It’s over for Jersey Strong Chris Christie. Just before the Iowa Primaries, he has decided to suspend his candidacy for President, and he gave a pretty great speech.

Giving the greatest speech of his life only to be overshadowed by his hot mic insult is the most Chris Christie thing ever.

Read more at AP News

Kum & Go is Almost Gone

The gas and truck stop and convenience store chain known as Kum and Go has been bought and the new owners are already planning to dump the saucy name.

The new name is going to be cum and stay.

Read more at KCCi

Mark Zuckerberg is raising cattle in Hawaii and promises his cattle will create top notch beef. He says he’s feeding the cattle macadamia nuts and beer.

If this works, most of us have some uncles that are going to taste great.

Read more at nbc.

Jayson Boebert has been arrested on charges of assault and for illegal weapons. The arrest was allegedly connected to an altercation they had in a pub over the weekend.

Isn’t that what attracted her to him in the first place?

Read more at huffpost.

Harvard Astrophysicist Avi Loeb says that if any of these UFO’s are in fact extraterrestrial there is no chance they have transported biological life to our planet. He posits that it is far more likely that artificial intelligence made the journey.

If it’s an alien robot, is it an alien or a robot?

Read more at NY Post.

After 50 years of waiting, this week’s manned trip to the moon is being delayed for at least two more years.

Don’t give us any other dates, just surprise us.

Read more at CNN

Jeffrey Epstein’s brother thinks Bill Barr is responsible for a cover up regarding the alleged suicide, and says he’s protecting someone.

If they gave us more details we might all “commit suicide.”

Read more at mediaite.

In the biggest shock of the NFL post season, Pete Carroll is leaving his position as head coach of the Seattle Seahawks.

Maybe now he’ll start to age.

Read more at espn.

After 17 seasons with the Alabama Crimson Tide, Nick Saban is retiring.

He has the expression of the cowboy who saw the railroads coming through.

Read more at Yahoo

After Aaron Rodgers said he will not be appearing on Pat McAfee’s show during the NFL season anymore, McAfee said he’s excited. “Aaron Rodgers is a Hall of Famer, he is a four-time MVP, he is a massive part of the NFL story whenever you go back and tell it,” McAfee explained. “We are very lucky to get a chance to chat with him and learn from him. Some of his thoughts and opinions, though, do piss off a lot of people. “And I’m pumped that that is no longer going to be every single Wednesday of my life.”

Anybody would be pumped to lose the person who makes them go viral every single week.

Read more at awful announcing

“I’d have punched him in the face,” Barkley said, with King asking what that meant. “You know what the hell punched him in the face means. I think when you’re in the limelight people get to say things about you, that goes with the territory. But when you start comparing people, saying you hanging out with pedophiles and people having sex with underage girls, that’s dangerous. I love how Jimmy responded, but like — I don’t know Aaron Rodgers, he’s always been cordial, I’ve said hello to him a couple times. But you can make fun of celebrities, that goes with our territory, but that’s slander. When you say he hangs out with pedophiles and people having sex with underage girls…hell yeah I’d punch him in the face.”

This makes Jimmy Kimmel look like Chris Rock.

Read more at uproxx.

The music biopic is currently in pre-production, with producers including Ronstadt’s manager, John Boylan, and James Keach, who produced the 2019 documentary “Linda Ronstadt: The Sound of My Voice.”

Okay fine but are they going to do a Stephen Bishop movie?

Read more at variety

After getting caught up in gossip headlines during the Golden Globes, Selena Gomez announced she’s stepping away from social media.

Okay see you in three weeks.

Read more at The Daily Beast

Sources who were close to Matthew Perry are saying he assaulted his former fiancee, Molly Hurwitz. He allegedly once threw a coffee table at her when she told him she suspected he was cheating on her.

How come this didn’t come up in the Eulogy?

Read more at Daily Mail.

In his new comedy special Pete Davidson revealed that he attended Aretha Franklin’s funeral and was high, possibly on Ketamine, which is weird.

It’s even weirder that he was invited.

Read more at mlive.

Believe it or not they’re the same people who have been nominated everywhere else.

Read more at variety

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