The 5: Shirley Gnome Shares Five Amazing Weird Al Songs That Aren’t Parodies
Shirley Gnome Nominated for Juno for Latest Album “Decoxification” on 604 Records
Shirley Gnome, the Vancouver-based cabaret comedian, known for her salacious and unapologetic lyrics, has set a new standard for X-rated music with her latest album “Decoxification.” We’re celebrating Shirley’s album being nominated for a Juno award- she’s the only female nominee in the Comedy Album category. Her fifth studio album is also her second under 604 Records and its comedy arm, Comedy Here Often.
An award-winning entertainer with international accolades and a global fanbase, Shirley is a sex-positive performer and passionate advocate for the LGBTQ+ community. She got her start in 2012 after winning Patrick Maliha’s “The People’s Champ of Comedy” and has since sold out shows across Canada, the U.S., New Zealand and Australia. Her fourth album “Taking it Up the Notch” was nominated for Best Comedy Album at the 2018 Canadian Comedy Awards.
In honor of the nomination, Shirley is sharing with us a Top 5 from one of her own musical heros– Weird Al.
I may be making a generalisation, but we all know Weird Al for his incredible parodies of pop hits. Yes, we ALL know them. Even the indigenous tribes of the Amazon who have not made contact with other civilisations. I said WE ALL KNOW, didn’t I? However, not everyone is aware that Weird Al also has a lexicon of incredibly hilarious original tunes. They span the entirety of his decades long career, included on every one of his releases since his eponymous debut on April 3, 1983. But not all of us were in the front row of the Ridiculously Self-Indulgent, Ill-Advised Vanity Tour in 2018 in which he solely played a selection of these bangers (although you can hear a live taping of said concert on Stitcher Premium). While original, almost all of them are homages to a particular genre or artist; truly a testament to the depth of his incredibly skilled musicality along with his lyrical prowess.
As a massive Weird Al fan, and a marginally venerated singing clown myself, I would love to sing the praises of some of Weird Al’s lesser known original songs. Yeah, we’re gonna go deep cut on this, and it was incredibly difficult to choose just five to talk about. Is this the definitive top five Weird Al original songs of all time? Absolutely not. Am I in any way qualified to be writing this? Hell no. If your favourite isn’t included, is it right for you to get angry in the comment section? Of course! Knock yourself out. After all, none of this really matters in the grand scheme of human suffering. So put your judgy critical art hat, and onward we go to a selection of songs that may just make your day better*.
If you’re thinking, “Woah, woah, I didn’t even KNOW Weird Al made original songs! Don’t take me on this deep cut wankfest, you obscurity loving piece of hipster trash!” Fair enough. Start out with ‘The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota’, ‘You Don’t Love Me Anymore’, ‘Dare To Be Stupid’, ‘One More Minute’ ‘Everything You Know Is Wrong’ and ‘Frank’s 2000” TV’. When you’re hungry for more, come back and dive in with me on this list. Together, we will eagerly await the newest release of Weird Al originals with big smiles on our faces and maybe our hands will brush together or something. I don’t know, it doesn’t have to be a big deal.
*Interrobang, Shirley Gnome and all subsidiaries are not responsible for any elevation or descent of your emotional well being as a result of listening to these songs.
1. ’Why Does This Always Happen To Me?’ (Poodle Hat, 2003)
The psychopathy of the weird Al lexicon is a marvel to behold. One need go no further than ‘Melanie’ and ‘Good Old Days’ to see that Weird Al’s originals often employ macabre and twisted sensibilities with upbeat melodies. Here, he marries his trademark clinical detachment from all human decency with the self-centered entitlement of the “first world problem” narrative. With a Ben Folds style parody as a backdrop, it’s a satirical exaggeration that rings with a quiet hum of truth as much as it rings with a clanging gong of morbidity. As each story becomes increasingly dark, the protagonist of this tune stays steadfast in his whiny pity-party. It truly highlights the absurdity of the narcissistic way in which some (You? Me? Everyone in Western culture?) has a tendency to frame their reality. Fun fact: Ben Folds plays the piano on this track. Now that’s authenticity!
