Kellyanne Conway announced Sunday evening she’ll be leaving her position at the White House to focus on family. Her husband George Conway will be leaving The Lincoln Project, siting the same reason.

No matter what you’re going through remember what you still have in common… umm, not sure what that is. But surely there’s something!!

Read more at cnn.

NASA said that an asteroid that’s 6.5 feet in diameter is on a trajectory to hit the U.S. one day before the election. Officials say that there’s a 1% chance that it will hit somewhere in the country with 3 possible points of impact. Looks like Aerosmith’s ‘I Don’t Want A Miss A Thing’ is going to make a comeback.

Read more at tmz.com.

Maybe we can make an SOS intergalactic smoke signal?

Via mashable.

As the sun set yesterday, #GOESWest saw fires ignite and burn across the state of #California. The #CaliforniaWildfires recently intensified with the #LNUcomplexfire, which burned over 335 sq. miles in three days; currently, it is at 0% containment. pic.twitter.com/7Bh9aA9JSu

— NOAA Satellites (@NOAASatellites) August 21, 2020

Cam Girls! CamSoda are pop up pod workspaces that are socially distant and compliant with Covid safety recommendations, so that cam girls can keep doing their thing.

Weird that we all enjoy a sci-fi dystopian future movie but it’s not all that fun living it.

Read more at nypost.com.

A Florida man was arrested after he tried to cash in one of the 13 lottery tickets at the same store where he stole them. The winning ticket was worth $30. He was hoping to use the money to buy some lottery tickets.

Read more at yahoo.com.

Jerry Falwell Jr. has come out to say his wife had an affair with a young pool boy who they were in business together with. The pool boy’s been blackmailing them to stay quiet about the situation. This sounds very much like a Porn Hub scene.

Read more at theweek.com.

Reports are differing on whether Kim Jong Un is either in a coma or already dead in North Korea. Sources are saying that a lot of the countries power has been transferred already to his sister. Hope she hasn’t heard Trump’s grab em by the pussy remarks.

Read more at nypost.com.

Just another great 2020 event. Nothing to see here.

The LNU Lightning Complex Fire caused the skies to turn orange above Davenport, California.

The fire has burned more than 124,000 acres and destroyed at least 105 structures, as dozens of fires continue to burn in California. https://t.co/Wueu3yeUNf pic.twitter.com/MQh5DvFMfV

— ABC News (@ABC) August 21, 2020

Big Dave Letterman is the co owner of the car that won the Indy 500. Hey Leno you are supposed to be the car guy right?

How’s Dave’s ass taste ?

Read more at indystar.com.

Congratulations to the @RLLracing and @TakumaSatoRacer!

Team owners David Letternab and @BobRahal celebrate in victory lane!#Indy500 | @GainbridgeLife pic.twitter.com/NXUxt8IKaG

— Indianapolis Motor Speedway (@IMS) August 23, 2020

77 NFL players from teams across the league were hit with false positive Covid tests all coming from the same lab in New Jersey. At least Goodell is saying they were false positives.

Read more at espn.com.

The Miami Dolphins and Hurricanes home games will allow 13,000 fans to attend their home games at Hard Rock Stadium this season. Everyone is required to wear a mask, practice social distancing, and all transactions will be done through a cashless app. Dolphins football will still continue to be mediocre.

Read more at outkick.com.

Danbury Mayor named a Sewage Plant after funnyman John Oliver because like the plant, Oliver is “full of shit”. Burn. John ya roasted.

Obviously this is the end of it and won’t become a running bit.

Read more at deadline.com.

Jerry wrote an op-ed piece for the New York Times letting everyone bitching about NYC being dead that it isn’t. He most likely wrote this from the Hamptons.

Read more at nytimes.com.

The American Civil Liberties Union has offered their services to help Britney Spears after a judge ruled that Jamie Spears will continue as her sole conservator for another six months. It’s becoming a real life reboot of Legally Blonde.

