Friday January 29: Daily Links
FRIDAY 1.29
NEWS STORIES
Oh So That's Why There Were Wildfires? Secret Jewish Space Lasers?
There’s a long list of crazy coming from the direction of GOP Congressperson Marjorie Tayor Green, but this week everyone’s talking about her 2018 facebook post refusing to believe that California wildfires were natural. She thinks they were caused by a group of Jewish bankers via space lasers in connection with a high speed rail project.
Why stop there. Why not frikking sharks with laser beams? … Now who is the bozo who lost an election to her?
Snow Owl Hangs Out in Central Park
Everyone’s excited after a Snow Owl was photographed enjoying Central Park this week. It’s the first time anyone’s seen one in NYC in over a century.
Global warming is bringing some exotic animals into our neighborhood. We’re probably about 3 weeks away from getting a rhino in the ramble.
Yesterday's SNOWY OWL in the Central Park North Meadow, a once-in-a-lifetime sight. pic.twitter.com/SaCpWJbAIX
— Manhattan Bird Alert (@BirdCentralPark) January 28, 2021
AOC Doesn't Really Need Ted Cruz's Support
AOC and Ted Cruz ended up agreeing on this week’s Gamestop controversy but Cortez ended up replying to Cruz:
“I am happy to work with Republicans on this issue where there’s common ground, but you almost had me murdered 3 weeks ago so you can sit this one out,”
Boom, roasted.
QAnon Shaman Willing To Testify At Trump Impeachment
The lawyer for the QAnon shaman dude says his client is willing to testify during the impeachment trial. It is unknown whether he will be decked out in his furs and hat. It would be smart of him to do so.
Guy Actually Gets His Dick Hacked
A man got himself in a bit of a bind when his chastity cock cage got hacked and his dick went on lock down. Normally, his girlfriend controlled the device via an app but a hacker took over and demanded $1,000 ransome, to be paid in bitcoins, to free the man’s willy.
You know what they say, a bird in the cage is worth two plus some bitcoins. Or something like that.
New Mexico McDonalds on Lockdown, Helicopter Deployed After Man Didn’t Get Cheese on his Burger
We all know how gross a hamburger without cheese can be, particularly a McDonalds burger, so we all get why he’d be pissed when an Albuquerque man realized they forgot the cheese at a McDonalds drive through. But maybe pulling a gun on the worker is a little drastic.
It could be worse your dick could be trapped in cage.
SPORTS
Watch Jerry Rice Catch a 100 Yard Flying Burrito
While shooting an ad for food delivery service Postmates, 58 year old WR Jerry Rice caught a burrito shot 100 yards out of a cannon.
If you think that’s impressive wait until you see the burrito flying out of his ass.
Tony Romo Believes If Mahomes Can't Beat Brady This Time He'll Never Catch Up To Him
On a call leading up to the Super Bowl, Tony Romo called it a “legacy game” and believes if Mahomes can’t beat Brady here, he will never catch up to him. Thanks for the analysis, Tony, stick to incorrectly predicting draw plays.
Tony Romo, on the CBS media call, called SB55 a "legacy game" for both Brady and Mahomes. If Mahomes wins, he leaves the door open to one day catch Brady as the GOAT. If Brady wins, "he slams that door," Romo said.
— Lindsay Jones (@bylindsayhjones) January 28, 2021
CELEBS & ENTERTAINMENT
Mark Cuban's Kid Off to an Early Start
Mark Cuban’s 11 year old son got a taste for making mun-eeee after he invested a hundred bucks with r/wallstreetbets and made some short cash. And for that reason, I’m out.
Baby Shark do do do do do do do .
I got to say I LOVE LOVE what is going on with #wallstreetbets. All of those years of High Frequency Traders front running retail traders,now speed and density of information and retail trading is giving the little guy an edge. Even my 11 yr old traded w them and made $
— Mark Cuban (@mcuban) January 28, 2021
First images of K Stew as Princess Diana.
First images were released on Thursday of Kristen Stewart as Princess Diana for the upcoming movie, Spencer.
Wait is that Kristen Stewart or Rod Stewart?
Here's a first look at Kristen Stewart as Princess Diana in #Spencer, Pablo Larraín's imagining of the weekend Princess Diana decides to leave her marriage to Prince Charles. pic.twitter.com/LSn4C7cF0h
— IMDb (@IMDb) January 27, 2021
Wall Street Enrages Jon Stewart Enough for him to Join Twitter
After staying out of the muck this long, Jon Stewart aka StewBeef could stay away no longer. He needed to join Twitter, and get verified, just to talk about Wall Street.
Welcome, Jon! Unfortunately you just missed Donald Trump. He just left.
This is bullshit. The Redditors aren't cheating, they're joining a party Wall Street insiders have been enjoying for years. Don't shut them down…maybe sue them for copyright infringement instead!!
We've learned nothing from 2008.
Love
StewBeef— Jon Stewart (@jon_actual) January 28, 2021
Subway is Being Sued Once Again: Complaint Alleges No Actual Tuna in Their Tuna
First it was said there was plastic in the Subway rolls, then it was alleged that the bread was more cake than bread. Now a new lawsuit is complaining that lab tests show there is no actual tuna or seafood in the tuna salad– only a mix of ingredients that resemble tuna.
Easy fix. Just rename it the Squid and Chum Sub! No seafood at all in it? Okay then, the chicken-like-substance-of the sea?
Miley Cyrus Nails Her Cover of Already Perfect Song Fade in To You by Mazzy Star
Come for the sultry, whispery vocals you expect, stay for the signature Miley scream!
Armie Steps Down from Godfather Behind the Scene Series
With all the allegations of cannibalism and sexual freak, Armie Hammer is stepping away from a current project- the Godfather Behind the Scenes series.
To be honest all the blood in that film could have been a little too exciting for Armie.
TRENDING
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VIRAL VIRAL
Scottish Chick Makes Fun of Americans
A Scottish woman on tiktok has some serious questions about American Culture, asking things like, Why do American Schools have clubs for everything? And why do we write dates down month first? And why do prices not include tax?
Here’s a question for you. Why hasn’t Scotland ever won a fucking war?
@kirstyclyne genuine confusion ngl #fyp #scottish #america #scottishtiktok
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STUDIES, SURVEYS, RANKINGS
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