The last president that SNL could pull off a decent impression of was George. W. Bush. George W. broke the Trumpies hearts when he called and congratulated Biden and said the election was ‘fundamentally fair’ and ‘its outcome is clear.’

Then he painted cats playing with yarn.

Read more at cnn.com.

Pfizer’s announced they’ve developed a vaccine that’s 90% effective and could be ready before the end of November. Finally, a new vaccine anti-vaxxers can be up in arms about. It’s been awhile.

Read more at reuters.com.

John Fithian, head of the National Association of Theatre Owners, says if Congress fails to pass the “Save Our Stages,” aid package, a wave of bankruptcies will follow for movie theaters and live performance theaters. The bill has bipartisan support but could be threatened by a lame duck period between now and the new administration.

Save our movie houses! Who knew we’d all miss sticky floors and overpriced popcorn this much?

Read more at variety.com.

UK defense chief General Nick Carter says we’re only about 10 to 20 years away from the UK having 30,000 robots fighting. Some will be autonomous, others human controlled remotely.

That sounds like it could be pretty intimidating but maybe they want to consider giving them a different accent??

Read more at gizmodo.com.

Tom Brady had the worst loss of his career against the Saints, losing 38 to 3. He may as well be a resident of Locktown at this point.

Read more at cbssports.com.

Saints coach Sean Payton cut the rug with players after they blew out the Bucs on Sunday night football. He plans to cut a trap song called ‘The Payton Slide’.

Read more at tmz.com.

Former NBA great Shawn Kemp said that while he thinks LeBron James is a great player, he’ll never be able to compare to Michael Jordan. Kemp said that the ‘only thing Michael Jordan ever did was win’, referring to the former Bulls 6-0 Finals record. The former Supersonic standout made the comments while smoking a joint, giving LeBron the old shake and baked.

Read more at pagesix.com.

Remember when it was the fun thing to join the horde of online trolls spouting Kristen Stewart hate? 180.
Now we all love her.

Do we know that she stinks at acting?

Read more at thedailybeast.

Kevin Bacon loves his hometown and has joined the chorus of people spouting Philly love.

Then why don’t you change your name to Keven Scrapple ?

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Kevin Bacon (@kevinbacon)

No one likes Alec Baldwin’s stupid lane Trump impression besides Alec Baldwin. He then conned entire country by acting like his impression won the election for Biden.

Didn’t you used to be a movie star?

Read more at vulture.

Eva Longoria spoke about how big a role Latina women had in getting Biden his victory and the internet did not take kindly to it. The only thing she could have said to get people more annoyed if she brought up LatinX.

Eva Longoria to @AriMelber on the impact of Latina women: “That spirit and perseverance that Latinas use in their daily life, the struggle to pay their bills and the struggle to show up to their jobs … that’s the same perseverance and spirit they used to show up to the polls,” pic.twitter.com/BiATbXbaeG

— MSNBC (@MSNBC) November 9, 2020

Sasha Baron Cohen Tweeted a photo of Donald Trump and Mark Zuckerberg out over the weekend with the caption “one down, one to go.”

Sasha, no one votes for Mark Zuckerberg. You sound like Borat right now.

Read more at dailystar.co.uk.

One down. One to go. pic.twitter.com/eQYi1pBqku

— Sacha Baron Cohen (@SachaBaronCohen) November 7, 2020

Pastor Kenneth Copeland addressed his people and couldn’t contain his psychotic laughter over Biden claiming he won the election. If the God thing doesn’t work out he just be cast in the next Cape Fear remake.

next year, somebody needs to go as Kenneth Copeland for Halloween cause i can’t think of anything creepier at the moment. pic.twitter.com/TANjkpnJjG

— Joseph Solomon (@whatisjoedoing) November 9, 2020

Christopher Guest, tell us you’re already writing the script.

Via digg.