2. ‘Your Horoscope For Today’ (Running With Scissors, 1999)
In the 90s, Third-wave ska/ska punk had it’s moment in the sun. Bands like Reel Big Fish and The Mighty Mighty Bosstones were off-beating their way up the charts. So too did Weird Al have this Sublime moment with his satirical ska takedown of the postulations of astrology. However, unlike the dwindling interest in ska, the indulgences of astrological signs have never been stronger amongst Millenials and Zoomers. This song’s lighthearted sendup of the fallacy of fortune still lands; a rising sign, perhaps, of our age of uncertainty and unreality. My whiny social commentary aside, this song freakin’ rips. Weird Al takes the rapid fire pace of ska and interweaves it with rapid fire celestial specificity, with every star sign getting a future that is unreasonably particular and completely unhelpful. This is a hilarious and delightful opposition to the generic, bias confirming futures inherent to the mystic methodologies of star gazing. Taurus and Capricorn get a one-size fits all, though. However, earth signs are something something so it makes sense. The absurdity is specific too, with the signature bizarre, dark and hilarious imagery that makes Weird Al just so wonderfully weird. The bridge really hits the satirical nail with the weird al hammer when he says:
“Now you may find it inconceivable or rather very least a bit unlikely that
The relative position of the planets and the stars
Could have a special deep significance or meaning
That exclusively applies to only you
But, let me give you my assurance that
These forecasts and predictions are all based on
Solid, scientific, documented evidence
So you would have to be some kind of moron
Not to realize that every single one of them is absolutely true
Where was I?”
*Chef’s kiss*. What a mastermind he is. Typical Scorpio, I assume.
(Are you feeling personally attacked? Classic Pisces. Read this and enjoy your best life).
3. ‘Hardware Store’ (Poodle Hat, 2003)
This song may be one of the rare gems of the Weird Al canon that is a pure original – well, as original as any song can be. He began writing this song as an homage to alt rock power trio The Presidents of the United States of America. However, it morphed into something all its own – and is somewhat of a diehard Weird Al fan favourite. A fantastic example of list-rock, the premise is simple; a maniacal fanatic enthusiasm for what you can buy in a hardware store. One man inspired by the transcendent ecstasy of power tools and building materials, it is a transformation of the banal to the divine. Likely to hit a chord with handymenchen and hobbyists, the appeal goes beyond through Weird Al’s impressive technical musicality and show-stopping delivery. Marvel at the delivery of the entire inventory of Home Depot through Weird Al’s unstoppable commitment to the drill bit. This isn’t the only tune where he employs a reverence of the ordinary; check out ‘Velvet Elvis’ and ‘Cable TV’ to see how Weird Al can make joy out of almost anything.
4. Since You Been Gone (Bad Hair Day, 1994)
Long before Kelly Clarkson was so moving on, yeah yeah, Weird Al was gracing us with one of many of his demented songs of love and hearbreak. I would be remiss, REMISS I tell you, not to include a little something for the lovers out there. A vocally astounding a’capella (that’s Italian for ‘instruments are for losers’) song in which our benevolent court jester sings every single part (except the bass, but c’mon give the guy a break), it is yet another testament to the scope of Weird Al’s genre-spanning prowess. Is there ANY genre he can’t replicate, honour, celebrate, and completely nail? Don’t answer that. Instead, keep reading. With a hefty dollop of that specific Weird Al weirdness, he delves deep into the trope of the misery of heartbreak as depicted in popular song. It works as a great song if you’re in actual post-relationship sorrow, as it both mocks and celebrates how ridiculously awful it is to have your heart shattered. There’s something special about being validated while also having your head gently pulled out of your emotional ass. One of the best parts of this short ditty is how it turns out to be not just an assemblage of violent and torturous depictions of heartbreak, but a very long walk to what turns out to be the punchline. Go on, go on that walk. Trust me, the view at the end is worth it.
5. ‘Harvey The Wonder Hamster’ (Alapalooza, 1993)
The eleven year old who still lives within me would never let me hear the end of it if I didn’t include this song. I learned that lesson when I refused to eat Corn Pops for three weeks and she JUST WOULDN’T LET IT GO (I ate them, it was grosslicious, and she was quieted). Thusly, my final pick is this ridiculously short (0:21) marching anthem of complete and utter stupidity. Harvey, despite this triumphant and celebratory musical tribute and his exalted moniker, just runs around on his hamster wheel. It is ludicrous. It is mirthful. It is possibly a deeply nihilistic take on the pointlessness of existence (or, perhaps, just hamsters as pets). Ultimately, it is perfect. It has made my life better on many occasions, and the pandemic is one of them. If you felt like you were running on the Hamster Wheel of Life™ during lockdown, let this cheery mood-lifter shine a little light into your languished existence. Laugh, laugh some more, and then maybe cry or punch a tree? Whatever feels right. If this is just not enough Harvey for you, check out this clip from AL-TV in which Harvey is both celebrated and perhaps ended? All the better knowing Weird Al is a well documented animal lover and vegan.
