Friday February 19: Daily Links

Published by Interrobang Staff at February 19, 2021

THURSDAY 2.19

NEWS STORIES

Average American Life Span Takes a Leap Back

The CDC says that the American life expectancy has shortened by a year- the highest and fastest drop in life span since World War II.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking….

DeBlasio Says Entertainment is Back in NY, Internet Says F.U. Bill

Deblasio getting beat the fuck up on Twitter for announcing live entertainment is back. With street performers. Outside. In winter. Many are upset that the Mayor is touting the return of live entertainment while comedians, musicians, and other performers are still unable to earn a living, but the Mayor is proud that jugglers and street performers can provide some sort of weird diversion to freezing cold passersby.

Finally the clown has turned the city into a circus.

Simpsons Did It! Ted Cruz Edition

The headline has once again been ripped from the Simpsons. The Ted Cruz Cancun controversy bore a strange similarity to a Mayor Quimby based Simpsons plot.

You may not think it was always funny, but you have to hand it to the Simpson’s writers for being time travelers.

Add 12 Primates to the Texas Snowstorm Death Toll

And we don’t mean the Dallas Mavericks.

Then again, maybe these 12 primates traveled back in time to stop a pandemic. Call Brad Pitt.

60 Minutes Producer Says Ghislaine Admitted Epstein Had Tapes Of Clinton And Trump

Ira Rosen reveals in his new book in a conversation with Ghislaine Maxwell, she admitted that Epstein had tapes of Donald Trump and Bill Clinton having sex but she didn’t know where they were. The story is a part of Rosen’s new book, Ticking Clock: Behind the Scenes at 60 Minutes.

We gotta get that tape! Asking for a friend.

Ted Cruz Left His Dog At Home When He Went To Cancun

When Nice Guy Teddie ditched Texas, it seems he left his dog, Snowflake at home in Houston. No word on his pet hamster, Social Justice Warrior.

The Rock Will Need To Smackdown The Rich To Win Presidency

The Green Party says that if Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson is serious about running for President, he’ll have to stand up to billionaires and power elite within both parties. Party officials went on to say that if Johnson presents policies benefitting everyday people, he’ll be a viable third party candidate. Otherwise, he’ll just be a jabroni on the campaign trail.

SPORTS

The Weeknd Bought Himself A Customized Super Bowl Ring

The Weekend bought himself a customized Super Bowl ring to commemorate his halftime performance. It features a diamond cut representing The Lombardi Trophy, the Super Bowl logo, a football shaped stone and the final score.

The ring should have come with small silk bandages to wrap around its face.

Johnny Damon Busted For DUI

Johnny Damon was busted in Orlando for driving under the influence. The two-time World Series champion outfielder had a blood alcohol level of .20, which is more than twice the legal limit. Next time call Mickey, he’ll drive you home.

CELEBS & ENTERTAINMENT

Kim Kardashian and North West Play Dress Up

Kim Kardashian posted photos of North West playing dress up, except that its not the same type of dress up you remember from when you were 7. North’s dress up includes wardrobe and hair and make up professionals.

If North is this good at dress up, I think we can figure out how she “paints” so well.

Creepshow Execs Took Seconds to Decide to Dump Marilyn Manson Ep

Creepshow showrunner Greg Nicotero explained that there was zero hesitation in the decision to torch an unaired episode that includes a Marilyn Manson appearance in the wake of allegations.

When you’re too much of a creep to be on Creepshow, your career is toast. I hear Jackass 4 has an opening….

Rose McGowan Officially an Ex-Pat

No, she’s not an ex-fan of the New England Patriots, she left the country, and is a now a permanent resident of Mexico.

Say hi to Senator Cruz’s family when you get chance.

Peak Nostalgia Alert: McDonalds Style

An IG account called filming_in_mcdonaldland takes you back with behind the scenes images from the mcD ads of your youth.

Now a whole generation can stare at this and remember why they are fat.

https://www.instagram.com/filming_in_mcdonaldland/?utm_source=ig_embed

Prince Harry And Meghan Markle Really Are Out Of The Royal Family Now

Buckingham Palace announced that Harry and Meghan have agreed they will not be returning as working members of the Royal Family. So any native Brits can now apply for their open positions.

VIRAL VIRAL

Cadbury Catching Flack For New Same Sex Kiss Commercial

Cadbury’s new 50th Anniversary Creme Egg ad is under fire for what an online petition claims is ‘selling sex to children’. The commercial ends with two men passing candy to one another in their lips before breaking the egg and its creamy contents. Petitioners claim Cadbury is ‘seeking to hide under cover of LGBT rights’ by ‘exposing children to sexualized content’. What kids are thinking about making out after eating overpriced chocolate?!?

STUDIES, SURVEYS, RANKINGS

Scientists a Have Breakthrough Communicating with People While Their Actively Dreaming

International scientists have now achieved dialogue with lucid dreamers in a new study.

See if the scientists can ask them to explain the end of Inception!

One In Ten People Will Switch Careers Post Pandemic

Due to the after effects of Covid 19 on the economy, one out of ten people are going to have to change careers by 2030. Good news for those people, they’ll make great body batteries for our robot overlords.

53% Of People Kiss Their Dog More Than Their Partner

A survey of 20,000 pet owners revealed that 53% of those in a relationship kiss their dogs more than their partners. And 53% of dogs owned by humans are confused.