Sunday August 8: Daily Links

Published by Interrobang Staff at August 8, 2021

SUNDAY 8.8

NEWS STORIES

Wanted: Some Average Joes To Pretend They're Living on Mars

To research how regular people would adapt to living on another planet, NASA is seeking a team to simulate Mars life for a year. Kind of a Marsbase 8 scenario called MARS DUNE ALPHA.

So far only Pauly Shore and Steve Balwin have volunteered.

Work For Target, Get Free College

Does Your Job Pay 100% Of Your College Tuition? It does if you work at certain big box stores. Target just become the second big box department store to agree to cover 100% of college tuition for its workers at a select list of schools. Walmart made a similar announcement last week dedicating billions toward educating their staff.

Didn’t the army used to do this? #BeAllYouCanBe

Once We Run Out Of Greek Letters, Variants Will Be Named After Constellations

The WHO has said that they’re considering using constellations to announce new Covid variants once they run out of Greek letters. If you think Delta Plus sucks, wait til we get to the Big Dipper variant.

Greece Is On Fire

This footage of people escaping fires in Greece on a ferry is terrifying. No one from California watch this it’s just going to trigger you.

SPORTS

Kevin Durant, Draymond Green Tell Media To Act Like Americans

He’s looking at you, Big Perk.

Olympian Gets Knocked Out, Wakes Up to Find Out He's Won Gold

An Iranian Olympian who was knocked unconscious in Karate won the gold anyway. His opponent was disqualified for the kick to the head that knocked him out.

Disqualified in Karate for kicking? This is the most millennial thing I’ve heard in my life. This never would have happened in the karate kid.

Allyson Felix is the New Track & Field GOAT Surpassing Carl Lewis

Just a day after Carl Lewis threw shade all over the US Mens Relay Team, he got to see his GOAT status surpassed, by a Allyson Felix. Felix is now the most decorated American Olympian in track and field.

Shut Up Carl, there’s a new goat in town. An Ally-Goat.

German Coach Gets a Black Card for Horse Punch

“The UIPM Executive Board (EB) has given a black card to the Germany team coach Kim Raisner, disqualifying her from the remainder of the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games,”

Mel Brooks wants to put her in a reboot.

Jessica Springsteen Silvers in Equestrian Team Jumping

She would have gotten a gold if she had pursued track.. She was Born to Run.

Bobby Bowden Has Died At Age 91

Bobby Bowden, legendary FSU football coach, has passed away at the age of 91 at home surrounded by family. At least he never lived to see a college player make any sort of income.

Fight Breaks Out At Rams/Cowboys Joint Practice

A fight broke out between Aaron Donald and a Cowboys player at a joint practice this weekend. If anyone’s watching Hard Knocks this season let us know who won the fight.

Watch the scuffle on Twitter.

Things got tense between Aaron Donald and Connor Williams at the combined practice with the Cowboys and Rams 😳

(via @AlbertBreer) pic.twitter.com/s0naZpw5SX

— Sports Illustrated (@SInow) August 7, 2021

Sources Say Messi Going To Paris-St Germain

Sources are saying Lionel Messi has agreed to a two year deal with Paris-St Germain after leaving Barcelona.

CELEBS & ENTERTAINMENT

Wait Till You Hear Why O.J. Simpson Won't Go to L.A.

He’s afraid that he might run into the real killer. “People may think this is self-serving, but I might be sitting next to whoever did it. I really don’t know who did this,” he said.

It’s your son man. Are you talking about sitting next to your son?

Kim Kardashian Looks Like a Cartoon Villain in Skin Tight Head to Toe Body Suit

Kim K showed up to support Kanye’s album release wearing a full coverage but very revealing skin tight outfit, that covers everything but her ponytail, and yet covers nothing.

Looks like its a BDSM summer.

Kim Kardashian in Balenciaga at the DONDA event in Atlanta. pic.twitter.com/eQwTvSMQyG

— ENFNTS TERRIBLES Magazine (@enfntsterribles) August 7, 2021

Tarantino Swore He'd Never Give Money to His Mom Cause She Said Something Mean To Him

QT says when he was a kid, his mother mocked his dreams. He told Brian Koppelman on a podcast that he vowed that she would “never see penny one” from his success. She had told young Quentin, “this little ‘writing career,’ with the finger quotes and everything. This little ‘writing career’ that you’re doing? That s–t is over!’”

He says he helped her out with the IRS once, but otherwise kept to that vow.

Doesn’t it help that your mom’s boyfriends introduced you to the blaxploitation films you later were “inspired by” in finger quotes?

Meghan McCain Gets Awkward Send-Off From The View

McCain had some sentimental parting words on her last show, but her co-hosts, not so much.

They did give her two boxes of bear claws.

VIRAL VIRAL

Paintball Player Body Shames Hospitalized Teen

This Team USA paintball player is no longer welcome on Tik Tok but her bitchy post about a boy hospitalized with Covid was re-posted by another angry TikTokker. Jesse Maiolo posted a video saying “Ma’am your kid does not need a COVID shot, your kid needs a fuckin’ treadmill.”

Well Jesse, you’re a paintball player not a marathon runner. Stop acting like you’re our nation’s fitness coach. Also you suck.

What's Worse Than Sleeping With the Fishes? How Bout the Jellyfishes?

An underwater camera captured a world of moon jellyfish in a lake in Scotland.

Worst thing about this is that when you stick them all together they form a Loch Ness monster.

STUDIES, SURVEYS, RANKINGS

Vice Asks Why Are Humans The Only Animals That Cry When They're Sad

Vice tried to figure out why humans cry when sad and there doesn’t seem to be one clear answer. Guess because we’re the wokest of mammals.