set up dorm “cubicles” to house them all. Or in other words, Covidicles.

Watch the video at Barstool.

Tuesday morning New York City has mandated showing proof of vaccination for indoor settings including gyms, restaurants and entertainment venues.

You know whose going to love this…Mac’s Public House.

Read more at nypost.

An independent investigator has found that Andrew Cuomo sexually harassed multiple women working for him and participated in retaliatory behavior against someone who complained. A 165 page report has found he violated multiple state and federal laws.

Is it too late to get the blind guy back in as Governor?

Read more at CNBC.

What does it pay to train your entire life to be the best in the world and bring home glory for your entire nation? Some countries pay high six figures, others pay nothing. But in the US, each gold menu will earn athletes $37,000, while a silver pays a sweet $22k and bronze medals come wth $15,000.

So could one of you winners buy Simone Biles plane ticket?

Read more at usmagazine.

Simones Biles showed up to perform in the beam competition at the Olympics and managed to grab the Bronze. If she were still on adderall she def woulda taken the gold.

Read more at the New York Times.

Simone Biles does a double pike dismount, which she hasn’t done in approximately 9 years! What a wonderful performance! pic.twitter.com/r1y7ceKyhG

— Poor Lawyer (@poorlawyer) August 3, 2021

Bruce Springsteen’s daughter is one of the youngest equestrian’s performing today at a high level. She’s 29 and the average age is 39 in the sport. The real takeaway here is she didn’t name her horse Glory Days. Huge mistake.

Read more at the Wall Street Journal.

Good luck Jessica Springsteen! The journey begins tomorrow morning 6AM EST! We’re all pulling for ya! Chase Those Wild Horses Olympian!!🏅🐎🙏🏻 #Tokyo2020 pic.twitter.com/gMEiQaE4al

— Spring-Nuts (@SpringNuts_) August 3, 2021

Bills tight end Dawson Knox revealed that he, quarterback Josh Allen and other players on the team enjoy games of Catan. Buffalo Bills Super Bowl appearance confirmed.

Dawson Knox tells us about the games of Catan that he plays with Josh Allen and other Bills players. Says that Davis Webb is the guy that’s most likely to play for the Longest Road. #Catan

— Jeremy White (@JeremyWGR) August 3, 2021

Crypto Billionaire Mike Novgratz has a nickname of being the Forrest Gump of investing, based on his string of dumb luck, but all that networth translated to a pretty insane party this weekend in the Hamptoms. The party was Coney Island Mermaid themed complete with Miley Cyrus performing, Joey Chestnut hanging out at a Nathans hot dog tent and plenty more ridiculous rich guy shit.

This is a chris Stanley wet dream.

Read more at pagesix.

Damon says he didn’t use the F-word, so he didn’t need to quit it, and his cute story got all twisted by the internet.

Shouldn’t he get a pass anyway since he fucked ben Affleck?

Read more at THR

Pillow Mike was trying to Zoom when a dude came over to troll him. While he claimed he loved him, he said “Don’t let the libtards call you names! Don’t let them call you an ethically dubious pillow pusher. Don’t let them call you a marginally brain-addled corrupt goofball. Don’t let them call you names is what I’m saying. Be strong. Don’t let them push you around or call you names like completely clueless crazy old man who believes everything he sees on the internet.”

Why Mike Lindell’s life so much like a bizarro world Impractical Jokers show?

Read more at Mediaite.

“Becoming Led Zeppelin” which claims to have unprecedented access to the band is finished and just needs a release date so we can all learn so much about the band.

Apparently they come from a land of ice and snow.

Read more at Variety.

Casey and Colin Jost are teaming up to write a live action movie of the Ninja Turtles for Paramount.

Coming from Staten Island they’re probably very familiar with living in sewers.

Read more at Deadline.

Kathy Griffin admitted to having lung cancer and had surgery on Monday, and confessed to a suicide attempt in 2020. You might think that would buy her a day free of being shit on, but not in Meghan McCain’s world. Discussing the news on The View, McCain said “I don’t like her, I’m never going to like her for all the jokes she made about Clay [Aiken].”

Are you sure you’re McCain’s daughter and not Trump’s daughter?

Read more at Salon.

The Melinda and Bill Gates divorce is final, and we know that she won’t be getting spousal support, but she does get to keep her powerful last name.

No word on which one of these nerds gets the star trek DVDs.

Read more at The Daily Beast.

Rudd and Levy went out ot dinner in London and a photo went viral because people think Rudd is reverse aging.

Stop it. Just stop it.

Read more at yahoo.

1) Paul Rudd last night
2) Paul Rudd 26 years ago

I’ve aged more in the time it’s taken me to compose this tweet than Paul Rudd has since 1996. pic.twitter.com/s1Iq4x873J

— Esther Ciammachilli #WeMakeWAMU (@EstherCinDC) August 1, 2021

Insiders say that Lorne isn’t looking to fire any of his long term cast members, and in fact he’s asked them to stick around until the show’s 50th season beginning in the fall of 2024.

Either Lorne is retiring after Season 50, or he’s just too old and too tired to go through a casting sesh.

Read more at variety.

Two former Disney executives are buying Witherspoon’s “Hello Sunshine” which was created to spread “illuminating stories about women’s lives globally.” Oh and she’s getting about $900 million for it.

The patriarchy is dead! Long Live the patriarchy!

Read more at Jezebel.

Amazon has released the first image from their highly anticipated Lord of the Rings series and it’s going to premier September 2nd, 2022. Thanks for the cock tease, Jeff.

Read more at Variety.

On September 2, 2022, a new journey begins. pic.twitter.com/9tnR7WqDoA

— The Lord of the Rings on Prime (@LOTRonPrime) August 2, 2021

EVERYTHING

This list is amazing! Gene Hackman is amazing!

No Scarecrow? Fuck this list.

Read more at The Wrap.

Jalopnik found an old NYT opinion piece that was pro drunk driving, saying it was totally fine and even that young people should be allowed to drink younger than they already could back in 1984. This guy also thought cocaine was an amazing weight loss program.

Read more at Jalponik.