Mickey D’s temporarily closed all 850 Russian locations after Putin invaded Ukraine, and now the company has decided it would permanently leave the country.

Now how will Russians get their fat and salt?

Read more at BBC.

The President will meet with the families of the victims of the Buffalo Shooting on Tuesday.

This is what he’s best at. Mourning.

Read more at CNN

CNN’s Jim Acosta asked Dr. Fauci if he would want to stay at his post if Trump won in 2024 and Covid was still a concern. The nation’s head doc answered that he would quit.

Uh, yeah you won’t have to.

Read more at NY Post.

Twitter CEO Parag Agrawal defended Twitters handling of bots and Musk responded with a poop emoji.

Amber Heard said she didn’t do it .

Read more at NY Post

💩

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) May 16, 2022

Starbucks Will Pay Expenses For Employees That Have ot Travel for Legal Abortions

The Starbucks corporation said that if or when Roe vs Wade is overturned, it will pay travel and lodging expenses for employees that need to leave their state to get an abortion. They will do the same for any employees seeking gender affirming procedures. Amazon, Apple and Microsoft have already made similar statements.

They can’t get your name on the cup right, I don’t see how they’ll pull this off.

Read more at CNBC

Legendary wrestler Ric Flair will step into the ring again to perform one last match this July at the Nashville Fairgrounds. The match will stream live on FITE TV.

Woo!

Read more at ESPN

After word came that NBC will not be keeping Drew Brees in their broadcast staff, Brees tweeted that he’s keeping his options open. He may train for a pickleball tour, play golf, coach his kids, or he may even play football again.

You had no arm left when you were still playing, that’s why you left.

Despite speculation from media about my future this fall, I’m currently undecided. I may work for NBC, I may play football again, I may focus on business and philanthropy, I may train for the pickleball tour, senior golf tour, coach my kids or all of the above. I’ll let you know

— Drew Brees (@drewbrees) May 15, 2022

Got a feeling general booty is going to get it kicked.

New Home! #BoomerSooner @OU_Football @CoachVenables @Coach_Leb pic.twitter.com/GUxDDoNI0T

— General Booty (@Generalbooty10) May 14, 2022

Variety reports that Brady is set to be the first subject of what will be a planned series of new Netflix comedy specials called “Greatest Roasts of All Time” or “GROAT.” Brady will serve as an executive producer on his own and future roasts.

EP of your own Roast? I guess they’ll be making fun of his beautiful wife, fat bank account and super bowl rings.

Read more at Variety

It’s been three years since we got new episodes of Black Mirror, but now word comes that the show is returning for a sixth season. Each installment will be treated almost like a mini movie, according to sources.

Great! Just what we need, more reminders of how dark and shitty this world is getting.

Read more at variety.
https://variety.com/2022/tv/global/black-mirror-season-6-netflix-1235266891/

Heard claims she didn’t shit in Johnny Depp’s sheets, it was his Yorkshire Terrier responsible for the pile of shit.

Don’t you think it’s too late to make this claim?

Read more at TMZ.

The comedian was on stage in London and joked, “Believe all women, believe all women…except Amber Heard,” adding, “What the fuck is she on? She shit in his bed! She’s fine, but she’s not shitting fine. She shit in his bed. Once you shit in someone’s bed, you just guilty of everything. … What the fuck is going on there? Wow. And they had a relationship after that. It must be amazing pussy. … I’ve been with some crazy bitches but goddammit.”

And a Johnny deep slap is coming in 3…2…

Read more at Indiewire

A judge decided Stephen Walter will spend 17 and a half years behind bars for his role in distributing the fentanyl that resulted in Mac Miller’s Death in 2018.

Doesn’t he get time off for all the people he sold drugs to who didn’t die?

Read more at TMZ

The Voice announced on Twitter that next year’s judges will include Blake Shelton, John Legend, Gwen Stefani and Camila Cabello.

Great news, she can wear the same wardrobe.

Read more at CNN

After Pearl Jam’s drummer testified positive for Covid, an 18 year old fan saved the show by filling in. Kai Neukerman saved the show after he reached out to Vedder through Eddie’s daughter Oliva who he met years ago. Vedder asked for a tape and within hours he was at the stadium rehearsing.

Wasn’t this the screenplay for Steel Panther?

Mike Tyson should watch this when he realizes he’s trapped himself in a Penn.

Very clever escape artist…🐕🐾🚧🤯😅 pic.twitter.com/ExDMpedjDr

— 𝕐o̴g̴ (@Yoda4ever) May 14, 2022

Everyone’s laughing at a dad who showed his daughter a hack he learned from the internet on how to put on a bra.

Dude, someone else should be doing this.

Read more at ny post.

A new poll from NBC News/Hart Research Associates/Public Opinion Strategies found that while 55 percent of those surveyed want the party to continue to be led by Trump, a full 43 percent said it’s time to move on and get new leaders.

So do 100% of Democrats

Read more at Mediaite