The Best Recreational Drugs that Don’t Exist
It seems as if there hasn’t been a new drug to get excited about since ecstasy hit the scene over 20 years ago. All the kids love their Molly, but that’s just ecstasy under a different name. Thanks to film, we can fantasize about what new drugs may eventually be developed to fill our brains with. What’s your favorite film high?
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1. Spice Melange
Dune. About 8,000 years into the future, the human race will be fueled by Spice, harvested on the planet Dune. It’s supposed to extend human life for hundreds of years and if enough of it is taken you gain psychotropic powers. Sure, it’s instantly addictive and the withdrawal will kill you, but on the upside you’ll be a telekenetic who can live forever. Spice also powers space travel so it’s kind of the equivalent of drinking gasoline and getting super high off of it. If drinking gasoline didn’t kill you.
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2. Milk Plus
A Clockwork Orange. Before hitting up the streets for some ultraviolence, Alex and his droogs sipped on some Milk Plus, milk laced with vellocet, synthemesc, or drencrom. Drencom was their flavor and choice and from the sound of it, it sped you up like you wouldn’t believe. To the point where committing a gang rape while doing a rendition of Singing in the Rain seemed like a great idea.
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3. NZT-48
Limitless. While Limitless isn’t the best movie, the drug which Bradly Cooper starts ingesting – NZT-48, is something everyone should want to get a piece of. Supposedly it upped the percentage of your brain you actually use, didn’t make you speedy or feel fucked up, it just made you incredibly on point. With enough NZT-48 you can do anything, recall any memory, make any connection and use the full potential of your brain.
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4. Space Coke.
Cheech and Chong’s Next Movie. Chong ends up getting abducted by aliens but he ends up back on Earth with a fat sack of Space Coke. You can assume it’s just like Earth cocaine, but it’s been grown in space. Needless to say it gets Cheech SUPER gakked and blasts him and Chong off to space. Who even wants to do coke knowing that Super Coke could be out there?
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5. Yellow/Green Pills
The Professional. Gary Oldman in The Professional set the bar for the corrupt cop in this film. What made him even more menacing was the fact he ate mystery pills whenever he got the chance. They’re never identified and it looks like he doesn’t swallow them but crushes them in his mouth. Regardless, these mystery pills make him an artist with a shotgun. The guy never misses.
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6. Slow Mo
Dredd. All the films flaws aside, Dredd 3D did introduce the super downer Slow Mo to the world. Take a rip off an inhaler and the world slows down to a crawl. You’ve never wanted to suck off a asthma device more than after watching the getting high scenes in Dredd 3D. That is if you made it through all the weird over the top gun fights.
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7. Substance D
A Scanner Darkly. In this awful future a drug known as Substance D has enveloped the country. Derived from a blue flower, D is highly addictive and causes sever hallucinations. If you want to see scary monsters all the time, Substance D is for you. Oh, do enough of it and you may start to forget your own personality.
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8. Ghost Orchid Powder
Adaptation. Snort some weird green powder and gain a child like appreciation for life again. Life gets hyper real and everything becomes beautiful. All you have to do is find some incredibly rare Ghost Orchids. Just watch out you don’t get so high you end getting naked pictures of yourself posted online by a crazy toothless bastard.
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9. GLeeMONEX
Brain Candy. GLeeMONEX – it’ll make it feel like it’s 72 degrees in your brain all the time. The antidepressant that will cure all your problems. Until of course it drives you into a coma locked in your happiest memory. Another upside is there aren’t any flipper babies associated with this drug, unlike Stummies.
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10. Neuroin.
Minority Report. Get yourself some Neuronin and feel so calm having a dead child is easy to deal with. Super addictive, Neuronin is a psychotropic drug that if you do enough of it, your Neuronin babies will be able to see the future. So grab yourself a future inhaler and suck deep while life slows down.
