10 Roommate Lessons You Can Learn From NYC’s Imrov Show Roomie Raiders

Published by Tim Unkenholz at February 27, 2016

Co-host Joe Welkie

10 Things You Don’t Want To Find Out About Your Roommates

If you’re best friends with your roommate, chances are you know a WHOLE LOT about the human animal that you are forced to share a space with. But do you REALLY know them?

The Roomie Raiders Comedy Game Show asks the deep questions that you may be afraid to ask about your roommate in the style of the old Newlyweds Game. Here are some of the weird and sometimes disturbingly personal questions real roommate hosts Tim Unkenholz (@timunken) and Joe Welkie (@joewelkie) ask their comedian contestants…and the somehow more disturbing answers they receive.

#1 His one question to God would be: “Is my dick big enough?”

Roomie Raiders asked, Would your roommate rather: ask one question to God or be able to read everyone’s thoughts? Noted atheist JP Roy (@IAmJPRoy) brought a revelation to his roommate Travis Carl (@TravisSCarl) by answering that he’d actually prefer to ask one question to God. That question: “Is my dick big enough?”

#2 She would prefer the name Dr. Vagina over Baron Booty

Lindsay Boling (@LBols) correctly guessed her roommate, Peggy O’Leary (@PeggyOLeary) would rather be Dr. Vagina because, as Peggy puts it, “She’s definitely a woman… and ‘Cumcrust’ is because she is from the German land… and she’s an ‘esquire’ because she likes to fuck at night…wait what does ‘esquire’ mean? …I was thinking escort!” The exact question that inspired this revelation, btw, was “Would your roommate rather be named Baron Booty van Humpa-a-Dick or Dr. Vagina Cumcrust Esq.?”

#3 She Finds Your Art Terrifying

RR asked what was the one thing of yours would your roommate get rid of? Lindsay revealed her burning hatred for the “terrifying painting” on Peggy’s wall that her “weird art school friend did.”

#4 He has a paper plate fetish.

Roomie Raiders asked “If your roommate were to have a fetish, what would it be?” When lucha libre wrestlers El Tigre (Grant Lindahl) and Mr. Fancypants (Ari Zeneli) invaded the show, Mr. Fancypants, incorrectly guessed El Tigre’s fetish of “paper plates,” Roomie Raiders guest host Pete Mutino (@prisonpete) had a follow-up question: “Disposable plates? Is that because you’re afraid of commitment?”

Joe, El Tigre (played by Grant Lindahl), Tim Unkenholtz seated, guest host Pete Mutino, and in the red mask is Mr. Fancypants, played by Ari Zeneli.

#5 She would have sex with English actress Maggie Smith

When asked “Who is the oldest celebrity your roommate would have sex with?” Lindsay Boling said she would choose honored English actress Maggie Smith. Interestingly, that was also her answer to the question “What actor would you say you behave the most like while ‘making whoopie’?”

#6 He chooses The Standard as the sexual position of choice.

Host Tim Unkenholz surprised no one when he said, “The Standard,” which is his mayonnaise way of saying ‘missionary’ when he was asked : If your roommate could only perform one sexual position the rest of their life, what would it be?

#7 He would kill chickens with his bare hands, if he had to choose an animal to kill.

When asked ‘Which animal would your roommate kill with their bare hands?’ Jp Roy deeply disturbed Travis with his weirdly decisive answer, “Chickens. 100%.”

Jp Roy, Travis Carl, Tim standing, Joe in the back, Lindsay Boling, Peggy O’Leary

#8 She’s not that disturbed by the idea of sex with an orangutan

RR went there. They asked “would your roommate rather: secretly have sex with an orangutan or have everything THINK they had sex with an orangutan, even though they didn’t?” Peggy threw Lindsay some monkey business by saying, if given the choice, she WOULD have sex with an orangutan. “If I have to defend myself, I want to know that I got laid…Also, did we not see Planet of the Apes? the orangutan was the coolest!”

#9 His favorite racist person is Paula Deen

Jp Roy answered the question ‘who is your favorite racist person’ with “Paula Dean! Because at least she can cook me dinner, folks!”

#10 He wouldn’t have sex with his mom, but this might somehow be worse.

Roomie Raiders asked Travis Carl if he would rather “have an orgasm every time your mother had an orgasm, or your mother have an orgasm every time you did?” A tough question, but Travis Carl figured that since his mother is “FAR more attractive” than he, he’d welcome any extra orgasms he could get.

These enlightening questions and more are asked to contestants of the Roomie Raiders Comedy Game Show every 1st Wednesday of the month at the Creek and The Cave in Long Island City, Queens.

The next show is March 2nd @ 8pm and features comedian roommates Maria Wojciechowski (The Special Without Brett Davis) and Bronwyn Isaac (The Whiskey Journal) versus Patrick Hastie (Green Gravel Comedy Festival) and (Green Gravel Comedy Festival). As always, there is FREE beer for roommates!