President Biden had a rough trip up the stars to Airforce One today. More like three rough trips.

Looks like Joe’s up to his old Delaware tricks, acting like he’s getting hurt so he can sue the guv’mint. I know a slip n fall when I see one.

Read more at nypost.com

President Joe Biden trips climbing the stairs to Air Force 1 pic.twitter.com/x8UD7q0a48

— The Hill (@thehill) March 19, 2021

A healthcare worker whose lungs were badly damaged by Covid needed a transplant and got herself a pair of lungs from another patient who had survived Covid, and then soon after died of unrelated causes.

I’d give these lungs two weeks tops. This is like buying bald tires for your car.

Read more at thedailybeast.

RTD Canned cocktails, yes

Home delivery absolutely

Reducing carbs, yes please

Canned gin and tonic to go… yes.

Now all you need is Celeb spokesperson BaCardi B on this.

Read more at insidehook.

The makers of Monopoly decided that the old Community Chest and Chance cards were out of date, so instead of getting $15 for winning a beauty pageant, you’ll get it for something that actually makes sense in modern society. But the fearful people are angry saying that toys are going too woke.

What’s wrong with an update.

How bout we turn the thimble into a bitcoin. And maybe modernize that jailbird while we’re at it.

Read more at msn.com

Currently you have to be over 13 to use Instagram.

Hell YEAH said Woody Allen.

Read more at TheVerge.

It’s 2021. We’re kind of focused on a global pandemic and coming to terms with systemic racism. Nobody has time for this square shit.

Read more at thedailybeast.

Yes you can now get fired for saying shitty things in a group chat, if you are in that group chat as part of your work.

What kind of men use group chat?

Read more at jezebel.

This is more exciting than 95% of the UFC fights.

Read more at CBS Sports.

Julija Stoliarenko just fainted on the scale #UFCVegas22 pic.twitter.com/3PjNMUGxFf

— The Schmo (@TheSchmo312) March 19, 2021

Michelle Mootready has been stalking Pete for weeks, even months, sending him lots of gifts. When she showed up at his house, she said Pete asked her to come, and then she told cops she has a telepathic connection with him.

Michelle, this clearly isn’t working out. But since you love Staten Island and comedians so much, why not take a run at Mike Bocchetti, he’s single.

Read more at pagesix.

Stevie Nicks is not interested in giving Doggface the rights to use the Fleetwood Mac song he made famous again. He wants to include it in an NFT of his tweet that he’s auctioning next week. He offered Nicks half of his proceeds if she’d say yes.

Nothing here on permission from Ocean Spray? Did you offer them half?

Read more at complex.

Sting gave the Jeopardy theme song a makeover and some lyrics.

This is the best song he’s made since 1983.

Read more at decider.

In a new Vanity Fair piece, Sharon Stone shares tha her “brave” and infamous scene where she flashes her pantiless crotch was not consensual. She says she was told by the team that she needed to remove her underwear because it was causing the light to reflect. On another film set she also says she was asked to fuck a co-star to help with the chemistry. She declined, and also declined to name said co-star.

Why dont you just admit that it was Robert Evans?

Read more at vanityfair.

If the script isn’t ready in the next 5 minutes… JUST WAIT LONGER.

Read more at collider.

You know that ranch where Dr. Phil Sends Troubled Teens? Bad.

When it comes to TV doctors you’re better of seeking advice from Doogie Houser than Dr. Phil.

Read more at newsweek.

Susanne Summers, who is 74, says that she and her even older hubby Alan Hammel have sex every day, at least three times before noon.

How do they it?! Well, old people wake up really goddamn early.And the thighmaster. Never forget the thighmaster.

Read more at pagesix.

After the Grammys some people called Bill Burr a racist, and some agreed.. Then others showed a photo of his wife, who is black, and said he can’t be a racist. A lot of people agreed with that. And then this dummy came along, and posted this…and nobody agreed.

While all racists are assholes, not every asshole is a racist.

Bitch, shut the fuck up. https://t.co/AL06vVKP1X

— Nia Renée Hill (@niasalterego) March 15, 2021

Honestly, kitty cat face filter would have been more acceptable and professional than this.

.@GovWhitmer has appointed Cori E. Barkman to the 29th Circuit Court, of Clinton and Gratiot Counties. Ms. Barkman is a graduate of @_WayneLaw. pic.twitter.com/lBgNgP88mv

— MI Supreme Court (@MISupremeCourt) March 19, 2021

A roving station of mars candies rolls around stores trying to nudge customers into buying more m&ms.

So this is why we invent robots? And where was he when that UFC fighter could have used one of these.

Read more at gizmodo.

everything

everything

everything

everything