If you thought the Constitution was brilliant wait till you see the Un-constitution.
Colin Quinn’s Unconstitutional is a one man show currently available on Netflix. The basic premise involves Colin’s comedic analysis of the articles of the Constitution and the amendments. He breaks them down into modern scenarios, comparing the “now” against the original intention of the Founding Fathers. It’s a fascinating take on the most basic and fundamental foundation of the United States. And along the way, he’s shares his funny, insightful, thought-provoking and brilliant observations. In honor of the approaching Labor Day weekend — one of our most American of holidays– enjoy some of the Constitutional (or Unconstitutional) wisdom of Colin Quinn.
Colin Quinn: Unconstitutional is directed by Jay Chapman, and written and performed by Colin Quinn. Jerry Seinfeld, Mike Berkowitz, Brian Stern, Cisco Henson, Jack Vaughn, and Brian Volk-Weiss executive produced. Kieran Dotti is production supervisor for Comedy Dynamics. Comedy Dynamics is the largest independent comedy production and distribution company in North America, specializing in a range of established and emerging comedic talent.
“We [the United States] are gonna break up because people keep trying to tell each other what to do. .. I want people to act this way, I want people to act that way. But the whole point of the Constitution is nobody gets to tell each other what to do.”
“We’re a flirtatious country. We invite everybody over, come on over after the bar closes, your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, don’t worry. Then you wake up the next morning and Jesus Christ, what are all these people doing here?”
“We borrow money that we need, and then lend the money that we just borrowed. Only drunks do shit like this.”
“Sometimes you have to look at the writing, and not the person who did the writing. It’s like Phil Spector. Yeah he’s a murderer but Be My Baby was a pretty good song.”
The Founding Fathers admitted, we’re gonna make a Senate and it’s gonna be for the rich people. And to this day, that’s how it falls out. Rich people get to say “This is unacceptable, I’m gonna call my Senator”. Middle class people are like “This is bullshit, I’m gonna e-mail my Congressman’s Assistant”. And Poor people go “This is fucked up, I’m gonna yell at the TV and see what happens.”
“There’s people in the middle like myself, but there’s no party for you if you’re like me – pro-gun, pro-choice, pro death penalty, pro gay marriage. All those things, what do they add up to? Anti-overcrowding.”
“Nowadays it’s only the most fervent true believers and the fastest typists who run this country.”
“People came to this country to go to church. Politics is the new religion. If it’s not the new religion, then why are all the political shows on Sunday morning, that’s my question.”
“We respect freedom to worship to the point where they put a mosque two blocks from Ground Zero. People didn’t like it, but nobody said it wasn’t Constitutional. How do I know, because it’s the ground floor of the building I live in. People say what if there’s an explosion, I say what are the odds? 2 to 1?”
“Second amendment – that’s where we’re going to break up. That’s the divorce papers, irreconcilable differences…The Founding Fathers all owned guns obviously, different time, 86% of the country was bears until 1796.”
“We’re 300 million of your tired, your poor, shitheads, bi-polar, anybody – come on in. As long as you were willing to work until you dropped dead from a heart attack from work at 38, as long as you had a strong back we didn’t give a damn, that’s all we cared about.”
“What went wrong? Maybe we had our day. We’re like the couple you admire from afar, but then you go on a double date and they’re drunk in the parking lot. The rest of the world is driving home saying, hey the US needs some help. We need a therapist. I suggest Canada because they’re the same size as us, they came here the same time, but we’re like two brothers – they’re like Emilio Estevez and we’re Charlie Sheen. How can we fix it? Four months, locked in a room, eat, drink, Philadelphia – no press. (Just like the original).”
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Sharon grew up in, and continues to live in suburban Philadelphia and has been a music and comedy fan forever, cutting her teeth musically on Bowie. Monty Python and other British comedies were her earliest passion - the Goodies, Young Ones, Fawty Towers, on and on. She was a regular at the Comedy Factory Outlet in Philadelphia and once did 20 minutes onstage with Harry Anderson.