Read more at pagesix.com.

John Ridley, the Oscar-winning writer of 12 Years A Slave, is writing a 4 part DC Comic that has ‘better than a 47% chance’ that his Batman will be Black. There’s also a 100% chance that he’s going to have a much cooler Batmobile.

Read more at tmz.

The Stones will be opening their first retail store in London’s SoHo district this fall. It will feature apparel, accessories, rock-based paraphernalia and special glassware. Replicas of coke spoons and syringes from the 1970s are not included.

Read more at forbes.

An Arizona jogger thought it would be a good idea to put out raging wildfires with his Nikes. Of course, his soles melted. He would’ve had better luck using Converse.

Read more at tmz.com.

Well this is a new one! A jogger tried to put out a brush fire with his tennis shoes near Phoenix. 😳 🔥#azfamily #azfire @chopperguyhd pic.twitter.com/AGgckgV2v4

— Ian Schwartz (@SchwartzTV) August 21, 2020

This takes things to a weird angle. When upside down bats are filmed to look right side up, reality melts.
It’s suddenly a disco after the alien take over.

Way more interesting than the Batman trailer.

pic.twitter.com/J3IFxT2HyP

— the dumpster (@thedumpster4) August 22, 2020

But just because you can, doesn’t mean you should.

Via digg.

Enough with the silly pandemic hoarding folks. We are on our way back. This is Trump’s America

# Make America Great Again, again.

Read more at wsj.com.

A top human fighter pilot got his ass handed to him while trying to fight against an AI program in a military exercise. This is SkyNet’s first step to domination.

Read more at breakingdefense.com.

The wildfires raging in California are now bigger than the entire state of Rhode Island. It’s sounds like a really big fire until you remember that Rhode Island is a very little state.

“It’s so small, they recently had the whole country carpeted.”

Read more at abc7news.com.

Say what you want about Steve Bannon but admit that the fat bastard is endlessly entertaining.

You know, like Doctor Evil funny.

Folks, this really happened. pic.twitter.com/EviEJCGvs7

— John Whitehouse (@existentialfish) August 21, 2020

This is all us, seconds before our zoom meeting connects.

Sen. Tom Carper dropping some f bombs, apparently because his computer was muted: pic.twitter.com/uARqNK6IQ5

— Matt Shuham (@mattshuham) August 21, 2020

Russia’s announced they’ve developed a second Covid vaccine that has less side effects than the first one they said they made. So the first one is just going to turn Putin into a lizard person.

Read more at dailymail.co.uk.

Mary Trump revealed she has secret records where Donald Trump’s sister calls him a liar and says he “has No Principles”

This is going to make for an awkward Thanksgiving.

Read more at washingtonpost.com.

Melania debuted her remake of the White House Rose Garden and the internet is furious. Look, she does a great job with Christmas every year, get off her back.

Read more at mediaite.com.

Excited to honor history & celebrate the future in our beautiful @WhiteHouse Rose Garden this evening. Thank you to all who helped renew this iconic & truly gorgeous space. pic.twitter.com/ggiqLkdGbw

— Melania Trump (@FLOTUS) August 22, 2020

Claudia Conway tweeted that she’s officially pushing to be emancipated from her parents Kellyanne and George Conway. She needs to get an Obama face tattoo to speed up the process.

Read more at tmz.com.

Las Vegas Raiders owner Mark Davis opened the team’s new 1.9 billion dollar stadium with, ‘Greetings. Welcome to the Death Star, where our opponent’s dreams come to die’. Will someone tell him that the Imperial Forces were the losing side?!?

Read more at tmz.com.

We're home. @AllegiantStadm I #RaiderNation pic.twitter.com/B8ibNNjO1p

— Las Vegas Raiders (@Raiders) August 21, 2020

Let’s hope it’s Borat 2: Borat Gets Woke.

