18 of the Hardest Hits From the Big Jay Oakerson Roast, And Who Said Them

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The Roast of Big was a perfect treat of Legion of Skanks fans and the growing legion of Jay fans. Roastmaster Luis J Gomez wrangles a dais of , Mark Normand, , , , , fellow Skank , the new boss , and LoS favorite guests  and Ari Shaffir, with a surprise drop in from Jay’s (legally not really ex yet) wife.

It was an above average roast, everyone had at more than a few great shots and even the non-comedians, normally the awkward, dragging, painful part of any roast, did remarkably well. Mark Normand and Mike Vecchione had the stand-out sets, though Harris Stanton defied the many pokes he took for being irrelevant as a comedian by coming out guns blazing with a tight six minutes full of hit after hit.

The sold out crowd was happy to don fingerless gloves and pack into both the upstairs and downstairs of The Creek and The Cave for the marathon three hour show. If you missed it, you can catch the full stream at anthonycumia.com.

Everyone involved, including Creek owner Rebecca Trent, Jay’s girlfriend Christine Evans, Kurt’s girlfriend Keren Margolis, even Joe DeRosa, who had to cancel due to filming commitments, got their fair share of abuse. Jay got skewered for everything from his fashion sense to his years of comedy obscurity to his recent fight with the owner of The Comic Strip. But it was Anthony Cumia who took some of the hardest hits that drew the biggest groans and cheers from the audience, while Ari Shaffir also took a lot of flack for calling out a person by name in his older special (that recently re-aired on Comedy Central).


Here are some of the sharpest barbs from the Roast

“Ari told me he lives by the phrase, “I felt sorry for myself for I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet and I mocked him on my comedy special” – Kurt Metzger

“Luis is a standup the way Anthony is a photographer for Ebony magazine” – Mike Vecchione

“Mark’s album is called ‘Still Got It’ Yeah, that’s the thing with herpes.” – Mike Vecchione

“Jay, you look like a depressed manatee humped Avril Lavigne” – Mike Vecchione

“Mike, you have the face of a cop and the body of a retired cop” – Dave Smith

“Jay, if your daughter grows up to be like you, at least she’ll have big tits” – Dave Smith

“I’m actually Colombian, which means our daughter is half Latina, half huge disappointment” – Carla

“Jay, what’s it like to have your wife write more jokes than you? Oh, I’ll just ask Rich [Vos]” – 

“Ari is like organic protein powder, hard to stomach and we’ve only heard about him because of Joe Rogan” – Mark Normand

“Jay’s act is like that guy on the subway who sits down and starts talking about dicks for 15 minutes. The only difference is the guy on the subway is going somewhere.” – Harris Stanton

“Luis calls his dick ‘Dave Smith’ because it also doesn’t work.” – Bonnie Mcfarlane

“Jay tackled his weight problem the same way Luis should’ve handled his girlfriend’s pregnancy- he used the stairs.” – Ari Shaffir

“Jay and Christine have these threesomes and you can tell from the girls they pick that they have the same type…2 diabetes.” – Ari Shaffir

“Jay looks like someone who just quickly put together a ferris wheel.” – Dan Soder

“Ari looks like if Joe Camel stopped smoking and just did mushrooms” – Dan Soder

“Christine doesn’t even like girls, she just brings in someone else to help distribute the weight evenly” – Luis J Gomez

“If I could take the comedic talent of Dave Smith and the work ethic of Luis J Gomez and put them both together, I’d have a mildly better opening act.” – Big Jay Oakerson

“Harris got a lot of money from the accident, along with Ardie and Tracy, probably because they looked at the plaintiff list and said, ‘Yeah, most of this money is coming back to Wal Mart, anyway. It’s almost above-ground pool season!’” – Big Jay Oakerson

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Amy E Hawthorne is a New York by way of LA comedy journalist and founder of ComedyGroupie.com. She's also a produced numerous stand-up shows, got a paycheck and a drinking problem from The Comedy Store and is convinced that the Big Avocado lobby are the ones who really pull the strings in this country.
Amy Hawthorne
Amy Hawthorne
Amy E Hawthorne is a New York by way of LA comedy journalist and founder of ComedyGroupie.com. She's also a produced numerous stand-up shows, got a paycheck and a drinking problem from The Comedy Store and is convinced that the Big Avocado lobby are the ones who really pull the strings in this country.