Experience the 9th Annual Patrice O’Neal Comedy Benefit Through Jeffrey Gurian’s Eyes
Photo credit @salacuse on Instagram/Matt Salacuse
Thanks to producer Maureen Taran and superstar Bill Burr the 9th Annual Patrice O’Neal Comedy Benefit went down on Tuesday the 18th at City Center on West 55th Street in Manhattan. And what a line-up it was! Three thousand people packed the place and when I got there they were all on lines that extended in both directions around the block, waiting in the cold.
Luckily I drove, so I waited in my car with the heat on until the lines started to move. While I was sitting there someone tapped on my window to say hello and with the mask I wasn’t sure who it was. Luckily it wasn’t a car jacking, but it turned out to be Steve Stevenson, one of the moderators of the Cult of Black Phillip Facebook group who stood in the cold and let me know when the lines started to move.It takes a long time to allow three thousand people to enter when you have to present proof of vaccination, one form of ID, and then checking your phone in one of those Yondr pouches.
I was alerted to the use of the Yondr bags in advance so I already knew I wouldn’t be able to take any photos during the show. I did come prepared with a little flashlight though so at least I could take notes. I assumed the theatre would be too dark to do so comfortably, but I got a great seat in like the fifth row right on the aisle where the light was amazing, so the flashlight was not necessary. But at least I planned ahead!
By the time I got in, Rich Vos the perennial host had already started the show and was bringing the heat, especially to his wife Bonnie about whom he jokingly says the most horrible things, at one point calling her “Stable-Face”. I don’t know if you’re allowed to compliment anyone anymore on their appearance, but Bonnie is so pretty and anything but “Stable-Face”, but fortunately she gives as good as she gets. She’s also one of the funniest comics on the planet. But it’s because of that dynamic that their podcast My Wife Hates Me is so successful. Rich did a mix of material and crowd work and kept things moving along during the two hour show. Not easy being the host of a big show.
First up was Matteo Lane who outs himself at every possible moment. He came out by saying, “Obviously I’m gay” and his approach is so refreshing and endearing like when he says to the audience, and I may be paraphrasing, … “I hope you’re not so woke that you act like you don’t hear my gay voice.” He also explained how the game Fortnite was gay and having a gay older brother. His set was interrupted at least three times with applause breaks, one of them for his amazing singing voice.
Just about everyone touched on Covid. Sherrod Small declared he had a Covid test and passed it with a 65! #hilarious And then he went on to describe the racial differences between different types of shooters, school shooters vs. drive-by shooters. You can guess the outcome! (LOL) He also did a great bit comparing Ted Bundy to Michael Jordan, and I love the way he thanks different segments of the audience for getting different jokes! It’s a Small World Production!
Mike Vecchione explained why the possibility of Covid blood clotting was actually a good thing! With the rise in crime he was hoping that this way if he got Covid and then got shot on the street he wouldn’t bleed out. In his case, since he described himself as looking like every cop who’s ever been in trouble on the news, it actually could be a good thing. He also did a great bit on mask wearers being grateful for being able to pass themselves off as “attractives” rather than the “uglies” they might be categorized as without a mask, and he described his recent Covid PCR test by a nurse wielding not a swab but a screwdriver! Mike btw, was the first comic I heard mention Patrice as he finished his set. I have to assume that Vos probably mentioned him when he opened the show before I got into the theatre but it was just something I noticed. No judgment!
Vos actually mentioned Patrice a lot during the show. He said that if it had been a benefit for HIM, Patrice MIGHT have done it, but only if he happened to be driving by, or if it was held in Brazil!
Yamaneika Saunders started out by chastising Vos for introducing her as Yamaneika Sanders instead of Saunders after he intro’d her by saying how long he knew her. She was like “15 years and you still call me Sanders?” She was wearing a skin-tight black leather outfit with an exposed midriff totally owning her power and strutted across the stage like Mick Jagger. Yammie was hilarious using the “N” word like there was gonna be a shortage. She’s so funny that she makes the “N” word tempting to use! (LOL) She told a hilarious story about Uber, and also mentioned that dating was tough because there’s like 11 women for every man so “ we gotta start killing bitches.” Sometimes the laughter was so loud I couldn’t hear what she was saying.