I work at Four Seasons Total Landscaping in PA pic.twitter.com/cX6bIMkag8

— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) November 8, 2020

Amazon created an ad for Christmas that has everyone crying. It’s the story of a young ballet dancer who wins the coveted lead in a show only to lose it when the school closes, set to a brand new arrangement of Queen’s The Show Must Go On.

2020 has left us raw as hell. Don’t play with our emotions, Bezos.

Read more at adage.com.

everything

The election is done and it’s all over but the lawsuits. So stop acting like you would bone Steve Kornacki.
He’s the most popular nerd since that high school science geek that knew how to cook meth.

Read more at vox

Hershey Profits are up 33%. Seems like a pandemic and nerve racking election can give Americans quite the sweet tooth.

I’d pay 20 bucks for a Mr. Goodbar.

Read more at nypost.com.

This what it will be like discussing the President Elect with your drunk uncle at Thanksgiving.

press conference is going great 👍 pic.twitter.com/jxZJXzJPZ4

— chris (@MrTooDamnChris) November 7, 2020

Biden’s win means dogs in the White House again, including our first rescue dog.

No more killed like a dog, choked like a dog, or the always favorite Trumpism, fired like a dog.

Welcome Major and Champ. White House Staff is going to have to order some more dog food.

Read more at nbcnews.com.

#philly pic.twitter.com/ReEW7bu2x5

— John Foley (@2008Philz) November 7, 2020

Rumor is Melania is gonna cut ties to Trump soon as she can. Part of the post nup includes Barron’s floor of Trump Tower and all of his fidget spinners.

Read more at dailymail.com

Hey postal workers, hold on to this moment, it’s most likely that last time you’ll feel it.

Brooklyn and the USPS, cheering each other on. pic.twitter.com/RURUtadYEt

— Peter Kafka (@pkafka) November 7, 2020

People in Brooklyn going NUTS as a USPS truck drives by pic.twitter.com/nBgIADWZgz

— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) November 7, 2020

The Rev. Irvin Baxter passed away at the age of 75 due to covid complications. Back in March he suggested that Covid was a wake up call to sinners who committed the sin of premarital sex.

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down, he thought
“Well, isn’t this nice”
And isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?

Read more at nypost.

Mark Meadows, the White House Chief of Staff has tested positive for Covid. Meadows was last seen on election night sans mask during Trump’s speech in the middle of the night. Thankfully Trump already has antibodies so there’s nothing for anyone to worry about.

Read more at npr.

Often in trouble wide receiver Antonio Brown is back in the NFL today, expected to start for the Bucs. Now that he’s playing again he can use some of these game checks to find a one bedroom in St. Pete and finally move out of Tom Brady’s guest bedroom.

Read more at profootballtalk.com.

Jets players have alerted the NFLPA that their locker room is filled with hidden cameras in the smoke detectors. This is obviously Adam Gase running an Only Fans for some cash on the side.

Read more at nydailynews.com.

What could the Pats get for Belichick? Peter King thinks there’s something to the idea. A straight up swap for Adam Gase would be great for the Jets.

.@peter_king on the idea of the #Patriots trading Bill Belichick: “I don’t think it’s a dumb idea,” pic.twitter.com/ou87vxAQ6b

— Dov Kleiman (@NFL_DovKleiman) November 6, 2020

His dad and mom are fine human beings but this apple fell pretty far from the tree. He’s a weird
kid and oddly offensive.

Kinda cool that he can piss off both sides.

Chet is back at it again. pic.twitter.com/UrpAIS0nsH

— her name is cyn. (@cynfinite) November 7, 2020

Seems like JLaw forgot her Red State roots because she was a Trumper in 2016, but she’s all about slow Joe today.

Cuck Queen.

Read more at buzzfeed.com.

Had no choice but to throw a party for 1 #comeonbostonletsparty pic.twitter.com/qvSEVip0Mh

— Jennifer Lawrence – Represent.Us (@JLawrence_RepUs) November 7, 2020

Sooo, you didn’t vote for you husband then?

