It’s pure pandemonium this week on No, You Shut Up! when showtime rolls around. The pundits are in place, the set looks great, but there’s one big big problem. Where the hell is Paul? There’s an empty chair where Paul is supposed to be, and while the at-home audience panics, the pundits immediately begin fighting over who will sit in the big chair.
Fortunately, Tomkins has left explicit instructions in the event that he is unable to fulfill his duties as host on any given week, and Dwayne Johnson spins the diversity wheel to help select a guest host to fill in. After a quick spin lands on Half Mexican, comedian and Daily Show correspondent Al Madrigal arrives instantaneously, as if by magic, (or some previously planned arrangement) to sit his ass down in the host chair.
Al quickly learns how to host the show thanks to an NYSU! instructional video, thoughtfully provided by Tompkins using the TEETS method to show hosting. Madrigal gets down to business, and he has a tough job ahead of him, with two guests, and a new segment to pull off.
Weekly segment, Shut Up the Vote covered Super Tuesday this week, with Ned Cooper Science Grouper, Armond Mite, and Star Schlesinger getting into it over who were the big winners and who were the big losers. We learned a lot during this week’s SUtV. For example, we now know that Ted Cruz punctuates every statement with a smirk, Jesus had a timeshare in Texas, and Marco Rubio won a state.
Madrigal introduced a new segment with his first guest, comedian Kurt Braunohler, called “Letter to Our Future President.” I don’t want to give away who Braunohler believes will be the next President, but his letter complimented this candidate’s Ney Ney, and congratulated him on marrying his own daughter. Braunohler wasn’t the only one on the show with a letter to our future President; Lady Wiener also had a very thought provoking question. “Do dolphins like being tattoos” she asked? Now there’s something to ponder.
My pick for segment of the week goes unanimously to Hot Dog at the Oscars, and you can watch it right here, right now. This is very likely the first time a hot dog has ever worked the red carpet at the Academy Awards and our favorite talking pork product just killed it. He talked with Patricia Arquette, got some serious scoop from George Miller, engaged in intimate acts with Sacha Baron Cohen, and got political with Whoopi Goldberg. This week’s hashtag takeaway also comes from this segment, #OscarsSoHotDog. He came. He saw. He Oscared.
Later, Yerd Nerp joins the discussion with Al’s second guest, Axel Caballero from the National Association of Latino Independent Producers, and Al learns to awkwardly transition from an interview back to panel so that he can address some important issues with Representative Oliver Pouch, gay activists Barry and Gary, and largue rock-like pundit, Dwayne the Rock Johnson. There are many topics covered, many stones unturned, but none more important than Dwayne’s observation that “7-11 is the last place in America where you can taste colors, and that color should be red.” He is of course referring to slurpies, and the fact that “cola” slurpies are an abomination.
Pandemonium broke out once again when a discussion about a drunk monkey with a knife leads to infighting among the pundits, but thanks to yet another instructional video tape from Paul, Al gets the situation under control in time to find out that this week’s correspondents would like to see Hamilton the Musical shut up, along with the Walking Dead, and Damn Daniel. If you want to find out why, you’ll have to watch this week’s episode of No, You Shut Up! for yourself. You can see it on the Fusion network or wait till next week to catch it on YouTube.
Overall, Al Madrigal did a fine job stepping in for Mr. F. Tompkins. He kept the show moving, he made sure the chair was kept warm, and he candidly admitted that like us, he can never remember how to spell Braunohler. He also didn’t smoke cigarettes, and there was no indication that he smelled like a bucket of warm beef. The puppets all agreed he was amazing. But lets be honest; nobody can fill Paul F. Tomkins shoes, or his NYSU! chair. He has that certain intangible spark. The perfect combination of sarcasm and snark. And he knows how to wear the shit out of a great suit. Come back Paul. And never go away again.
No, You Shut Up! airs every Thursday night at 10:00pm eastern time on the Fusion network.