Sal Vulcano, master prankster, pranked the audience by announcing that in Patrice’s memory he was going to do some very edgy material, and instructed them that if they were offended they were free to leave. He then went on to question the importance of continental breakfasts, Radio Shack, and Family Feud. After each one he said to the audience, “ And if you have to leave just leave!” He also threw in the words “solush” instead of solution and “combinash” instead of combination!
Chris Distefano came out and said that Vos told him that Patrice would have hated him. He didn’t say why, just that he would have hated him. Chris’s wife is Puerto Rican and he says he has two little Puerto Rican daughters. He claims that Puerto Rican women should run the C.I.A. and that we should get them involved in relationships with suspected terrorists because no one goes through a phone like a Puerto Rican woman. Another premise that’s a comedy writer’s delight! Always great for me to see Chris cause I remember him when he was pretty new! We used to do the Gotham open mic together working out new material. (Tell me no!) Inside joke!!!
Chris was followed by Pete Davidson in full winter gear, with a black winter jacket, green hoodie and black knit hat. He got particularly huge applause when he came out and said he hadn’t done stand-up for 3 years. You couldn’t tell because he was so at home on stage. I’m guessing doing live TV every week for years does that. He said that if Patrice had been there, Patrice would have asked him why he was on his benefit. Pete said the best way to describe himself, because he gets asked that so much in interviews is, (and I’m paraphrasing) to picture yourself in a 7-Eleven and while you’re waiting in line to check out you see a big bin of reduced price DVD’s all for $2.99. You’re bored so you look through them and you see stuff like Predator 2 and Shrek Forever After, and then suddenly you spot a copy of Tropic Thunder, and you think to yourself wtf is that doing in there? That’s a classic film. It doesn’t belong in there with all that trash! And that’s me Pete Davidson. I’m Tropic Thunder! He got huge applause and followed with a really funny story about how he had to get a spray tan for his New Years special with Miley Cyrus because they said he was just too white. He said he hasn’t gotten Covid yet and hasn’t worn a mask since 2020! He got thunderous applause when he entered the stage and when he left the stage.
I feel great pride when I see Pete for all he’s accomplished, because I know him since he was a teen and would come in to do my late night show at The Comic Strip, often with Jordan Rock. Owner Richie Tienken liked Pete too and we always made sure he had stage time on that show. I’ll always remember years later at Gotham one night, when he introduced me to another comedian and told them they could feel free to talk to me because I was someone who could be trusted. Means a lot when you’re doing this kind of stuff.
When Pete finished they announced a special guest spot and Dave Attell appeared also in full winter garb, plus hoodie, minus the backpack he often wears on stage. At various times during his set he described himself as a guy who looks like he owns his own escape room, like he put the “Ha” in Hamas, ( that made me laugh out loud!), and like he runs a Game Stop in Syria all of which were accurate. Turns out it was his birthday and he whipped out a recorder and played a little tune, and at the end during the curtain call they all sang Happy Birthday to Dave.
And then Bill Burr came out to close the show and if you know and love Bill like everyone there did, he didn’t disappoint, tackling topics most other comics couldn’t or wouldn’t touch. But he does it with such a twinkle not only in his eye but in his voice that no one could be offended. He laughs after he says it like he couldn’t believe what he just said. He joked about his anger and how he would never want to scare his daughter the way his father scared him and the rest of the family when he was little, which affected him and his siblings in different ways.He touched on Kyle Rittenhouse, abortion, and had one of the cleverest lines when he explained why you’re always closer to your kids than your spouse. I gotta give that another #hilarious
Then all the comics came out for bows except for Pete who had to leave early, and Bill got a chance to scold Vos for not wrapping up the way he asked him to. They love to yell at Vos, and then some of the comics like Sherrod and Attell took out their phones and made videos for Instagram, and then it was over. Too soon! (LOL)
I didn’t get to go backstage and congratulate everyone because the Covid restrictions were so tight that you had to show a negative rapid PCR test that was taken that same day. All the places I called said they couldn’t guarantee results in less than 10-12 hours, and the cost was $225. I can congratulate them all when I see them! People have no idea how hard it is to produce such a big show. Maureen told me she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks with all the details, the last minute details and having to deal with all the Covid restrictions. By the next day she still hadn’t gotten much sleep and said she was waiting for the weekend.
All the hard work paid off though because it was a really great show! Can’t wait for the 10th!!!
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