South Beach Closed, Spring Break Is Over
Miami’s closing public beaches after 5pm starting this weekend to stop public congregations. If Girls Gone Wild still existed they’d be devastated.
Read more at tampabay.com.
Airline Passenger Makes Killer Joke About Coronavirus, Delays Flight Eight Hours
A man on an American Airlines flight joked about having the Coronavirus and ended up delaying the flight eight hours. He was eventually ejected from the plane. From now on no one should even ask for a Corona beer on a flight.
Read more at nypost.com.
NYC Ordering Restaurants And Bars To Go Takeout Only
NYC’s mayor has ordered all restaurants and bars, effective Tuesday, to only operate with takeout menus and if a bar doesn’t serve food, to close. Time to start hoarding booze, people.
Read more at nypost.com.
NFL Approves New CBA Deal
The players of the NFL narrowly approved a new deal that will create a 17 game season in years to come and this upcoming season will add teams to the playoffs. There will also be more revenue share with players and less marijuana testing.
Read more at usatoday.com.
These Are The Products No One Wants To Buy During the Coronavirus Outbreak
If you’re late to the prepping buying at the super market, you’ll have your choice of vegan food, Dasani water and chocolate hummus. Eat up!
Read more at slate.com.
Gun Sales Are Through The Roof
Gun sales are jumping and there are now lines out the door as if they were selling toilet paper and canned beans.
Big Brother Canada Contestants Confused As To Why There Was No Live Audience For Them
Big Brother Canada producers have yet to let the players know about the coronavirus and they were confused as to why there was no live audience. The next comp is going to have to deal with wiping down the house as fast as possible with Clorox wipes.
Forget Tom Brady Ryan Tannehill Staying With Titans
Who’s the G.O.A.T. Looks like it’s Ryan Tannehill. The Titans have blown off Tom Terrific to keep the guy they hired last year to be a back up.
Maybe Tom would work on MNF.
Read more at nydailynews.com.
New Yorkers Are Getting Creative Combating Coronavirus
This guy should be the new health inspector for NYC.
— GeeVee (@LBGEEVEE) March 14, 2020
NOLA Police Dropping The Hammer On Bourbon Street
The cops in New Orleans are doing their best to keep the drunks at home but what does this mean for the bead wholesalers?
— Brantly Keiek (@BrantlyWx) March 16, 2020
Bernie Calls YouTube “The YouTube”, Internet Has Big Laugh
Bernie isn’t helping himself calling YouTube “The YouTube”. But it’s great for some distracting memes so there’s that.
Read more at thehill.com.
Dakota Johnson’s Funky Cool Hollywood Home
Dakota Johnson has sweet hipster bamboo starter house and if you are really good, she will take you to the spanking room.
Jumping a Turnstile in These Strange Times
No one wants to pay for a train but you can’t be too clean in the era of sick.
Gotta disinfect the the turnstile before you hop it.
How to get arrested/fined:
Step 1: Film yourself committing a crime!
— Senator Bravo (@bravoneedsbacon) March 15, 2020