SATURDAY 5.23

NEWS STORIES

Secret Lockdown Parties Popping Up All Over NYC

Take-out only spots in SoHo and the East Village are being used as fronts for secret lockdown parties. According to reports, tequila shots, dry martinis, coke and katamine are available and it’s all cash only. It’s official – The Roaring Twenties are back!

Party Might Be Over For Instagram DJs

The popular DJ sets on Instagram Live – which has attracted celebrities and virtual partygoers worldwide – may quickly be coming to an end. Instagram has been flagging shows for violating the condition in which users can only play short clips of songs. Even online there’s always a snitch breaking up the cool party.

50 % Of Fox Viewers Think Bill Gates Wants To Put a Microchip in Them

Just insert your own idiocracy Joke Here.

SPORTS

Patrick Ewing has Coronavirus

Patrick Ewing is know as as a great basketball player but no one ever said he was a great hand washer.

Finally an excuse for never winning a championship.

ENTERTAINMENT

Kelly Ripa Has Been Hiding Out in the Caribbean since March

Kelly Ripa was on vacation somewhere in the Caribbean when the the world changed. ‘We decided to stay where we were’ she said, but she never told her daytime audience.

No clues on her instagram either #wealthshame

Is John Krasinski a Creep for Cashing in on ‘Some Good News’

John Krasinski won the hearts of all when he claimed he ‘Some Good News’ to keep us warm during quarantine. Now he’s getting called sellout for getting fat cash from CBS

John announces a charity in 3…2…1…

New ABBA Music Coming This Year

ABBA’s Björn Ulvaeus said that new music from the Swedish supergroup will be released later this year. ABBA previously announced in 2018 that they were going to release two songs – ‘I Still Have Faith In You’ and ‘Don’t Shut Me Down’ – but it never materialized. It’s unclear that will be part of the release or newly recorded songs will make the cut. Reps for the band refused to comment on a report that ABBA is writing new material for the movie ‘Mamma Mia: Beating A Dead Horse.

GOING VIRAL

‘Take On Me’ On The Washing Machine!

We’re talking away
I don’t know what I’m to say
I’ll say it anyway
Today’s another day to find you
Shying away
I’ll be coming for your love, okay?
Take on me (Take on me)

Via digg.

@kurtschneiderEh, the clothes will probably be fine for another week.. @electricjason ##takeonme ##washingmachine

♬ original sound – kurtschneider

Eleanor Rigby As Horror Music

It’s a slight change in pitch in ‘Eleanor Rigby’ by The Beatles, it sounds like the theme to a horror movie. If you did the same to ‘Tomorrow Never Knows, it sounds like every conversation that you have after consuming edibles.