This Week on Last Week: John Oliver Tackles Special Districts

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Let it be said at the outset, your narrator hates, loathes and despises the word “infotainment,” but, if ever a show fell into that category, John Oliver’s latest addition of Last Week Tonight did just that. Of course, there was a good measure of Oliver’s brand of comedy throughout the broadcast, and more about that later. The more important aspect of it was that he brought up a subject many of us would have gone on blissfully ignoring to our everlasting detriment: Special Districts.

This was a much-needed break from the incessant yakkity-yak about the current presidential race. Granted, we have been treated to a deluge of witty commentary on the subject by Oliver and many others who practice his craft, and a fresh, new joke or observation about even an old subject is not necessarily unwelcome. Still, after a while, we are starting to get the picture. Fine, Trump is a blow-hard; Cruz is a lying sack of that which helps the crops grow; Rubio seems to be showing up as a bit of a dim bulb—not George W. Bush dim, mind you—but far from the brightest bulb in the tulip patch. On the other side, we are fully aware that Hillary is damaged goods, while Bernie hails from Never-never Land—as in never, never going to get any of his ideas through our kindly and cooperative Congress. Okay, that last bit was just to see if you were paying attention.

As he typically does, Oliver did two short bits before he got to his main subject. The first one concerned The Donald, yet again. Say, wasn’t he the main attraction the last time out? You bet he was, but we need to give the host a pass on this one. Trump keeps grinding this stuff out almost faster than the comedians who rely on him can put it to work.

The next feature concerned two minor Texas officials whose “credentials” were nothing short of horrific. Don’t even get me started. At some point you will need to see the show, and, yes—SPOILER ALERT—I am recommending that you see it if you have not already done so. Oliver had plenty of witty remarks to direct at these troglodytes, but, overall, I could not help but to feel sad to think that so many citizens—even Texans—could be so piss-ignorant as to put people like that into power. The thing of it is, I know and have known a good many Texans who were smart and decent people. Did they all pack up and leave the state, or have they just been out-shouted?

And now we come to the main event—twelve rounds of heavyweight…no, wrong show. What I meant to say was we come to this part of the broadcast, where John Oliver takes on the little-known phenomenon known as Special Districts.

What is a Special District? Let me give a brief definition which will hardly compare to the more thorough one you will get if and when you avail yourself of the above-noted link. A Special District is a taxing authority you, the affected citizen will probably know little or nothing about. It does not show up on your paycheck as a separate tax deduction, but it is a big part of the reason your local taxes are the size they are. And, as Oliver pointed out, you had little if anything to say about the matter.

To be sure, Oliver did point out that some Special Districts are useful and necessary, even if by implication. At one point, he noted the abuses of the Special District for a local volunteer fire department. Yes, yes, very shameful, no doubt, but do you think the citizens of that particular hamlet would rather not have any fire department at all? I’m sure they would want someone to come along and help them spit on the flames if their house were set ablaze.

Even allowing for that measure of fairness, Oliver was able to find, not only abuse, but the potential for yet even more abuse. And, mind you, this is not penny-ante graft he is talking about. Special Districts have run into the billions. That’s billion with an “ll.”

Perhaps the most entertaining part of this section was the ending, where he got a number of evidently very bright children to make the same points he had made throughout the segment. Rather than being needlessly repetitious, it was actually entertaining. I would like to think that the children knew exactly what they were talking about and not just mouthing words from a script, but, even if they did not, they certainly sold the product—at least to this chump.

Of course the young students did not reiterate all of John Oliver’s dialogue—just the repeatable parts, which brings up a matter that certainly pertains to this show, but carries over to most of Oliver’s broadcasts.

Okay, let’s set up a little background first. We all drop the F-bomb, verbally, to be sure, and often in print. I have done so a few times in the story collection mentioned in my bio. None of us who either write for or read this site should be shocked by its use. Then too, when an obviously erudite commentator, such as you, John, drops it into his obviously erudite commentary, every once in a while, it has the desired emphatic effect. The last thing I want to do in this pint-sized diatribe is to tell you to stop using the word. The thing is, John, when you use it as often as you do, well, it sort of starts to border on drunk talk. Not that I would imagine for a moment that you are a drunk or that you are doing the show under the influence, but you’re starting to come off that way. All I am saying is that a little judicious editing of your script might help you make the point without selling out to Torquemada and the Spanish Inquisition.

Let me not dwell any longer on this blemish, for it is a small one compared to the greater good of your enjoying the showand actually learning something useful.

 

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Thomas Cleveland Lane

Thomas Cleveland Lane is a semi-retired freelance writer for pay and a stage actor for nothing more than the opportunity to make a fool of himself. Well, he does get a small stipend from the Washington Area Decency League, after playing the role of Hinezie in The Pajama Game, to never, ever appear on stage in his underpants again. When he has not managed to buffalo some director into casting him, Thomas can often be found at his favorite piano bar, annoying the patrons with his caterwauling. Thomas is the author of an anthology called Shaggy Dogs, a Collection of Not-So-Short Stories (destined to become a cult classic, shortly after he croaks). He is also the alter-ego to a very unbalanced Czech poet named Glub Dzmc. Mr. Lane generally resides in Gaithersburg, Maryland, and was last seen in the mirror, three days ago.
Thomas Cleveland Lane
Thomas Cleveland Lane
Thomas Cleveland Lane is a semi-retired freelance writer for pay and a stage actor for nothing more than the opportunity to make a fool of himself. Well, he does get a small stipend from the Washington Area Decency League, after playing the role of Hinezie in The Pajama Game, to never, ever appear on stage in his underpants again. When he has not managed to buffalo some director into casting him, Thomas can often be found at his favorite piano bar, annoying the patrons with his caterwauling. Thomas is the author of an anthology called Shaggy Dogs, a Collection of Not-So-Short Stories (destined to become a cult classic, shortly after he croaks). He is also the alter-ego to a very unbalanced Czech poet named Glub Dzmc. Mr. Lane generally resides in Gaithersburg, Maryland, and was last seen in the mirror, three days ago.