💙💙💙 pic.twitter.com/vz0wWY3zMS

— Kim Kardashian West (@KimKardashian) November 7, 2020

The important question now, who will be Kamala’s bag man??

Read more at pagesix.com.

“Madam Vice President” is no longer a fictional character. @KamalaHarris pic.twitter.com/rg1fErtHGX

— Julia Louis-Dreyfus (@OfficialJLD) November 7, 2020

Matthew Broderick said that he almost turned down the role in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off out of fear of being typecast. The actor said that all of best roles at that point had him speaking directly to the audience and he wanted to do something different. Broderick’s agent eventually talked him into it. Now he’s typecast as Sarah Jessica Parker’s husband.

Read more at dailymail.

Two hours after Miley Cyrus referenced ‘Party In The USA’ to congratulate Joe Biden, the song re-entered the Itunes Top 200 chart. Internet trolls tried to do the same with Beck’s ‘Loser’ but it didn’t have the same effect.

Read more at variety.

Now THIS is a PARTY IN THE USA! @JoeBiden @KamalaHarris 🇺🇸🎉 pic.twitter.com/zFKL1ncuSa

— Miley Ray Cyrus (@MileyCyrus) November 7, 2020

Hope everyone brought their own cup!

Spike Lee poppin bottles in Brooklyn is the biggest NY vibe since Biggie died. pic.twitter.com/nj0zLUlDMj

— Grande Capo (@VoLinxx) November 7, 2020

Even though they won’t start shooting until next year because of the pandemic, Donald Glover is already saying the upcoming seasons of Atlanta will be ‘some of the best television ever made’. Unless you wrote something better than the Teddy Perkins episode, keep your mouth shut.

Read more at people.com.

Village People Founder Victor Willis says he won’t pursue any legal action against the President for using YMCA because the song returned to both the Billboard and ITunes Charts. The singer added he’s not a supporter of the President and that he voted for Joe Biden. Willis is just sucking up to have ‘In The Navy’ became the Navy recruitment song.

Read more at tmz.

Bebe Rexha shut down speculation that she’s had plastic surgery by posting unfiltered photos showing off her curves. The pop singer said that while she has ‘stretch marks’, and ‘cellulite’, she’s ‘never done lipo’. Her single is going to be called ‘I’m Gonna Show You Crazy Stomach Rolls’.

Read more at pagesix.

Someone had to say it, pal. Did he stutter??

“How you doin pal” he wanted all the smoke LMAOO pic.twitter.com/f9lTgnlHTI

— Ariam (@iambrattyb) November 7, 2020

This is just going to make the French dislike us even more.

J'en chialle pic.twitter.com/e35nw2BQaa

— Pierre Le Texier (@pierre_lt) November 7, 2020

Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo
Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo
Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo
Baby shark!

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2020/nov/06/california-white-shark-population-rise

Things got tense at a McDonald’s drive-thru in in Toronto when a driver got into it with a Canadian Karen who was holding up the the line. Annoyed that being called Karen, she called the driver a ‘fat bitch’, gave him the finger and threatened to spit on him.
Employees offered free sundaes as a peace offering.

Read more at tmz.

@yofavblkguy

Toronto has Karen’s too!? @6ixbuzzent @realtorontonewz ##karen ##toronto ##karensgonewild ##6ixbuzz ##mcdonalds ##fyp ##foryoupage ##viral ##canada ##xyzbca

♬ original sound – SmoovAura

Well these young junior detectives really cracked the case except there isn’t even a case to crack

Still. I believe it.

Watch how fast a conspiracy is born during a protest at the Maricopa county election center. Some people are convinced news vans parked in media spots are sneaking in ballots. We tried to explain its just camera equipment. They weren’t having it. @NBCNews @MSNBC pic.twitter.com/jc32kNcXOa

— Gadi Schwartz (@GadiNBC) November 6, 2020

Wine companies reported sales spikes between 40 to 113% while Americans awaited the final election results. Red was preferred over white by a 3 to 1 margin. African-Americans sent Hennessy stock through the roof.

Read more at tmz.