Just saw a live shooting of Borat driving some yellow hooptie truck in my hood!!! 😂🙌🏾…. pic.twitter.com/NSDmrKgPPe

— Switzon S. Wigfall, III (SSWIII) (@switzonthegreat) August 17, 2020

A New York woman who visited Ron Jeremy’s apartment said she was so horrified by what she saw that she took photos. And now you can see them too.

If you didn’t catch herpes from Ron Jeremy’s dick, you’ll catch it by stepping foot in his home.
Read more at dailymail.co.uk.

Photos of ex-porn star Ron Jeremy's filthy Hollywood apartment | Daily Mail Online https://t.co/O4kmFQHF4b

— Michael Santomauro (@Santomauro) August 24, 2020

Well it’s time to start the Rick Springfield is a vampire conspiracies. He looks the same as as he did in 1981.

I wanna tell him I love him but the point is probably moot.

Don’t worry Smash Mouth, you’ll get em this year.

Read more at billboard.com.

You better whip up a spell for this one because not even Piper could middle child fix this one.

Read more at etcanada.com.

1916 Woodrow Wilson (D) signs law establishing the National Park Service. #DemocratsHelpPeople

— Alyssa Milano (@Alyssa_Milano) August 21, 2020

1) You stole #metoo (a brilliant communication tool, not a movement) from Tarana. You co-opted my movement, the Cultural Reset, for fame, jealous of me for outing my rapist. You made 250k per week on Charmed. (Con’t) pic.twitter.com/d9HmnJEYXM

— Rose McGowan (@rosemcgowan) August 22, 2020

2) You threw a fit in front of the crew, yelling, ‘They don’t pay me enough to do this shit!’ Appalling behavior on the daily. I cried every time we got renewed because you made that set toxic AF. Now, get off my coattails you fucking fraud.

— Rose McGowan (@rosemcgowan) August 22, 2020

3) https://t.co/qYURWdf9nm

— Rose McGowan (@rosemcgowan) August 22, 2020

Reality star Scheana Shay said that she was in a ‘throuple’ with John Mayer and The Hills star Stacie Adams for 6 months in 2008. Shay claims the musician met her when she was a bartender in Beverly Hills and invited her then-roommate Adams, to join the fun. The relationship ended when Mayer started paying more attention to Adams and Shay got ‘a little jealous’. They should have tried throuples therapy.

Read more at yahoo.com.

If you love Batman movies but thought they should have been as creepy Se7en then you’ll love… THE Batman.

Read more at variety.com.

BTS’s new video Dynamite got over 100 million views on YouTube in its first 24 hours. breaking the previous record. Nothing can stop the K-Pop fans from taking over the world.

Read more at metro.co.uk.

When singer James Blunt was in college, he went on an all-meat diet to show up his vegan and vegetarian – and female- classmates. But instead of proving his point, he developed scurvy. Blunt learned that playing guitar and Vitamin C is critical in winning over the ladies.

Read more at nypost.com

George Karl ripped Mark Jackson on Twitter when the ABC broadcaster said it should be a ‘shared responsibility’ for Portland star Carmelo Anthony’s history of poor defense. Karl, who coached Anthony in Denver, asked Jackson, ‘How many all-star teams did you coach, Mark? How many Finals appearances? How many of my teams became dynasties right after I left?’ George, you were the losing coach for some of the biggest playoff losses in NBA history, you may want to dial it down.

Read more at yahoo.com.

Thanks to Deep Fakes we can see what would have happened if Neo took the Blue Pill. We’re living in terrifying times.

Via digg.

You wasted money on college. This is all you ever needed.

Via digg.com.

What simple “life hack” should everyone know? from r/AskReddit

Nandi Bushell is back and this time she’s covering Foo Fighters.

The kids are alright.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Nandi Bushell 🥁🎸🎤👧🏽❤️ (@nandi_bushell)

Yeah, nothing worse than that shabby old Grand Canyon! Just fill it up already ready.

Via digg.

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A post shared by Matt Shirley (@mattsurelee)