You have three choices: Applebee’s, Cheesecake Factory, Red Lobster, or Olive Garden

No no no stop! Don’t hang yourself! This is just a sick, twisted hypothetical… you can’t deny those Red Lobster Cheddar Bay Biscuits though.

You gotta choose one for your birthday dinner. Which are you going with? pic.twitter.com/2nPRXTQEcB

— 𝚁𝚢𝚊𝚗 𝙺. 𝚂𝚖𝚒𝚝𝚑 (@MeWeFree_) September 6, 2020

It was fucking hot this weekend, and Southern California broke the record for highest recorded temperature for the date, at 121 Degrees

We get it, Earth. You don’t want us here.

Read more at nytimes.

City Lab is reporting “Overdose deaths are surging during the pandemic, but proposals to prevent fatalities through supervised drug use are facing new obstacles. ”

Here’s a tip. Stay awake.

Read more at bloomberg.

2020 is full of scary things, but Covid-19 is at the top of the list.

Dear god, if anything good can come of 2020 being canceled, it would not seeing anyone in this costume.

Read more at slate.

MarioKart fans are not going to be able to race a toy MarioKart around a course in their home.

This makes Rainbow Road look like shit.

Well they’ve been calling themselves ‘the pickers’ to fool us into believing they like the banjo but the real name was revealed.

Can we all agree that the Washington Football team doesn’t have the worst name?

Read more at tmz.

The Robstown Cotton Pickers come out before their season opener against London tonight.@kiii3sports #3SportsBlitz #txhsfb pic.twitter.com/5iCJHd6Fny

— Chris Thomasson – KIII Sports (@ChrisThomasson7) September 5, 2020

To explain this to Gen Xers, Lou Brock was Ricky Henderson before there was a Ricky Hendersons.

To millennials, there is no one you know that compares.

Read more at nypost.

Soap opera budgets must be in the gutter.

Via digg.

@cristinafuentes128

The show must go on 🤣🤣🤣 ##covid ##lmfao ##dying ##makeitwork ##theboldandthebeautiful ##mannequin ##trynottolaugh ##safetyfirst

♬ Happy Laughing – Sound Effect

Pam Anderson claimed that she said that she was never married to Jon Peters and that it was all ‘just a bizarre theatrical lunch’. Would that make her marriage to Tommy Lee a lost weekend?

Read more at toofab.

Robert Downey, Jr shot down the rumor that he’ll be appearing in the upcoming Black Widow movie, saying he’s ‘all done’ with the MCU. He’s hard at work trying to make Doolittle a movie franchise.

Read more at nme.

After Congressman Matt Gaetz said that Charlie Sheen carried Two And A Half Men, Cryer responded, noting that he won an Emmy a year after Sheen’s departure. Sorry, Jon, we only remember ‘tiger blood’, nothing else.

Read more at yahoo.

Yeah, masks are weird and annoying. I’d much rather show up at Walmart looking like Astronaut Jones.

this guy made a very interesting mask from r/nextfuckinglevel

It’s the mash up no one asked for but we got it anyway. Cardi B is sour of the Freddie Mercury for the Zoomer generation.

Variety did a ranking of the all time greatest live albums.

What’s a live concert??? Was that something back in days before Covid?

Read more at variety.com.

Google released the data but if we’re to believe them, the good folks in Nebraska said to hell with steaks and burgers this summer, let’s just grill up some peaches.

Read more at thedailymeal.com.

Hey if you think 90s Rock and your mind immediately goes to Smash Mouth, you are not going to like this list

Prejudice against fat singers.

Read more at ultimateclassicrock.