Wednesday April 7: Daily Links

Published by Interrobang Staff at April 7, 2021

WEDNESDAY 4.7

NEWS STORIES

NY Parks Already Warning Against Weed

Signs Signs Everywhere There’s Signs….. Bryant Park, Herald Square Park and Greeley Park are the first to post that weed is not welcome with brand new “NO SMOKING of any kind”. signs.

I dunno, the park seems filled with weeds.

The Pandemic Created 30% More Billionaires

According to Forbes, there are 2,755 billionaires in the world right now and this is a 30% jump from the number of billionaires at this time last year. 86 percent of them are richer than they were a year ago.

And none of them have paid any taxes! Amazing.

Kid Found a Bullet in His Flamin Hot Cheetos

A man named Bow Horn Weasel of Montana says his son found a bullet covered in Cheetos dust in the bottom of his Cheetos bag.

Wait a minute….did Kurt Cobain eat Cheetos for his last meal?

Oh No! Ketchup Packet Shortage!

The surge in takeout has created a shortage of Heinz ketchup packages leading to concern about the availability of ketchup in take out restaurants going forward.

Don’t you weirdos have ketchup in your house?

SPORTS

Deshaun Watson's First Accuser is Speaking Out; Watson Says She's In It for the Cash

Ashley Solis is speaking out about the sexual harassment and assualt she suffered in her own house. She says Watson kept asking her to massage his groin and would repeatedly expose himself. In a separate story, Watson says accuser #1 demanded 100k in hush money from him before filing legal claims.

Dude that would have been a bargain.

Read more at NY Times and The Daily Beast.

Brandon Marshall Screamed About NBA Contracts

On his tv show, Brandon Marshall went on a tirade about NBA contracts that seemed to be lacking in the facts and information department.

Wow, The View looks so different since Sharon left.

Brandon Marshall couldn’t be more wrong 😂 #IAMATHLETE pic.twitter.com/h3NqYPzFtX

— Ry (@JustRyCole) April 5, 2021

Ballpark Sued Over Taco Eating Contest Death

The family of a man who died during a taco eating contest is suing Fresno Grizzlies owner, Fresno Sports and Events. Dana Hastings choked to death during the amateur competition. The lawsuit alleges that event organizers didn’t fully disclose the risks of the contest. “If you don’t know all the pitfalls, how can you truly be consenting and participating freely and voluntarily? It’s a risk that resulted in a major loss to Marshall,” said an attorney for the family.

Don’t know what kind of warning you need to chew food before you swallow. But okay. Good luck.

CELEBS & ENTERTAINMENT

Weed Dispensary Concerned About Selling NAPALM

Rap star Xzibit’s celebrity weed company is having trouble with product distribution. At least one dispensary isn’t keen on a product called Napalm at a time when anti-Asian hate crimes are on the rise.

Isn’t all weed like napalm? Try and get that stink off you.

Bill Murray Was Tricked Into Ghostbusters 2

During an interview at the Santa Monica International Film Festival, Bill Murray says he was bait and switched, and enticed into signing on for Ghost Busters 2 under false pretenses. He says when he showed up for filming, the story had changed.

Yeah, Vigo the Carpathian is dumb, but I’m sure the other idea sucked too Bill

Luis Vuitton Airplane Bag Costs More Than an Airplane

The $39,000 bag comes complete with little jet engine bags. A twitter user pointed out that you can buy a real plane for less.

Yes its expensive, but the pockets, my god the pockets!!!

It’s Thandiwe Newton not Thandie

Ms. Newton is reclaiming her name. In an interview with Vogue, she said people have been misspelling her name since 1991.

Way to go, Thandiwe! Just be aware, some people can’t even pronounce Lena Dunham.

Thank God! Kim Kardashian is Finally Billionaire!

Now people can finally stop saying she’s “famous for nothing” and we start saying she’s “famous for being a billionaire”.

Neuralink Says They Have the Technology to Build a Real Life Jurassic Park

“We could probably build Jurassic Park if we wanted to. Wouldn’t be genetically authentic dinosaurs but [shrugging emoji]. Maybe 15 years of breeding + engineering to get super exotic novel species.”

It worked out so well in the movies, let’s give it a go!!

VIRAL VIRAL

Mrs. Sri Lanka Got De-crowned By Former Mrs. Sri Lanka Seconds After Her Win

The woman who won the Mrs. Sri Lanka pageant did not get to celebrate because seconds after she was crowned, the former winner stormed the stage and took the crown off. It seems there was some concern over her eligibility as a divorced woman.

Shit gets really weird in Sri Lanka.

STUDIES, SURVEYS, RANKINGS

Health Experts Have to Remind Idiots Not to Skip Their 2nd Vaccine Dose

Make it over a year of lockdown and quit half way through your vaccine schedule. If you know you’re this lazy, just get Johnson and Johnson!