Before the criminal trial has even started, the city of Minneapolis has agreed to pay George Floyd’s family $27 million dollars.

Glad to see in Minneapolis, a black life matters to the tune of $27 mill..

Read more at buzzfeed.

Hope its the anal swab test.

Read more at washingtonpost.

Nebraska Governor Pete Rickets said “So this is a dangerous drug that will impact our kids. If you legalize marijuana, you’re gonna kill your kids. That’s what the data shows from around the country.”
Oh dude, the truth is, living in Nebraska is a lot more likely to damage your kids than a little reefer.

Read more at boingboing.

Gov. Pete Ricketts (R-NE): “If you legalize marijuana, you’re gonna kill your kids.” pic.twitter.com/Un9DN2yhtT

— The Recount (@therecount) March 12, 2021

Tucker Carlson is outraged about something new. This time, its’ maternity flight suits, and he ranted about how the US military is going to be a mockery because its not manly enough. A pentagon spokesperson called Carlson’s remarks repulsive and said “what we absolutely won’t do is take personnel advice from a talk show host or the Chinese military.”

Do you even have a mother tucker?

Read more at CBS News.

Tucker Carlson accuses Joe Biden of trying to feminize the military, argues China is ramping up it's military masculinity. pic.twitter.com/8lDKEPyws6

— nikki mccann ramírez (@NikkiMcR) March 10, 2021

This dude got caught making the worst possible statements on a hot mic at a high school basketball game. He’s apologized for saying “They’re kneeling? Fucking ni***rs. I hope Norman gets their ass kicked. Fuck them. I hope they lose. They’re gonna kneel like that?” He blamed the outburst on diabetes. He says his sugar was spiking and it left him disoriented.

Who knew? With one blood sugar monitor we could have virtually eliminated the KKK!

Read more at CNN

Minor League Baseball is testing Automatic Ball-Strike System” (ABS) to assist human umps.

We have fake fans in the stands, robot umps, and hopefully coming soon robot players. No, make that robot dog players.

Read more at gizmodo.

Normally Gutfeld just p’s us off.

Greg is joining the Pee Party movement pic.twitter.com/YiMJEiSI7Y

— aliciasadowski (@aliciasadowski6) March 12, 2021

Theranos Founder Lizzy Holmes would really like to put off her criminal trial because she says she’s pregnant and the baby is coincidentally due right when the trial is set to begin.

Do we even believe anything from this chick? Does that stupid box of hers test for pregnancy?

Read more at CNN

Vanity Fair says Armie Hammer’s dad, Michael, used to have a chair he called the “naugty chair.” The chair had a hole in the seat, a cage underneath, and a hook, and there’s a photo somewhere that shows Michael sits atop the throne grinning while holding the head of a blonde woman, sitting in the cage and also smiling.

Who would have guessed Armie hammer was the white sheep of the family.

Read more at vanityfair.

JLo and Arod broke up after he was allegedly getting a little too close to reality star Madison LeCroy. It may not be the best reason, but any reason to break up with Arod is a good one.

Wait J-Lo and Kim K are both single??? Turns out 2021 is hot girl summer.

Read more at tmz.

Which one of Doris Day’s four husbands was the one who was an experimental physicist??

Read more at variety.

Tim Pool faces allegations that he held his business partner’s Cat hostage.

This should also make him a prime suspect for the Lady Gaga dog napping.

Read more at thedailybeast.

Chill without alcohol? Gizmodo says Pepsi’s new Driftwell seltzer, designed to help you de-stress, tastes like soap.

Does anyone drink Red Bull cause it tastes good? Or whisky?

Read more at gizmodo.

Salt Bae went viral feeding his meat to a very eager customer in his Boston restaurant. What’s the grossest thing about this video? The hacky sexual feeding? The irritated boyfriend? No. It’s ole covid elbow’s. You’ve heard there’s a pandemic right?

i waited my whole life for this moment 😂😍 pic.twitter.com/5DAL6VKJnZ

— 👸🏽🥀🔥 (@YouAdoreeShay) March 12, 2021

Salt bae…..really bruh?? pic.twitter.com/NXxw1HXz7H

— Danny Hughes (@dthmath) March 12, 2021

The downside is everyone thas to wear a luchador mask.

Professional wrestlers enforce the face mask rule at the Central de Abastos market in Mexico City. pic.twitter.com/1BDljcv953

— SBS News (@SBSNews) March 12, 2021

If there are no Billy Mays products on this list than this is totally bullshit.

Read more at buzzfeed.