In a landmark decision, a federal district judge ordered the city and county of Los Angeles to provide housing for every homeless person on Skid Row by October 18.

Housing for everyone in six months? What are they going to do, knit houses?

Read more at NBC Los Angeles.

Not only will prostitutes be safe from prosecution, but old cases will be dismissed thanks to a decision by Manhattan District Attorney.

“Over the last decade we’ve learned from those with lived experience, and from our own experience on the ground: criminally prosecuting prostitution does not make us safer, and too often, achieves the opposite result by further marginalizing vulnerable New Yorkers,” Vance said in a statement. “Now, we will decline to prosecute these arrests outright, providing services and supports solely on a voluntary basis.”

“Customers” however, will still be subject to prosecution.

It sounds like the Johns are going to get screwed twice.

Read more at NY Times.

Nancy Pelosi meant well when she said at a news conference on Tuesday: “Thank you, George Floyd, for sacrificing your life for justice. For being there to call out to your mom, how heartbreaking was that—to call out for your mom, ‘I can’t breathe.’”

Pelosi has a new job running the social media for the Las Vegas Raiders.

Read more at The Mary Sue

This group of BLM protestors didn’t seem to know why it was chanting outside a NYC restaurant. The crowd started off screaming “we don’t want you here” at the restaurant and its patrons, but soon switched to a more supportive chant of “tip 30%”.

Hey, Butter Knives Matter.

Read more at nypost.

Customers in Seattle will soon be able to register their palms at Whole Foods kiosks, and pay for their purchases without a wallet or credit card. They’ll be able to pay just by holding their hand over a scanner, and literally have their palm read.

Hi Mark of the Beast!

Read more at The Verge.

Mr. Q Crab House has “hired” robots to greet customers, show them to their tables, and bring out their food.

And since this is Florida the Robot also smokes meth.

Read more at People.

Watch video here.

While you’re at it, should you guys let us know your stance on if we should brush your teeth or not…

Stanford Medicine strongly supports the use of face masks to control the spread of COVID-19. pic.twitter.com/DiY3sWezCN

— Stanford Medicine (@StanfordMed) April 21, 2021

Brett Favre, misunderstanding the legal meaning of intent, said on his podcast that he doesn’t believe Chauvin intended to kill George Floyd.

Glad he stuck with this politics out of sports rule for a whole week. Dick pic anyone?

Read more at TMZ.

NFL kicked off the rule on 4/20.

Maybe Willie Nelson is right, it should be holiday.

Read more at insider.

Goldberg had a long run with the show, but disappeared without fanfare, and its likely that his conservative political leanings are to blame.

Maybe he could do a show with Brett Favre

Read more at awful announcing.

When Saint’s CB Marshon Lattimore informed a cop that he did have a gun on him and it was located in his jeans near his groin, the cop responded with some advice. You’re gonna shoot your dick off, he said.

This is going to be great for the revival of a Christmas story.

Read more at ESPN.

Speaker Pelosi at the Congressional Black Caucus presser after Chauvin verdict:

“Thank you George Floyd for sacrificing your life for justice.” pic.twitter.com/JfapSsKdtX

— The Recount (@therecount) April 20, 2021

You demanded it, you got it. LeVar Burton will host Jeopardy which should quiet the angry mobs who really really wanted this to happen.

The only problem is, he never learned to read.

Read more at Variety.

Time to welcome Dave Chappelle to the podcasting universe. He’s got a new show called The Midnight Miracle with Talib Kweli and Yasiin Bey that will feature conversation, sketch, clips, impersonations, friends, and celebrity guests.

God I hope he makes a little money off this.

Read more at Uproxx.

A reader asked Uproxx Music Critic Steve Hayden who is the most underrated band of all time.

Somehow the Beatles will manage to win this too.

Read more at Uproxx.

Well she’s made it clear she’s perfectly in control of herself so why not?

All that weed, No wonder she wants that really full fat ice cream!

Read more at buzzfeednews.

everything

A huge crowd waited on line to take a picture in front of some wings on a wall so they could post it to Instagram.

In my day the only wall we cared about was Pink Floyds Wall.

Via Digg.

@danielpantoja39

In Nashville I witnessed literally the worst of what social media has wreaked. #wings

♬ original sound – Daniel Pantoja

Spoiler alert: It took 34 minutes of dog paddling and running from one spot to another, but the big dog finally figured out how to rescue an exhausted little dog who fell in the family pool.

Too bad Natalie Wood didn’t have a dog.

You’d better really like waterslides if you go on this 4 plus minute uneventful ride in Penang Malaysia. And if you go on the world’s longest waterslide, you’re going to need a ride back to where you started.

Looks like the guy on the right took a pee break in the middle

We all drank a lot in 2020, but according to a study, global wine consumption was at its lowest since 2002.

In other news oxycontin had its biggest year ever.

Read more at Food and Wine.